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New partner got a private dance in a strip club?

(172 Posts)
Anonymous2121 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:11:06

I have been seeing a man for around 5 months now, so the relationship is still fairly new. We get on really well, great sex, it was a little complicated at the start due to ex-partners but things have been going great.

We went out on Friday evening and he admitted that the weekend before he had gone to a strip club with his friends and he had paid for a private dance. He said it very flippantly and in a light-hearted way. I had a problem with this as we had talked previously about being exclusive with one another and I see paying for a private strip dance as cheating. He argued that it was just a bit of fun with his mates, you can't even touch the women and he had been drinking.

We hadn't discussed relationship/cheating boundaries prior to this but it is pretty obvious in my mind that this is some form of cheating? I would have no problem if it was a group activity/part of a group stag do, but it's the fact he actually paid for a private dance which annoyed me. I am considering calling things off, but not sure if I am over reacting and it is indeed something trivial?

TheNaze73 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:13:38

If it upsets you, you've got to end it.

Stuff like that wouldn't bother a lot of people but, don't compromise your principles.

inlectorecumbit Sun 19-Mar-17 18:15:56

Ex DP l hope !!

JK1773 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:16:27

It's not something I would class as cheating personally. I don't think it's worth losing a relationship over. I understand totally how some will see it as offensive though. Maybe ask that he doesn't do it again. If he cares for you he should respect your wishes

Confusednomore Sun 19-Mar-17 18:17:00

I'd dump him. Strip club maybe can be overlooked. Private dance? Nah. Too far. Shows he's OK with buying women.

BusyHomemaker Sun 19-Mar-17 18:18:49

In my opinion a private lap dance is cheating. Strip club, fine. Lap dance, no.

But what matters is how you feel and whether or not you feel your boundaries have been respected.

Nutterfly Sun 19-Mar-17 18:18:57

Cheating, no. Sleazy, yes. Especially a private one. This would be a deal breaker for me.

MoreThanUs Sun 19-Mar-17 18:20:23

Wouldn't make anywhere near the grade for me. Dump him.

HeavenlyEyes Sun 19-Mar-17 18:21:21

I would consider it cheating, sleazy and shows him as someone who has no respect for women as he thinks he can buy them.

Tinkerbec Sun 19-Mar-17 18:23:52

Deal breaker for me too.

Not the tyoe if man I would want to be with.

It's not a laugh at all it's cheap thrills. Not for a man in the throws of a new relationship or any relationship for that matter.

merville Sun 19-Mar-17 18:25:07

Yes I'd also see it as cheating. In fact the strip club, outside of a stag do, would be something I wouldn't tolerate in a relationship.
(And I'd worry about he and his mates' general views/standards if they do this, not even for a stag do).

For context, my now husband went into a strip club on a stag do, told me that they had non-private 'dances' as part of the price of admission ... and it nearly ended our relationship. I went to a male strip club and had 2 private dances in revenge lol, still didn't feel much better about it. The issue faded over a long period of time but I made it clear going into strip clubs full-stop would be a deal breaker in future.

MumBod Sun 19-Mar-17 18:25:47

I'd kick him into touch, the sad bastard.

I wouldn't be able to get past the contempt the dancer would have felt for him, tbh.

AnyFucker Sun 19-Mar-17 18:27:02

Dump him

You have very different ideas about boundaries in a relationship. And, I would hope, very different ideas about what constitutes respect for women

Clue: he does not

Toobloodytired Sun 19-Mar-17 18:31:03

I personally wouldn't see this as an issue.

However, maybe ask him if you getting a private dance off a guy who's not him would be acceptable....if he says no then seriously bin him!

How old is he??

Isetan Sun 19-Mar-17 18:42:39

Having to explain to your new exclusive bf that him paying for lap dances isn't to your liking, suggests a serious incompatibility.

He's telling you who he is, listen! Accept this and you're just setting yourself up for more 'it doesn't matter/ count' behaviour down the line.

You've been warned.

user1486499646 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:44:56

Id end it, i see a relationship as you only have eyes for one another..

Reow Sun 19-Mar-17 18:47:53

I wouldn't see this as cheating, but it's pretty skanky.

I would make him aware that I wasn't impressed and had lost some respect for him and take it from there.

Men can be twats when they're out together drinking and being laddish. I definitely disapprove but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me really. It is gross though.

AnyFucker Sun 19-Mar-17 18:49:51

But why would you want a relationship with a "gross" man, Reow ?

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Mar-17 18:52:02

It's just really sleazy. Can he not see that? Why on earth would you be interested in a man who does that?

I think if you dump him and tell him this, he'll just keep quiet with his next partner, though.

Fibbertigibbet Sun 19-Mar-17 18:52:23

Urgh, gross. I wouldn't be with him after that.

JustSpeakSense Sun 19-Mar-17 18:52:50

I'm afraid this would be a deal breaker for me, I would end the relationship.

Not everybody would feel the same though, but I could not continue with the relationship.

JustSpeakSense Sun 19-Mar-17 18:54:48

It amounts to paying for women, in my head it's like using a prostitute.

Naicehamshop Sun 19-Mar-17 18:55:13

I don't know if I would class it as cheating, but it is sleazy and - frankly - pathetic, immature behaviour.

He obviously thinks that it's ok to objectify women and treat them with a total lack of respect. Bin.

Toobloodytired Sun 19-Mar-17 18:58:25

Although saying what I said, why would you want a complete stranger dancing on you & not your gf? Especially new gf.

happypoobum Sun 19-Mar-17 19:06:28

I wouldn't see it as cheating as such, but it would make me lose all respect for him, so I would dump.

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