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Boyfriend like a stuck record about sex..

(24 Posts)
BhajiAllTheWay Sat 18-Mar-17 13:24:31

Been with him 6 months now. Things are okay but I have some health issues that mean doing the deed can be really painful which he knows. We still try but often have to stop. He'll say it doesn't matter. So far so good ..but then he sends me messages about what he wants to do to me in bed, tells me how much he wants to dtd etc. I'm feeling so fed up and actually feel guilty that I can't at the moment. Is it unreasonable to want him just to leave it on a back burner. Hell ask when we can next do it. I find myself making up excuses as to why i wont be home because i know he'll ask and start talking about dressing up and other stuff. Plus he never " finishes" ( sorry tmi) and so goes on forever which is agonising for me. Feel like I just can't think straight.

ClemDanfango Sat 18-Mar-17 13:28:45

He sounds like a sex pest, I appreciate it's only 6 months in and at that stage where couples are usually bonking each other's brains out but you're not able to, have told him this more than once and he's still pestering and pressuring you.
It doesn't bode well to be honest if he's got such little respect for your health and body at such an early stage what will he be like in a few years? I'd bin him off sorry.

Elllicam Sat 18-Mar-17 13:30:45

So he keeps going for ages despite knowing it hurts you? angry

expatinscotland Sat 18-Mar-17 13:34:29

FFS, BIN HIM! The dressing up, fantasies and not finishing, this guy sounds like he uses lots of porn.

Guavaf1sh Sat 18-Mar-17 13:34:29

I'm sorry too I agree with the others. This is the stage where you're meant to be dtd all the time and the fact that you can't and he can't let you be means you're too mismatched. These boards are full of people unhappy with mismatched drives. Unless your health issue is likely to be short term I would ditch him too

Thinkingblonde Sat 18-Mar-17 13:36:21

Tell him his constant pressuring for sex is putting you right off him. And he's coming across as a sex pest.
As for the 'not finishing' does he drink? If so he's probably suffering from Brewers Droop. I knew a bloke who took for bloody ever to get to the finishing post. I hated it. It was the alcohol affecting his knob.

tipsytrifle Sat 18-Mar-17 13:40:48

Agreeing with everyone. He sounds awful, OP. I hardly think you want to be reading all these sex obsessed texts either. He has a one track mind and doesn't seem to have room in that tiny space for the actual you as a person rather than a performer! At best he sounds awesomely insensitive and thoughtless.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sat 18-Mar-17 13:42:13

So imagine if you were allergic to chocolate, and your best friend kept sending you texts about chocolate, photos of chocolate, recipes for chocolate cake, turning up at your house with a bar of chocolate... you'd bin them, right?

Exactly the same situation. Bin him.

PhoenixJasmine Sat 18-Mar-17 13:45:44

What so he's pumping away forever because he's lost all dick sensitivity due to porn death grip syndrome whilst you're in agony, and he keeps going??!?! Who the hell wants to keep having sex with someone when it's causing them severe pain??!?! (Specific consensual kinks aside!)

This is NOT mismatched sex drives. This is him seeing you as primarily being there for him to fuck, not an equal independent human being with needs and preferences of your own. If it was just a difficulty with you physically being able to engage in PIV, there's TONNES of other stuff you could both be doing for each other, so you could both enjoy a satisfying and intimate sex life together. But that's not what's happening here. And, he's got you feeling guilty! He's got you believing that it's your duty to give him what he wants sexually regardless of your own feelings, preferences or indeed physical pain. That's just barmy.

Bin him. There can be no side to him good enough to make up for this horrible attitude demonstrated by his actions here.

BhajiAllTheWay Sat 18-Mar-17 13:46:14

No he doesn't drink. But I have wondered about the porn thing. I agree..written down it sounds dire. It's not like I can help it hurting and it does need time but I'm unhappy constantly having to read what he wants to do to me. Glad it's not me being unreasonable.

MaeveTheRave Sat 18-Mar-17 13:48:07

Geez, dump him! He knows it hurts you and makes no effort to work around that. Selfish with no imagination. Doesnt mind hurting you. Sex pest.

pinkyredrose Sat 18-Mar-17 13:48:48

Oh God just get rid. It isn't working is it. Life's too short for this crap.

scottishdiem Sat 18-Mar-17 13:51:29

He is bad for you and you need to dump him. He has no empathy and doesnt care for you in a way that a partner should.

Dump him, get healthy and try dating again. If sex pain is going to be a long term issue, be upfront about that. It will put a lot of men off but you will be able to find someone who cares more about you than this idiot does.

Cosmicglitterpug Sat 18-Mar-17 13:51:49

Slack him off

TheUpsideDown Sat 18-Mar-17 13:55:13

You're only 6 months in, not a great deal to lose by binning him off now. Your health and mental well being are far more important than having to satisfy this sex pest. I'm wondering if he's getting some twisted sexual kick out of your 'vulnerability' too. And agree with others that he comes across as being a porn addict. And the constant sexts would put me right off. He sounds yuck.

GreenPeppers Sat 18-Mar-17 14:03:04

It's a crap timing that you've just met and you can't dtd.
However his reaction says A LOT about who he is as a person.
One that doesnt take no as an answer
One that doesn't stop even though you are in pain
And one who seems to struggle to finish anyway (but that's not a problem, your pain is...),
One that is happy to pile up the guilt that that you can't physically, for health reasons, have sex.

That's not a pretty picture you are painting TBH.
And I would be very worried about what will happen later in the relationship if you can't have sex again, whatever the reason. How do you think he will react, seeing his behaviour now??

JonesyAndTheSalad Sat 18-Mar-17 14:04:23

WHY are you having sex while it's hurting?? Do you not say to stop?

Sammysilver Sat 18-Mar-17 14:18:44

Dump him. Whilst I dont think you can blame him for his strong sexual desires towards you (which I think is kind of normal), he needs to acknowledge that this is not possible at the moment. Either he accepts this and exercises patience, or he should make the decision to move on to a relationship where his sexual needs can be met. Pressurising you is just not on.

DameDeDoubtance Sat 18-Mar-17 14:21:24

You don't have to have painful sex to please a man, it's not your job, his happiness is not your responsibility.

Jackiebrambles Sat 18-Mar-17 14:26:23

Oh I really feel for you. But yes you need to end it. This is not working for you and he sounds like a sex pest. I had an ex like that, he watched lots of porn. So much happier now with a kind, caring man who doesn't use porn!

SleepingTiger Sat 18-Mar-17 14:46:50

Massive communication problem - he just isn't listening.

He's a porn boy. You need a man who is there with you in real life.

TheNaze73 Sat 18-Mar-17 14:58:48

Just end it. He's not getting what he needs & neither are you.
Why flog a dead horse?

Joysmum Sat 18-Mar-17 17:25:19

Tell him how satisfying it would be for you to fuck him in the arse with a large strap on and that whilst you appreciated ate it would probably hurt him that's not as important as your satisfaction so he should let you and not get upset when you keep banging on about expecting to do it again and again and again.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 18-Mar-17 18:04:34

You are incompatible. Get rid. Why wouldn't you?

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