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disturbed by my partners "fantasy talk" during sex

(84 Posts)
ilovemyCheebie Sun 19-Mar-17 18:18:29

My partner is 48 and I'm 24, I struggle a little with the age gap.
During sex he has said to me that he's pretending I'm a 19 year old school girl, he's said he's imagining me like "a little Japanese school girl", he's been having sex with me and in the middle says to me that I look "so young" and has also said "I'm going to pretend you're really drunk at a party". I find it difficult to square away these things he's said during sex. I was abused as a child so being told I look so young and he's imaging me as a little Japanese school girl is maybe a sensitive topic for me. I really disliked his "drunk at a party" fantasy because to me it sounds weird. Im not sure if this is normal or not. As maybe I find it disturbing for my own personal reasons along with struggling with our age gap as it is... ive asked him and he says it's fantasy talk and he won't do it again. I just feel weird about his fantasies now...

How would you feel about your partner saying these things to you during sex?

armpitz Sun 19-Mar-17 18:22:25

Hmm! That's a bit grim. How do YOU feel about it?

toffeeboffin Sun 19-Mar-17 18:23:39

I'd be looking for another bloke.

HeavenlyEyes Sun 19-Mar-17 18:23:52

And if you are disturbed about the age gap why are you with him? You do sound pretty vulnerable.

ilovemyCheebie Sun 19-Mar-17 18:24:13

I feel turned off honestly... although he's said he won't do it now but it's not been squared away in my mind

MrsHathaway Sun 19-Mar-17 18:25:33

He's thinking it when he isn't saying it.

You can do better.

INeedNewShoes Sun 19-Mar-17 18:25:34

He's basically fantasising about rape (the drunk thing) and given that 19 year olds are not school girls, it sounds like what he's really fantasising about is sleeping with underage girls. This really is not normal.

Please look after yourself and don't stay with this man.

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Mar-17 18:26:01

Oh come on, OP, he's bloody horrible. You're 24, a great age. Dump him and tell him to take his underage fantasies somewhere else. Disgusting man!

merville Sun 19-Mar-17 18:29:30

Get the f out of there - is my reaction.

I'd be concerned you being abused as a child has something to do with how you've ended up in a relationship with a significantly older man who has a fetish for barely legal girls, with dubious consent/exploitation fantasies.

Madbengalmum Sun 19-Mar-17 18:31:25

Get out now! You know its not right.

merville Sun 19-Mar-17 18:31:52

I should clarify; absolutely not your fault.
I just read that abusers often zero in on previously abused people like sharks scenting blood in the water.
The age gap alone makes me wonder about exploitation.

troodiedoo Sun 19-Mar-17 18:32:51

It sounds like your oh has an age play fetish and you are an object of that. I'd hazard a guess you're not the first younger woman he's been out with.

Depending on the rest of your relationship and how he treats you, that should tell you whether you should be with this man. But the fact that you feel uncomfortable speaks volumes.

ilovemyCheebie Sun 19-Mar-17 18:36:42

The reason I ask on here is because when I asked him he said it was just "fantasy talk" and tells me I'm being weird. The rest of our relationship is mostly good, I live with him, my daughter and his sons love each other like siblings

MrsHathaway Sun 19-Mar-17 18:39:31

Oh golly.

How financially dependent are you on him?

Chances are he's always fancied teenage girls and probably always will. What do you do in ten years time when you look thirty and DD looks teenage?

0dfod Sun 19-Mar-17 18:42:06

Big red flags Op.

You have a choice here, choose wisely.

troodiedoo Sun 19-Mar-17 18:42:32

It's tricky, people can't help what they are aroused by. Schoolgirl fantasy is common and doesn't mean someone is a sex offender despite what a lot of people say.

You're not being weird though at all, don't let him tell you otherwise!

ilovemyCheebie Sun 19-Mar-17 18:47:15

I agree MrsHathaway, DD growing up is on my mind. I'm v financially dependant on him. I live with him now as I had no where to live

Fibbertigibbet Sun 19-Mar-17 18:53:48

He's a creep. Get out.

MrsHathaway Sun 19-Mar-17 18:59:13

You're an abuse survivor.
You have two small children.
You have no money.
You have nowhere to live.

It's a pretty enormous coincidence that you happen to meet your soulmate at that point.

Even bigger coincidence that he just happens to have a "thing" for much younger women. And for consent "grey areas" (clue: no such thing). And for extremely compliant and submissive young women in school uniform with whom he can't even communicate (assuming he doesn't have a surprise skill in speaking Japanese).

Does he buy you gifts which reinforce his preferred image of you? You say you're financially dependent on him: does he give you money to have total control over, or does he own the house only in his name and give you set amounts to spend in named shops only?

ilovemyCheebie Sun 19-Mar-17 19:03:32

He's bought me tarty type young girl clothes and I rejected them. He also bought me some weird pants that looked like little kids pants.. The house is all his, he doesn't give me money I'm on income support and do the food shopping a lot

HeavenlyEyes Sun 19-Mar-17 19:06:34

I think you need some support to escape this man.

MrsBertBibby Sun 19-Mar-17 19:07:24

How are you on income support? Does he have a job?

MrsHathaway Sun 19-Mar-17 19:08:04

I am really glad that you rejected his inappropriate gifts and didn't feel obliged to accept and wear them.

But I agree with Heavenly.

RifRafia Sun 19-Mar-17 19:08:43

Please get some RL support, I am really concerned for both you and your daughter

Leggit Sun 19-Mar-17 19:10:04

Oh no, that would sicken me. Sorry OP but I would be out of the relationship regardless of how good he is in all other aspects.

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