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sexless marriage/relationship success?

(27 Posts)
westernlights Mon 20-Mar-17 18:14:27

Can anyone give me a positive experience? Or is it inevitably over after 6 years of no sex?

jeaux90 Mon 20-Mar-17 18:25:50

Honestly I would leave if there was no sex. I would find it horrendous. I think it's the bond that keeps you close but that's just my opinion. What's the wider picture here though?

Bob19701 Mon 20-Mar-17 18:26:48

I would say if BOTH parties are happy with a sexless marriage then it can work but if one isn't happy with the arrangement then it's doomed to fail ..

FrenchLavender Mon 20-Mar-17 18:35:29

I agree with Bob.

I think far more couples end up in sexless (and perfectly happy) marriages than we imagine.

Gah81 Mon 20-Mar-17 18:42:39

A friend of mine was in a similar situation with her DH. Although they were quite happy "jogging along", as she put it, she realised once the kids grew up that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life just not finding her partner attractive and that it was making her miserable.

She divorced and has found a lovely DP and has recently got engaged.

Mermaidinthesea Mon 20-Mar-17 18:47:17

Now I have no ovaries no sex wouild suit me just fine. But the man would have to feel the same.

Moanyoldcow Mon 20-Mar-17 18:50:18

I think it depends on why. If it's owing to medical issues but you are working on it and fulfil sexual needs in other ways there is a chance. If it's because one or neither of you want to then maybe not.

Is it something you are both willing to get counselling for?

Backstory: my DH had some ED issues caused by a few issues. We went about 6 months with nothing. We talked and I said as long as he was committed to TRYING to solve the issues then that was fine. I was willing to do any counselling etc too.

We are fine now, although still have slightly less sex than ideal but it's good when we do.

Imi22sleeping Mon 20-Mar-17 18:51:22

We are in one due to mh iasues on both parts. I dont like sex i never have i find it the weridest thing and i thing my husband just got sick of rejection. I dont really feel like we are husband and wife but we live togther support each other and raise our child i wanted another one but obviously a surprise will never happen.i dont know if we can live likethia forever.

Imi22sleeping Mon 20-Mar-17 18:53:37

Also i like having a person in my life and if i separated i would need to tell any man i wouldnt be sleeping with them

Gah81 Mon 20-Mar-17 18:57:35

I've been wondering what I would do and I think posters above are right when they say it depends if both partners are on the same wavelength.

Also (I hesitated over writing this as it makes me sound so vain!) I know personally that if it was because my partner didn't find me attractive (even if I was happy with no sex) that I would find that very difficult to deal with (ego is an awful thing - I'm no great looker but I do like that my DP finds me attractive).

westernlights Mon 20-Mar-17 19:04:14

Thanks for your experiences. No medical issues, he just doesn't seem bothered by it. I've given up initiating anything as it makes me feel worse. He's a great man and dad but we live like brother and sister.

whirlygirly Mon 20-Mar-17 19:07:05

I think you can muddle along if both parties are happy to, but personally think it's such a shame.

I had a similar situation with xh. No intimacy whatsoever by the end.

user1479305498 Mon 20-Mar-17 19:07:23

Im not bothered to be honest either. I was till about 8 years ago and then suddenly just was no longer interested --Im 55

pocketsaviour Mon 20-Mar-17 19:10:07

If he's happy for you to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage, then crack on. That can definitely work and I know of several couples in that situation. (In all the cases I know, it's the man who's lost interest in sex, mainly due to medical issues.)

If he decides your relationship is celibate and won't consider you opening it up, then I'd be looking for an amicable separation where you can still co-parent effectively as friends and a team, before it becomes horribly bitter and resentful.

Gah81 Mon 20-Mar-17 19:19:08

I take it he's happy to continue with a sexless marriage for the rest of your lives together?

There are DC involved so must be complicated but it sounds like it is harder for you. My friend was in a slightly diff situation (and ended up waiting for the kids to get a bit older) but I think she (and her exH who also found someone else after a bit) is much happier now.

westernlights Mon 20-Mar-17 19:51:48

I think after so long it becomes the elephant in the room and the.thought of attempting any intimacy after so long feels daunting and just a bit wierd

Huskylover1 Mon 20-Mar-17 20:18:10

Six years! Oh dear. I'd have already left/cheated, sorry, but I need way more action than that. I don't know how you've lasted this long. 6 months would have seen me packing. Just call it a day.

MatildaTheCat Mon 20-Mar-17 20:20:06

Was he always like this or did it happen gradually or even suddenly? My closest friends's dh suddenly stopped wanting sex after they got married. It went on for several years and she was very close to leaving him, feeling it was more like housemates than marriage.

The good news was that he got over it and they are still going strong, with DC after twenty plus years. He has some kind of weird Madonna/whore complex going on. Now he's keener than she is. smile

feedingducks Mon 20-Mar-17 20:34:29

Leaving yes. Cheating absolutely unacceptable. Your desires do not outweigh someone elses feelings no matter how frustrated you are. And yes people can help it and cheating is always a decision not a result of being denied sex

Imi22sleeping Mon 20-Mar-17 20:47:11

I love these people /idiots that say just leave newsflash ita not that easy

westernlights Mon 20-Mar-17 21:00:11

He never had much of a sex drive so I should have confronted it years ago. When ive brought out up in the past he's been embarressed and blames it on being tired and stressed. He now avoids much cuddling in bed as I think hes probably thinking I'll initiate sex. The idea makes idea cringe which I feel awful saying. Saying that I feel attracted to other people. I think Ive got so used to not having intimacy that I've closed that part of my brain off.

Huskylover1 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:19:19

It's not cheating if he's not having sex with her. He is a flat mate now, nothing more.

feedingducks Mon 20-Mar-17 21:45:46

Feel sorry for your partners there husky, the minute they don't fancy a bit of action you're onto the next one...
Relationships are about more than sex you know

LellyMcKelly Mon 20-Mar-17 21:56:28

I did leave after 6 years of no sex, met someone else, and feel like I've been reborn. Regular great sex has so many health benefits; it's exciting, relaxing, my sleep is much better and I'm just a lot happier. I was 46 when I left. The thought of spending the rest of my life without intimacy was awful - like living a half life.

westernlights Mon 20-Mar-17 22:06:46

I think it's taking the plunge is the worst part, after putting it off for so long I probably know it's inevitable.

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