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Not feeling engaged - is there hope?

(5 Posts)
Noimaginationtoday Sat 18-Mar-17 14:16:56

This is doing my head in, I can't talk to anyone in rl and would appreciate advice and support.

I've been with dp 11 years, 2 dcs. For much of that I've been very happy, but have found myself checking out mentally over the past year. Nothing is wrong per se and he's lovely, I just don't feel engaged or invested in the relationship anymore. I wish I could wake up and feel it again, but it isn't happening. The idea of seperating terrifies me, but feeling so disengaged feels so dishonest. There are no other men or anything. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I'm going crazy. I have told my partner how I'm feeling but I think he thinks I'm just depressed.

Voice0fReason Sat 18-Mar-17 14:56:32

I do think relationships take effort. They don't stay alive if you don't nurture them.
Do you spend time together? Do you do things together? Do you talk - really talk? Do you have fun? Do you put time into creating intimacy?

Noimaginationtoday Sun 19-Mar-17 01:33:32

Thanks - I am trying all of the above things, but it begins to feel like going through the motions. Tis hard, and really doing my head in

BumblebeeBum Sun 19-Mar-17 07:17:44

Do you feel like How about other aspects of your life? Work/health/friendships etc?

That would tell you if it's the relationship or depression.

How old are your kids?

Is there something you'd like to do that you feel he is holding you back from? What do you imagine your life would be like without him? Is there one main thing you'd like about that? Is there a way to make that happen with him?

Ultimately you don't need to have a 'good reason' to not be with someone if you don't want to be. But as you have kids together I'd spend some time trying to find out what is going on first before chucking the towel in. Good luck

Noimaginationtoday Mon 20-Mar-17 08:43:36

Thanks for the advice Bumble ... I am pretty happy otherwise, and we have 2 young DCs.

Your point about whether there is something he's holding me back from resonated with me, as I want another DC and he doesn't. He's also been less supportive of a couple of my goals recently than he could have been, although if I were without him I wouldn't be able to do them either as it's the sort of thing you can't do alone.

We've also started socializing separately over the past year, and our hobbies don't match up as much.

Aaarg! He's such a good man though I worry that I'll regret if things don't work out, but at the same time feel really dishonest about how I feel

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