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Could you live with this arrangement?

(6 Posts)
Crunchymum Sat 18-Mar-17 19:08:57

Dear friend of mine has met the love of her life, her partner is amazing and after 20 years of friendship I've never seen my friend so happy and grounded and present in her life.

They live together, kids are off the cards but they have a wonderful life.

Friends partner (S) has made it clear from day one that my friend will never met her parents and her parents will never know about my friend (it's a same sex / inter-racial relationship) and S's parents are very unaccepting on both counts.

On paper the arrangement is OK.

S has a very small family (just parents and a few aunts) in quite a remote part of Europe. They have never been to UK despite S being here 15y + and due to age they never will come over.

S visits a few times a year and at Christmas if she isn't working.

S's family aren't on any social media.

So apart from S having a few days away every other month (and at least a week in the summer) her family have no impact or baring on her relationship with my friend.

It just doesn't sit well with me? Could you or would you be able to agree to this?

Branleuse Sat 18-Mar-17 19:10:40

yes i wouldnt force anyone to come out to their parents if they felt they couldn't

BToperator Sat 18-Mar-17 19:17:25

Yes, it's not ideal, but sounds like a sensible way of dealing with a difficult situation.

PhoenixJasmine Sat 18-Mar-17 19:18:37

It doesn't matter whether any of us could live with it, only if your friend can. It's completely up to them. But it's very common in same sex relationships I've known for one person to not be out to their family or even out at all apart from to very few close friends.

Cricrichan Sat 18-Mar-17 19:23:26

Sounds ok to me. It sounds like their family won't impact their lives and being truthful to them would cause a lot of grief.

Scrumptiousbears Sat 18-Mar-17 19:26:28

Hey my MIL hates me so when DP visits he goes with the kids alone. Suits me. I get time to do what I want. It's not the end of the world. If she doesn't want to tell her family as they will react badly then it's her call. Why upset everyone when you don't have to.

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