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So sad, not all of us make it out (**domestic violence trigger warning***)

(49 Posts)
OhMrsQ Fri 17-Mar-17 20:53:03

Sorry to have to post this.

I went to the bank today. Lovely place. Asked after 'A', as I had not seen her in a couple of months and she was LOVELY.

Her boyfriend murdered her in December. Domestic violence. She was 23.

I would like to say, please, do all you can to look out for others who you suspect may be in that situation. And if it is you, I wish you all the strength to be able to leave.

I left my abusive ex husband over two years ago. It was hard. Many cries of LTB, but as some of you may know its not that easy.

Anyone, please feel free to message me for support if needed xx

OhMrsQ Fri 17-Mar-17 21:09:23

I've just realised this post is not helpful at all! I'm just in shock still. I'll have this removed - i don't want to upset anyone.

Angryangryyoungwoman Fri 17-Mar-17 21:10:43

I think it is helpful. It is easy to minimise when you are in that situation.

Angryangryyoungwoman Fri 17-Mar-17 21:11:29

Sorry to hear you are in shock by the way.

theothercatpurred Fri 17-Mar-17 21:12:00

OhMrsQ flowers for you and your friend, I'm so sorry to hear this.

DermotOLogical Fri 17-Mar-17 21:13:25

OP what a good post. You have struck a good balance.

Luckily I've never been in an abusive relationship but have helped friends. The cycle is hard to break. Don't give up on people.

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing Fri 17-Mar-17 21:13:28

So sorry to hear, I agree you will be in shock and it'll being up lots of bad memories for you. flowers I think will show the horrible reality of how DV can be.

OhMrsQ Fri 17-Mar-17 21:19:30

thank you all. I'll leave it. I feel sick and shaky.

peaceloveandbiscuits Fri 17-Mar-17 21:21:09

Don't have it removed. This is the horrifying reality of domestic violence.

I hope you're ok flowers

HelenaGWells Fri 17-Mar-17 21:24:22

It's a post some women may need to read. No one ever thinks they I'll be one of these shocking statistics. Sorry for your loss and I Hope you are ok. flowers

OhMrsQ Fri 17-Mar-17 21:26:44

i just can't believe it.
She had finished with him, he had begged to come round 'one last time'. She let him in, he stayed over. Then, well.

He's in jail. It doesn't help.

OhMrsQ Fri 17-Mar-17 21:28:31

you're right, we don't think that. It took me so long to leave. The first time I left he fractured my hip. The second time I packed up everything i could in my car and did a moonlight flit.
My dad, bless him, had seen the controlling behaviour and warned me that controlling abusers can get to the point of wanting to control so much it ends up like my friend.

ohfourfoxache Fri 17-Mar-17 21:35:31

Sending a gentle <hug>

But for the grace of God.......sad

ANYONE can end up with an abuser. It's important to realise that anyone can be a victim and anyone we know or meet could need support.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer Fri 17-Mar-17 21:38:43

Thank you for sharing. thanks

noeuf Fri 17-Mar-17 22:40:12

No one wanted to listen or hear me when I was married to one.
I would tell friends, start speaking, and they'd turn it into just being controlling, or tired, or drunk or something.

It's so huge to hear.

So I would say listen and don't try to make it okay.

jayho Fri 17-Mar-17 22:40:52

Thank you

There but for the grace of (insert saviours name) mumsnet, for me xx

ladyballs Fri 17-Mar-17 23:06:54


OhMrsQ Fri 17-Mar-17 23:08:23

God its shit isn't it?
I'm going home, going to have a nice cup of tea and a cuddle with my cat.
Thankful that I can do that.
And thanks ladies for all your flowers and support. Just wish there was more we could do.

Peanut14 Fri 17-Mar-17 23:54:40


Peanut14 Fri 17-Mar-17 23:56:38

Posted too soon. You are right to post it. It shows that it does happen. The poor girl , RIP.

Take care of OP and be proud that you left when you did. You deserve your life.

footballmum Sat 18-Mar-17 07:43:32

How sad. I am on holiday at the moment with a friend whom I strongly suspect is being abused. She'll admit some of the stuff he says and does but it's all verbal and emotional rather than physical. We (our group of friends) have begged her to leave him and that we'll help and support her along the way but she won't. She keeps making excuses for him. She's just not there yet but it's heartbreaking to watch. I pray she doesn't end up like the lady in the bank ☹️

ladyballs Sat 18-Mar-17 10:56:32


I'm sitting here in a peaceful flat with a sleeping cat. I got out. And send love and strength to my sisters who are still in it.

AnyFucker Sat 18-Mar-17 11:00:48

Two women a week


Imi22sleeping Sat 18-Mar-17 16:39:03

Im actually crying at this. Gos bless x

Destinysdaughter Sat 18-Mar-17 16:45:44

That's so sad. Statistically, 75% of women are murdered once they have left the relationship. It's such a dangerous time as the abuser has lost the power and control he had. Safety planning is really important as is having somewhere safe to go and why we need women's refuges. 2 women every week are killed by an abusive partner. It's a shocking fact and more needs to be done to stop it.

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