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How to ask if we are on the same wavelength

(10 Posts)
Nipplesunited Sat 18-Mar-17 18:37:50

I have met him a few times now and have another arranged.
I just dont know if he is after the same as me.
I remember his dating profile said "looking for fun" where as mine said "looking for relationship".
I have told him if it is just sex he is after then he is barking up the wrong tree.
He made it clear that that is not his intention.

As well as it all seems to be going, i still keep getting that niggle that he isnt after the same as me. Its starting to knock me a bit and i feel myself trying to distance but i really dont want to. I just like him enough to not want to drag it out any further if we arent after the same thing.

My problem is... it is far too soon to spring questions like that on him, isnt it?
Im all about honesty, yet im struggling here.
I dont want to make us official, i dont want any kind of commitment with him just yet - i know its early days. I just want to know we are both moving in the same direction at least! How can i get that across?

geordiedench Sat 18-Mar-17 18:41:20

Do you need to know so soon? If you enjoy his company, can't you just keep seeing him and not sleep with him and make it clear you don't sleep with people unless you are in a committed relationship with them? That way you are explaining what your values and wants are without having to discuss it all so early on (which I think is a bit of a romance killer.)

TwitterQueen1 Sat 18-Mar-17 18:44:03

If you have to ask, you're not.
And if he said he was looking for fun - then he is - no matter what he says.

Sorry to be harsh here, but it does sound like you're miles apart.

Nipplesunited Sat 18-Mar-17 18:47:38

He hasnt said that directly to me. It is what he put on his profile.

Everything feels like its going great. He wants to see me even if we are just doing boring things. He texts all of the time. He has told me personal things about him and his life etc.

Geordiedench - i guess you are right. I have explained this to him and he is still here. Ill just carry on for now and try to not let myself get too invested incase twitterqueen is right.

TheNaze73 Sat 18-Mar-17 18:48:54

Take it date by date & don't do anything hasty

SaltySeaDog72 Sat 18-Mar-17 18:53:27

What geordiedench said

Just enjoy and don't sleep with him yet. But do go keep listening to your gut.

Nipplesunited Sat 18-Mar-17 19:18:11

Hes always keen to see me and has hinted every day. From wanting to drop my fave chocolate bar off to just standing having a chat.
Hes been hinting to watch a film so ive invited him round later

Nipplesunited Sat 18-Mar-17 19:18:51

I wont be sleeping with him yet. I think i have made that very clear to him that im not up for sleeping about casually

nonameinspiration Sat 18-Mar-17 19:36:22

Just ask him what he's looking for - in general re relationships not just with you. I've never lost anything with a man by asking up front. Also if he's not looking for a relationship and you are it's best you know before you sleep with him - you need to make an informed choice.

Nipplesunited Sat 18-Mar-17 19:40:39

Maybe tonight will be ideal for that then. He might assume movie = sex, but it wont. If he doesnt try then surely i have to assume that isnt all he is after. He did have to opportunity to back out when i told him im not up for casual hook ups. He chose not to

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