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Anyone awake.. he's just left us

(191 Posts)
Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 03:12:30

Hey ladies... so after going out for 2 beers then arriving home at 1.30 and laughing to his mate that he couldn't get in he's just packed some bags left his wedding ring and gone!

WaegukSaram Sat 18-Mar-17 03:14:52

I'm so sorry. Did you argue? Does he have form for doing this?

Is there anyone with you?

highinthesky Sat 18-Mar-17 03:16:55

Try to sleep. You'll be able to think better rested.

Normal service can resume tomorrow.

Hidingtonothing Sat 18-Mar-17 03:19:16

Here if you want to talk or just need someone to hold your hand OP flowers

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 03:33:09

I think he might have a personality disorder. One side of him is fun, happy loving but then he has another side that is cruel and spiteful.
He has a habit of going out and either coming back really late or staying out he does coke with his mates and says it's to escape the reality. He constantly tells me he regrets getting married and he didn't want children. I'm so torn between loving him unconditionally but hating him and how he makes me feel worthless.

PetalMettle Sat 18-Mar-17 03:35:39

I think so try and get some rest tonight and see how things are in the morning...but I've had experience with regular coke users and it's not great combined with a relationship. Maybe think about whether overall you'd be happier not waiting for the next mood swing/explosion.

Lochan Sat 18-Mar-17 03:56:47

My children have my unconditional love.

I adore my DH, he is my world but my love for him isn't unconditional.

A man who loves you wouldn't make you feel worthless.

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 03:57:19

WaegukSaram
Only a few choice words. He just all of a sudden got in the shower then said he was going to his mothers ( we don't talk to her and I hate her) threatened to make it as horrible as he could for me then left.
Just me and the children they are all asleep thank goodness.

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 03:59:38

Lochan

I think unconditional was the wrong word and you are totally right. I guess the fact is he doesn't love me that's why he's like it. He's since text saying I'm the biggest mistake of his life, he doesn't want to touch me and I repulse him.

Lochan Sat 18-Mar-17 04:05:23

I'm so sorry Lf. flowers. That must have been extremely hard to read.

His issues belong to him you don't have to take ownership or responsibility for them.

I think you need to take him at his word. Try to get some sleep and then start gathering paperwork/working out a plan in the morning.

Find some RL support to help you through.

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:08:58

Lochan

It's okay it's nothing I don't already know. When he kisses the children goodbye everyday and walks past me I try to convince myself it's something else but I know that's what it is. Why is being rejected so hard. What is wrong with me why can't I just find someone to love me.

firsttimemummy24 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:11:38

Oh lovely I'm so sorry!!

What a terrible situation to be in. Do you think he's being serious or it's just a bi product of him being off his face?

Sending lots of hugs!

Xxxxx

verytiredmummy1 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:14:45

Sending flowers
Try to get some sleep. He sounds awful so I know it doesn't feel like it but you're better off without someone that makes you feel like this xx

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:17:40

firsttimemummy24

He was only drunk for a change today. I think he means it, it's the first time he's ever left his wedding ring behind and said he wants a divorce. The fact that he's gone to his mums is a massive thing as they haven't seen each other for 2 years.

Lochan Sat 18-Mar-17 04:21:14

I'm sure that nothing is wrong with you. If this is how he treats the mother of his children then there are several things seriously wrong with him.

No one finds rejection easy. It's completely natural to be hurt, to be devastated.

BBCNewsRave Sat 18-Mar-17 04:22:55

What is wrong with me why can't I just find someone to love me

I can't answer that; the question is all wrong.
But the answer is definitely not to stick with someone awful who treats you like shit and makes everything worse.

I know you don't feel it now, but you are so much better off without him.

I'm so sorry I can't make it better, it will take a long time but it will get better... flowers

PyongyangKipperbang Sat 18-Mar-17 04:24:22

Lock the door from the inside with the key turned in the lock if his mother decides she doesnt want him there. If you have bolts on put them on too and dont be afraid to call the police to have him removed if he does try to get back in.

He doesnt get to treat you like that and then walk back in as it suits him.

If he contacts you tomorrow then I suggest you tell him that you will only communicate via text or email (so you have a paper trail) about access to the children until you have seen a solicitor and he can communicate with them.

FFS dont let him back. Its hurts I know, but given how he treats you, he has done you a big favour.

Marcipex Sat 18-Mar-17 04:26:35

Lf, my ex did this, except he left his wedding ring on the kitchen table while I was doing the school run.
After s couple of weeks where he also turned out to be at his sisters all along, he tried to return. He said he hoped I'd learnt my lesson!
I wouldn't have him back. He tried many times to talk me round, crying, sending his mother to persuade me etc.
Soon he moved in with another woman, she threw him out after a few weeks anyway.
We were so much better off without him, and you will be too. You'll get things sorted and you'll be okay. Hugs.

marmitecrumpets Sat 18-Mar-17 04:28:12

Hand hold. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Try to remember that you haven't done anything to deserve this. You deserve to be with someone who treats you nicely, not like this man is doing

firsttimemummy24 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:34:41

I totally agree with pyongy lock the door so if he tries to come back in he can't. I imagine he probably will regret his actions in the morning as guys can get wound up by friends.

Saying this he's obviously not happy in the relationship and as a result neither are you. If you think this truly won't work then maybe it's for the best as you will end up happier in the long run! We all deserve to be loved!

Do you have a good support network who can help you? Can you go away for the weekend to family or friends?

I'm sorry for this horrible situation you must feel absolutely rotten.

Xxxx

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:35:13

Thank you ladies, I might have completely lost the plot with out you tonight.

He says I have nothing about me and I won't cope without him. He said he would rather be working late or off his face at the weekend with his mates than come home to me.

Lf803 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:40:55

I find it embarrassing at the thought of telling anyone that he's left me. The thought of everyone knowing makes me feel quite sick. I have anxiety anyway and I'm terrible at worrying about what people think.

BBCNewsRave Sat 18-Mar-17 04:41:34

He sounds deeply unpleasant, to say the least. What a vile, manipulative arsehole!

You will cope and thrive without him dragging you down.

BBCNewsRave Sat 18-Mar-17 04:43:15

Does everyone else think he's wonderful? Or do they suspect he's a complete dickhead and would actually be relieved if he fucks off?

amysmummy12345 Sat 18-Mar-17 04:47:40

I'd show everyone especially his family the vile messages. Show him up to be the wank stain he sounds flowers

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