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Do I go to their house?

(6 Posts)
moosiemoomoo Mon 20-Mar-17 18:13:43

I have never had a good relationship with my brother but have persevered for the sake of my niece and nephew. My niece is now 16 and my nephew will be 13 on Thursday.
My brother (and SIL) are very rude and disrespectful towards my mother at family events and I've fallen out with my brother largely as a result. However, we also just do not see eye to eye about pretty much anything. I'm sick of sitting in his house at birthday parties/Christmas,etc having to bite my lip listening to him having a go at my mother and generally encouraging my nephew to use inappropriate language and behaviour. He seems to think my nephew should be indulged in every way possible and can never do anything wrong. This extends to my brother dictating to people what they can and cannot say to my nephew after he has ,for instance, lost a football match, so as not to upset him.
Everything has come to a head over the last 24 hours with my brother and I having a very frank exchange of texts to such an extent that I can't possibly go to his house on Thursday for my nephew's family birthday party. However, that is what my brother expects me to do 'if I want to see my nephew' and ' (my nephew) will be very upset if I don't '
I have offered to take my nephew out for a birthday meal instead with his cousins who are currently at uni but coming home for Easter.
I feel as though I am being emotionally blackmailed and set up to fail. I've told my brother that I think it would create a really bad atmosphere and ruin the celebrations because there is just no way my brother and I can give the impression to everyone else that everything is ok. On the other hand I don't want to be accused of ruining my nephew's 13th birthday by not going. One of my daughters suggested I could go to the door and hand my nephew his present and then go, explaining to him that I won't be coming in because I don't want to ruin the party.
Help! All suggestions/ advice gratefully received! 😟

ExplodedCloud Mon 20-Mar-17 18:20:26

I wouldn't go. Your nephew is old enough to cope. Your brother is using him to make you do what he wants.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 20-Mar-17 18:42:54

Going and handing over the present but explaining why you won't go in is not just passive aggressive but openly aggressive! Why are you using a just 13 year old as a pawn.

Either go and go in or send his present or take it the day after.

NotTheFordType Mon 20-Mar-17 21:14:43

A 13 year old is seriously not going to give even the tiniest shit if their aunty turns up on their birthday.

Kick the whole lot of them into touch.

SandyY2K Mon 20-Mar-17 22:18:44

Don't go. It's really not worth the stress and you can just send his gift in the post and call him to say you won't be able to make it on the day.

I don't know how you've managed it this long.

hayli Mon 20-Mar-17 23:17:20

13 year old will not mind so much so long as he gets his fun. however ur brother is using this to get at you.
I personally believe you should not go so not to fall for what he wants.

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