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how much can you put yourself through before you snap? Partner depressed

(5 Posts)
welcometowonderland Sat 18-Mar-17 21:12:00

DH is depressed.

So as not to drip feed:
He's a survivor of physical and emotional abuse from an alcoholic parent. He's had counselling before and been on anti depressants. (neither right now ).

For the last few years he's struggled to get on top of his anger issues and to control his temper. Not easy when his useless father treated him terribly (hitting him, throwing bottles at him from the age of 8) and still insults him in a passive aggressive way although hasn't hit him since DH grew bigger then him.

These last 6 months have been hell.
DH calls me names. Belittles me. Criticizes almost everything I do.
Called me a stupid fucking bitch last night for forgetting to call the bank about a debt.
Repeatedly says he's not happy with me and threatens to leave me. Then changes his mind the next morning after I've cried myself to sleep.
Gets angry over tiny minor things. Calls me useless because I haven't made dinner.

Went to see Beauty and the Beast last night at the cinema. I was REALLY looking forward to it.
He moaned all the way there (it was raining, he didn't want to watch it, he didn't want to waste £7 on a cinema ticket, his back was hurting. ..blah blah. )
I snapped and said "Shut up!Seriously! "
He replied "Fuck off" threw some money at me and stormed off.
5 minutes later came back and walked with me to the cinema. I was crying.
Met our friends and watched the film.
Afterwards we walked home.
I asked him if he'd enjoyed it. "No not at all. It was a load of shit."
I started getting upset again and he yelled "just fuck off I'm leaving you tomorrow anyway. "

Cried all night, and this morning he's as nice as pie and acting like nothings happened.

He said today he's not leaving me.

I can't take this anymore. I suffer with depression and anxiety myself and this is making me ill.

I love him and I understand he's had a tough childhood with unresolved anger issues. I've supported him for years.
But I can't keep putting myself through this.

WWYD.

Bebraveagain Sat 18-Mar-17 21:31:08

Has he been like this throughout the relationship? How long have you bern eith him? He is still responsible for his behaviour even if he had a tough past.

BakeOffBiscuits Sat 18-Mar-17 21:38:41

ive suffered from depression I have never treated anyone like you're H treats you.

If he doesn't get some serious help on Monday morning- a visit to the GP with you there in order to give the full picture, I think you should leave him. Depression is not an excuse to behave so dispicably!

BakeOffBiscuits Sat 18-Mar-17 21:39:53

And I think if you do leave him you're depression and anxiety will improve. You must be treading on eggshells at the moment sad

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 18-Mar-17 21:53:03

WWYD? I would kick him out.

You have confused understanding and acceptance. You understand how his childhood taught him to be abusive. You understand how hard it is for him to change. That does not mean you have to accept it.

This link is for partners of addicts but I think a lot applies to you most probably www.recoveryconnection.com/top-ten-indicators-suffer-codependency/

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