Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
What's a normal OLD timeline?(26 Posts)
I've been seeing someone I met through OLD for about 4 months. He's a nice man and things are going well, but I got together with my ex very young and have zero experience or knowledge about dating timelines. If we had met through a shared activity then it might be a bit simpler but OLD puts you in the non-platonic box straight away. So, what would you say would be a normal timeline for:
- first kiss
- dating exclusively
- being at each other's houses
- meeting each other's friends
- meeting each other's family
- going away together
- being bf/gf
- moving in
We've gone through most of these but I'm interested in other people's opinions.
You're not moving in yet are you?!
After 4 months I'd probs my be at meet the friends stage.
- first kiss: Date 1 to 3?
- dating exclusively: Really depends on motivations and attitude of each person, but personally I would expect this right away. Particularly if your sleeping together.
- being at each other's houses: Depends on housing situation, but probably within 2/3 months of knowing each other. If you don't get an invite home then you start to wonder what they are hiding?
- meeting each other's friends: Depends on your long term intentions towards each other. With casual dating you may never meet friends, but in a serious relationship then you would expect it within 3-6 months.
- meeting each other's family: As above. I think if you haven't met the family by 6 months of dating then you start to wonder if they think you are good enough, or a long-term relationship.
- going away together: I think weekends away, or holidays are a good relationship test. You see someone for a prolonged period so you get a good insight into their mood and behaviour. I suppose there is no timeline on this happening in relation to dating but it is a good idea.
- being bf/gf: Being old-fashioned I think this should happen naturally early in the dating relationship.
- moving in: Only when you are very sure and on the same page in terms of finances, emotions and long-term goals. The old saying 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' still stands true.
Thanks for the input. No we're not moving in, or seriously thinking about it at this stage! We spend a few days at each other's houses depending on work and children (not when they're there). I've met his housemates and he's met a few of my friends and my immediate family very briefly. We've been away for a few days and planning another trip over Easter. I'm happy with where things are, I'm just interested in where the yardstick is for other people.
I'd say you're just on the right side of not getting too carried away but just keep at the back of your mind that 4 months isn't long at all, and focus on what is happening currently rather than worrying too much about the future.
I met DP online. First kiss on first date (still think about it); dating exclusively happened naturally after 3 or so dates I think; he came back to my place on date 2(!); met friends after maybe 1-2 months; family after 5-6 months; went away for a long weekend around 2-3 months; moving in.... actively (slowly) planning it now at just over 2 years! Don't think we even discussed the idea of moving in before the first year.
I picked up a good rule from How I Met Your Mother - don't plan anything further in the future than the time you've been together.
Slept together first date,became exclusive probably from the outset,no discussion about it was had. Each others houses within 3-4 dates, met each others friends within about a month/six weeks...family about the same, went away together around 7 months in, bf/gf - never discussed just evolved naturally and moving in planned for the future..wedding planned for the summer, been together two and a half years. 😊
This is something I'm wondering about as I have been seeing someone I met via OLD only 3 weeks ago (although chatting for longer) but both of us have at least 1 (teenage/adult) DC living with us all of the time. So I am not sure how the relationship can progress beyond the initial stages since it's way too early to stay over at each other's house as it would involve meeting the DC. We are thinking of going away at Easter purely to get some private time together but it does seem very early in the relationship to be going away.
I knew I was wise really.
<hi fives self>
<realises has ruined impression of knowing what's she's talking about>
justme in your situation - I'd be looking at booking a local hotel room for the night after a date, no guarantee of things happening but just so you have some privacy! You're breaking the time rule there; Easter is 5-6 weeks away. You met him 3 weeks ago. Just worry about the next date and tomorrow for now. Don't count any time 'chatting' as having known each other. You were just keeping each other interested so you'd go on the first date.
Is the dating thread still going? That was a lifesaver (and excellent grounding support) when I was going through OLD and the early stages of relationships.
ok if i ask another question?
i'm a complete newbie to old - just starting chatting to my first guy.we moved to whatsapp after first day.
what's next - chatting on phone? how soon does that usually start?
and then meet up?
furlined up to you but I'd prefer to meet someone first rather than investing a lot ino someone who I might have no chemistry with when I actually met them.
Me too! Meet them as quickly otherwise you're investing in something that's not real.
so if they are dragging their heels re meeting and phoning - i'm being played arent i?
Not necessarily - I never wanted to talk on the phone before meeting for example as I am just not a phone person at all.
But if the subject of going on a date hadn't naturally come up within a few days of exchanging messages then I'd straight up ask "so how about a drink then?" and get a date arranged and in the diary. You have to be businesslike in your approach. Be aware that many people use OLD for hookups or affairs and if that's not your game, have a strategy to attempt to weed them out fast so they don't waste your time.
YY to not emotionally investing in anything too soon.
Seriously where is the dating thread, it was fabulous for this kind of stuff, had a set of rules (to follow when OLD) and everything. I remember something like "it's all bullshit till it actually happens...!"
I was OLD for several months before I met my now husband. I talked to him for 2/3wks before we met, then...
- first kiss - first date
- dating exclusively - straightaway
- being at each other's houses - stayed over after 2wks
- meeting each other's friends - 1mth
- meeting each other's family - 1mth
- going away together - 2mths (wknd away)
- being bf/gf - straightaway
- moving in - 4mths
- engaged - 7mths
- married - 2yrs
Congrats user! And on your forthcoming wedding LesMis. It is encouraging to hear positive OLD outcomes!
I am struck by how some of you introduced to family so early on. By that I take it you mean parents, Auntie Doris, etc ... as opposed to one's children (if you had any)?
First kiss - 1st date
Dating exclusively - after a fortnight
Being stuck each other's houses - 4th date
Meeting friends - 4th date (bf and her Dh to check him for me 😉)
Meeting family - after 5 months
Going away together - 6 months
Bring bf/gf - after a fortnight
Moving in - 2.5 years
Engaged - 2 years
Married - 3 years.
Been married 11 years now 2 dc.
I hate the telephone interview too! I never agree to that.
I don't think there is a strict timeline to be followed. I go by how I feel now. Eg, I had learnt never sleep with somebody until you KNOW they're there for you. I'd had bad experiences of sleeping with people after about 5 dates and then they were gone by the 7th date. That happened twice. So I was all set to wait six months the next time and then I met somebody and I just knew he was different, sounds naïve when I type it but I just knew it and he is different. Whether it works or not who knows. We're both in agreement that introducing each other to parents would be several sea miles beyond torture
Met OH online boxing day. We emailed a few times, talked a couple and me about 3 weeks later. Made plans to meet again for a proper date the following week-end, met again mid-week, and stayed at his the following. Met my kids the week after, met his friend and family a week or so later.
Told we loved each other on Valentines' day, were away for a long week-end abroad in March, were discussing moving in together by April!
Due to circumstances, this wasn't going to be an easy task and in the end, it took 9 months before it could happen but were a couple during this time, and were together every Wednesdays and week-ends. Moved in, got engaged 2 years later, married 6 months after that and been happily married for 3 years now.
ps, I don't want my friends' opinions. I was seeing a man a while back and a friend of mine kept kind of mocking me (she hadn't met him), jokily saying ''are you still going out with that unemployed vegan hippie?" and I said '''he's not unemployed, he works part-time cos it suits him, he's happy. Also, he's a vegetarian and so am I remember, and hippie? what does that mean? is that a dirty word? to whom. He does have a beard, is that what you mean "
so. I never tell my friends what I think of their husbands and yet they all feel at liberty to kind of ''jokily'' rib any man I might be dating. So I will be totally disregarding my friends' opinions to be honest. They're all far too mainstream, conservative, conventional. Their idea of a good date for me seems to be somebody with a good job and a nice car. I despair.
Join the discussion
Please login first.