Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is this normal when dating someone with anxiety

(5 Posts)
Cherryblossom200 Fri 17-Mar-17 15:25:52

It seems a bit silly asking this because it happened a few years ago, but I dated someone with an anxiety disorder. I didn't realise how bad it was until we broke up really. But it has scared me off the dating scene. Especially as he is the father of my daughter.

I guess I want to understand a little more about it, I don't know why but maybe it will help with closure for me.

My ex was in his late 30's and never really had a proper full on committed relationship with a woman. When we met I got the feeling he was completely out of his depth with the relationship, I think he liked me a lot but kept getting scared of how he felt. He constantly withdrew and then came back stronger. The whole thing completely confused me. One moment I thought he loved me the next I thought he wanted to break up. He started having panic attacks before the relationship ended. He told me he had never felt this way with anyone before and then broke up with me a week later. In that space of time he had introduced me to his family and friends, something he had never done before. I am still baffled by his behaviour.

I still to this day wonder why he walked away and would love to know if anyone has ever experienced this before?

Cherry x

LouisevilleLlama Fri 17-Mar-17 15:46:16

Hard to say really as anxiety impacts people differently, I can say that I often withdraw from people no idea why but when I'm feeling bad instead of talking to people which would probably help I withdraw. ( for example I don't get many texts as my anxiety in the early stages seemed to make people a little wary of me, I got one Monday and I want to reply but every time I think about it something stops me).it could be that when he felt anxious he somewhat withdrew and maybe showed his true feelings or overcompensated when he felt ok.

Again I nor anyone else can speak for his actions but I know that even when I do an activity I enjoy I'm in the background suffering from anxiety in fact some of my worst, last week I had my worst anxiety attack I've ever had I had to go to hospital, it's probably unrelated but the night before I got a static shock off my computer and so I haven't been near a laptop since. So maybe if he was happy but felt the reason he was anxious was something to do with the relationship that may explain it. It could have been he wasn't used to it and having the thought that " everything is too good right now something bad is gonna happen" and it was a self fulfilling prophecy if his own making.

Truth is we don't know, but I've replied trying to reason with what I know about my anxiety

Foxysoxy01 Fri 17-Mar-17 15:59:53

I can only really speak from how my anxiety was so I'm not sure if that really helps? But it might give you an other experience to go on.

My anxiety would make me more reliant on people, especially my 'safe' people like close family/partner and if anything I was too reliant on them.

I also needed to know what was happening in my life and the future so I absolutely would not have been indecisive about my relationships future! I would have had to plan and feel secure that my relationship was serious and that we would be together for at least the foreseeable future.
If I felt unsure or insecure about the future of my relationship I would have had massive wobbles and my anxiety and panic attacks would have been unbearable. I would have been unbearably clingy and moody if I felt my partner might have finished the relationship.

So for me the whole anxiety and panic attacks made me much more reliant on my partner and in the situation you describe I would have been pretty clingy and desperate for reassurance that we had a secure future.

Cherryblossom200 Fri 17-Mar-17 16:02:30

That's really helpful Louise. Thank you for your honesty, I know it's a tough thing to deal with xx

Cherryblossom200 Fri 17-Mar-17 16:06:03

Hmmm Foxy that's interesting and possibly makes me understand why he behaved the way he did. I still feel very confused about why he one minute showed so much love and the next behaved like he didn't want to be with me. He asked me in the early stages of our relationship if I felt 'scared' which I didn't. I felt happy and content, which I guess it a normal reaction to being with someone you really like. I asked him if he was scared and he said he was. This probably was a big indiction of how out of his depth he felt.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now