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Am I being gaslighted?

(12 Posts)
Unpropergrammer Sun 19-Mar-17 21:30:38

Just want to say I have a history of depression and anxiety so I have some mental health issues but nothing I've ever needed interventions for.

Recently dp has been making out like I did or said things which I know hand on heart I didn't do. Two ones today have left me feeling absolutely crazy and the second one co,pletely broke me down because he kept insisting that I had done it when I know I hadn't. The thing is they are really trivial things which don't matter, so I'm not sure why he would be insisting I said or did this stuff.

Earlier today we were having a bottle of bubbly with our Sunday roast. Had a bottle of rose cava and a bottle of prosecco in the fridge. I said I 'didn't mind' which. A few hours later he's insisting I asked for the rose. I know I didn't he swears blind I did.

Secondly, we were talking about some smacks which were in the fridge and I mentioned that I hadn't had any of the most yet. He says I did and he remembers me eating it. Argument then ensued and got a bit heated because I know I 100% I didn't and he is saying I absolutely did.

This all sounds so pathetic but it's getting to me and I'm really feel as if I'm going crazy. I'm also low in my mood at the moment which isn't helping.

Dontsayyouloveme Sun 19-Mar-17 22:25:35

Sorry but yep, that's gaslighting alright, whether it's over trivial things or not!! Has he always been like this it has it recently started?

blackteasplease Sun 19-Mar-17 22:30:43

Sounds like it to me.

What else does he get up to that is abusive?

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Mar-17 22:34:23

It sounds like it to me, and I'd be recording every bloody word he said, too.

Has he always been like that?

Unpropergrammer Sun 19-Mar-17 22:57:06

We've been together six years and he's only been doing this the last few months.

I just don't understand why it's being done over such trivial stuff.

Humansock Sun 19-Mar-17 22:59:01

Watching you get upset and frustrated is the aim of gaslighters. It's sickening but they enjoy it. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't respond at all to such bullshit, maybe just an ok.

Gaslighting is serious psychological abuse. It gets worse.

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Mar-17 23:00:19

It's always worth looking at why something's changed.

Has there anyone new in his life over the last few months? Anyone he mentioned a lot six months ago? Sometimes this behaviour is a kind of showing off to someone who's not even in the house.

lizzyj4 Sun 19-Mar-17 23:01:04

My exh did this sort of thing all the time - I could never work out if he was confused or just being a dick. It got so bad by the end I genuinely believed he had some kind of early-onset dementia and mostly ignored it, but no, turns out he's just a twunt after all. grin If he's doing it deliberately, it's gaslighting.

Unpropergrammer Mon 20-Mar-17 00:43:21

Honestly not much in our life has changed and I don't think he's abusive in other ways it's just this thing is literally driving me over the edge.

user1489677782 Mon 20-Mar-17 01:21:29

Heavens, you say "he is literally driving you over the edge" I would be running for the hills.
I have had this done to me (not DH or DParents) and I have avoided that person since.
It is very cruel to make someone doubt themselves.

GardenGeek Mon 20-Mar-17 01:40:20

Didn't want to read and run.
Can offer a handhold flowers

Chellavix Mon 20-Mar-17 02:37:22

I was married to an emotionally abusive man for 5 years, and we were together for 6 years before that. It wasn't until the second year of our marriage that I noticed we were having more frequent rows along similar lines. At the time I didn't think much of it, but looking back I realise that our whole relationship was littered with forms of emotional abuse, and controlling/manipulative behaviour designed to scare me into staying with him. It took me a long time to realise the truth. Be honest with yourself about whether he controls any other aspect of your life (e.g. Do you socialise together with your friends or just with his, does he make subtle comments about your hair/clothing that encourage you to dress in a particular way? Does he express dislike about programmes you watch, food you eat, books/magazines that you read, which makes you inclined to watch/eat/read less of them?). The signs are subtle, but if any of these sorts of things are done by him in a way that means you are changing your own behaviour then you are in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative and abusive man who will only get increasingly more controlling. If any of this applies to you, my advice is to LEAVE NOW and don't look back!!

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