New partner got a private dance in a strip club?

[Anonymous2121]

I have been seeing a man for around 5 months now, so the relationship is still fairly new. We get on really well, great sex, it was a little complicated at the start due to ex-partners but things have been going great.

We went out on Friday evening and he admitted that the weekend before he had gone to a strip club with his friends and he had paid for a private dance. He said it very flippantly and in a light-hearted way. I had a problem with this as we had talked previously about being exclusive with one another and I see paying for a private strip dance as cheating. He argued that it was just a bit of fun with his mates, you can't even touch the women and he had been drinking.

We hadn't discussed relationship/cheating boundaries prior to this but it is pretty obvious in my mind that this is some form of cheating? I would have no problem if it was a group activity/part of a group stag do, but it's the fact he actually paid for a private dance which annoyed me. I am considering calling things off, but not sure if I am over reacting and it is indeed something trivial?

[TheNaze73]

If it upsets you, you've got to end it.

Stuff like that wouldn't bother a lot of people but, don't compromise your principles.

[inlectorecumbit]

Ex DP l hope !!

[JK1773]

It's not something I would class as cheating personally. I don't think it's worth losing a relationship over. I understand totally how some will see it as offensive though. Maybe ask that he doesn't do it again. If he cares for you he should respect your wishes

[Confusednomore]

I'd dump him. Strip club maybe can be overlooked. Private dance? Nah. Too far. Shows he's OK with buying women.

[BusyHomemaker]

In my opinion a private lap dance is cheating. Strip club, fine. Lap dance, no.

But what matters is how you feel and whether or not you feel your boundaries have been respected.

[Nutterfly]

Cheating, no. Sleazy, yes. Especially a private one. This would be a deal breaker for me.

[MoreThanUs]

Wouldn't make anywhere near the grade for me. Dump him.

[HeavenlyEyes]

I would consider it cheating, sleazy and shows him as someone who has no respect for women as he thinks he can buy them.

[Tinkerbec]

Deal breaker for me too.

Not the tyoe if man I would want to be with.

It's not a laugh at all it's cheap thrills. Not for a man in the throws of a new relationship or any relationship for that matter.

[merville]

Yes I'd also see it as cheating. In fact the strip club, outside of a stag do, would be something I wouldn't tolerate in a relationship.
(And I'd worry about he and his mates' general views/standards if they do this, not even for a stag do).

For context, my now husband went into a strip club on a stag do, told me that they had non-private 'dances' as part of the price of admission ... and it nearly ended our relationship. I went to a male strip club and had 2 private dances in revenge lol, still didn't feel much better about it. The issue faded over a long period of time but I made it clear going into strip clubs full-stop would be a deal breaker in future.

[MumBod]

I'd kick him into touch, the sad bastard.

I wouldn't be able to get past the contempt the dancer would have felt for him, tbh.

[AnyFucker]

Dump him

You have very different ideas about boundaries in a relationship. And, I would hope, very different ideas about what constitutes respect for women

Clue: he does not

[Toobloodytired]

I personally wouldn't see this as an issue.

However, maybe ask him if you getting a private dance off a guy who's not him would be acceptable....if he says no then seriously bin him!

How old is he??

[Isetan]

Having to explain to your new exclusive bf that him paying for lap dances isn't to your liking, suggests a serious incompatibility.

He's telling you who he is, listen! Accept this and you're just setting yourself up for more 'it doesn't matter/ count' behaviour down the line.

You've been warned.

[user1486499646]

Id end it, i see a relationship as you only have eyes for one another..

[Reow]

I wouldn't see this as cheating, but it's pretty skanky.

I would make him aware that I wasn't impressed and had lost some respect for him and take it from there.

Men can be twats when they're out together drinking and being laddish. I definitely disapprove but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me really. It is gross though.

[AnyFucker]

But why would you want a relationship with a "gross" man, Reow ?

[ImperialBlether]

It's just really sleazy. Can he not see that? Why on earth would you be interested in a man who does that?

I think if you dump him and tell him this, he'll just keep quiet with his next partner, though.

[Fibbertigibbet]

Urgh, gross. I wouldn't be with him after that.

[JustSpeakSense]

I'm afraid this would be a deal breaker for me, I would end the relationship.

Not everybody would feel the same though, but I could not continue with the relationship.

[JustSpeakSense]

It amounts to paying for women, in my head it's like using a prostitute.

[Naicehamshop]

I don't know if I would class it as cheating, but it is sleazy and - frankly - pathetic, immature behaviour.

He obviously thinks that it's ok to objectify women and treat them with a total lack of respect. Bin.

[Toobloodytired]

Although saying what I said, why would you want a complete stranger dancing on you & not your gf? Especially new gf.

[happypoobum]

I wouldn't see it as cheating as such, but it would make me lose all respect for him, so I would dump.

[pangolina]

This wouldn't bother me, but it bothers you and he doesn't see it as a problem which suggests a fundamental incompatibility that I couldn't be bothered with and would probably seriously consider ending the relationship after such a short time.