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What would you do, message from another woman?

(452 Posts)
Emboo19 Sat 18-Mar-17 09:57:58

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

WeeMcBeastie Sat 18-Mar-17 10:18:01

Sorry to hear that this has happened. I agree with your friend, he is unlikely to tell you the truth. I know that you don't want to think that he could cheat but I don't see why else this woman would have contacted you. It sounds as if she genuinely feels bad and it doesn't seem like a 'gloating trying to cause problems between you' message. If it was me I would message her for more details and then be vigilant. I think it is slightly naive to think that others would tell you, especially if they are his friends and family. Their loyalty is to him and something like this would be a difficult thing to tell anyone, regardless of how much they may want to.

SleepingTiger Sat 18-Mar-17 10:18:45

Well ask him and look him in the eye and you will know from his reaction whether he is lying or not.

AgentProvocateur Sat 18-Mar-17 10:20:48

What has the woman got to gain from making this up? I'm really sorry, but the chances are she's telling the truth.

luckycatclover Sat 18-Mar-17 10:24:08

I agree, I would message the woman, even just to ask what she means by it/what has happened. Agree with PP too in that his friends might not necessarily tell you if something happens even if they wanted to, their loyalty is with him.

You say you would be hurt if he didn't come to you first if the situation was reversed, but in that situation would you not also understand the need to find out more information? If she's lying or stirring trouble hopefully it'll become evident from more information from her, I'm sure she'll be able to provide identifying details of his flat if need be. I personally would be upset too if DP did that (if I hadn't done anything) but I have to say I'd understand why he did it.

Hope everything turns out okay flowers

MysweetAudrina Sat 18-Mar-17 10:25:45

I would definitely get more detail from her to confirm her version. I'm not sure what her motives were in messaging you but it seems like a pointless thing to do if there is not some basis of truth to it. Your bf will deny and probably have a plausible reason for where he was and you sound like you would rather believe that than have further evidence to push him on. You seem quite convinced that he wouldn't cheat but a message from a girl when he has been out all night certainly points to a strong possibility that he did. I would get the exact details from her so he can't squirm his way out of it. That's if you actually want to know and wouldn't be happier just believing whatever cock and bull story he will tell you when you confront him. Sorry you had to hear about him this way. It seems a bit random that some girl would just message you knowing you have a baby and also the fact he stayed out.

Thanksforasking Sat 18-Mar-17 10:27:24

Yes find out more from her first then confront him. No idea why you would trust him under the circumstances.

Ferrisday Sat 18-Mar-17 10:32:44

What would she have to gain? Er, causing trouble, splitting them up. Getting her own back after he rejected her?
A 5am message doesn't sound like a sensible apology, I don't think a well meaning person would do that. it sounds like a drunken trouble making message to me.

hippyhippyshake Sat 18-Mar-17 10:33:33

She must know him otherwise how would she find you on FB? Unless they discussed surnames and relationships which seems unlikely. Sounds like stirring to me. Can you do a bit of stalking first?

MysweetAudrina Sat 18-Mar-17 10:40:00

Yeah maybe if the bf had been tucked up in bed beside her you could put it down to that. Sounds more like something happened and afterwards she did a social media search and saw he had a gf and a baby and was pissed and messaged the op.

SoulAccount Sat 18-Mar-17 10:42:28

What Ferris said.

myoriginal3 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:44:29

Definitely message her for more detail.

Emboo19 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:46:54

Thanks, I've sent her a message back! She'd started hers with, do you go out with J, then the bit about being with him etc. So I've put back, yes I do, asked where she met him, who he was with, what exactly and why should I believe her.

My friends being doing a bit of stalking and the girl is friebds with him on fb, and a few other mutual friends no one either of us know well. She follows him on Instagram, but he doesn't follow her.
She is lying about not knowing about me, though as she actually liked a photo he'd put on earlier about his birthday presents from me and dd!!
I'm not sure how she'd know I'd been out and gone home though.

I'm not sure if I should text his brother, just to ask if he got home ok, where they ended up kinda thing. I sent my bf a message this morning asking if he'd had a good night, but he's not read it yet.

TipTop333 Sat 18-Mar-17 10:49:16

I would ask his brother, yes. Even better, call him.

ILikeSalmon Sat 18-Mar-17 10:50:40

I would get info from her.
Ask his bro if all was ok last night
And when you finally see him tell him (face to face) about the message and watch closely how he reacts

TheObserverOne Sat 18-Mar-17 10:51:41

Hope you get to the bottom of this, whatever that may be. flowers

MadMags Sat 18-Mar-17 11:01:01

It doesn't look very promising.

As PP said; why would she randomly make this up? It makes no sense!

I'm surprised you're so sure his brother would tell you. My brothers love our sisters-in-law dearly but much as I hate to say it, I don't think they'd tell in that situation. They'd absolutely give each other a punch bollocking, but actually telling? I don't think so.

BlondeBecky1983 Sat 18-Mar-17 11:04:38

I doubt she would make this up.

nonameinspiration Sat 18-Mar-17 11:05:36

I think it's a bit weird if she's been at his Facebook already. Seems a bit planned on her behalf but who knows

Xoticdreamz Sat 18-Mar-17 11:07:59

Have you any arrangements to see OH today?
I would confront face to face to see what his instant reaction is.
What a horrible message to get.

bloodymaria Sat 18-Mar-17 11:08:59

How strange. You sound pretty level-headed just now, hope you get to the bottom of it all. Maybe prepare for the worst just in case?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sat 18-Mar-17 11:11:17

Judging from her behaviour online; FB friends, following him, liking his photos etc, I'd guess that she did sleep with him, and wants to split you two up.

Obviously she was aware he had a partner and child so is dressing up her message as doing you a favour and "apologising".

Poor you, they both sound like liars sad flowers

Emmageddon Sat 18-Mar-17 11:16:09

She put 'sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby' yet is FB friends with him? Bullshit. She's out to cause trouble, messaging you at that time. Maybe she came on to him and he told her to jog on, and this is her revenge?

Ask your boyfriend, not by text, in person, and gauge his reaction. You'll soon know if there's any truth in it.

I hope this is the work of a woman scorned and not evidence of a cheating bastard flowers

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 18-Mar-17 11:18:06

Just ask her which pants etc he was wearing!!

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Mar-17 11:18:40

It's weird to go home, go on face book and message at 5 am and so yes I'd guess she was drunk and she was trying to cause trouble.

Could he have cheated, yes of course, but even if he did it was hardly some romantic event, she was home and on Facebook by 5 so worst case a quick shag,.,and he was already drunk when you left him and he texted you at three.

I wouldn't be so quick to say he cheated...but I would ask him as well and see what he says.

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