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I've slept with a man that has a wife and child

(391 Posts)
RegretIsMyMiddleName Fri 17-Mar-17 13:56:33

NC as this is quite specific.

I met a guy on OLD. We spoke for a while and have been dating for a while now. We speak basically everyday but at times I could never get hold of him. This didn't concern me as I realised people have busy lives and can't always reply.

We've dtd, we spoke about a future but then over dinner last night as he was back in my city for a business trip he told me that he's falling for me - as I have him! But he has a wife and child. He wants us to take it slow. He says he doesn't love her anymore and is only with her so he can be close to his child.

I feel awful. I feel like a dirty OW. I have fallen for him and I believe he has for me but never would I have never guessed that he is/was married and has a child.

I wouldn't be bothered if he had a child but the fact is he has a family and I've basically naively been thinking we could be together.

He says he wants us to be together but now I'm questioning everything. Fundamentally I feel like an awful person - his wife was probably at their home last night feeding their child and reading them a bedtime story whilst he was drinking cocktails with me.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Fri 17-Mar-17 13:57:59

Youre not an awful person. You didnt know. Dump and block him. He is a liar and a cheat.

fallenempires Fri 17-Mar-17 13:59:14

You know what you have to do don't you?

Lelloteddy Fri 17-Mar-17 14:00:58

You are an awful person if you do anything other than dump his sorry ass and block him.
Make sure you have a full STI check.

xStefx Fri 17-Mar-17 14:01:01

I know you have fallen for him but do you feel differently about him now that you know he is a liar and a cheat?

Has he given you the script yet? i.e "im only staying for the childs sake"
or does he actually want to leave her?

Annesmyth123 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:01:48

You,have to dump and block.

Minniemagoo Fri 17-Mar-17 14:01:48

So far you have done nothing wrong, he has. You didn't know.
But now you know your next actions will define who you are.
Dump him. He is a cheat.

Twingler Fri 17-Mar-17 14:01:51

So he only told you last night that he's married? You didn't know beforehand? I'm not surprised you feel dirty, but you've done nothing wrong. If you continue to see this man, knowing what you now know, it will be wrong. He's cheating on his wife and deceived you into sleeping with him. What a prize. You're probably not even the first one. You know you need to dump his cheating arse immediately, don't you? Don't fall for the lies, he won't leave his wife and it won't end well. I'm sure he made his wife feel special and loved at the start too... Look where that's got her.

Notmyrealname85 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:03:31

You're catching up to the news of who he really is sad you definitely have to dump him and yes to sti check!

RegretIsMyMiddleName Fri 17-Mar-17 14:03:52

xStefx What is 'the script'? He did say that he is only with her because of his child. He doesn't want to be a 'part-time' father in his words.

xStefx Fri 17-Mar-17 14:03:53

Also: Wait for the " she doesn't understand me" and "we haven't slept together for months"
Meanwhile wifey is at home no doubt trying her best to bring up their DC. What a cheating scumbag

Orangetoffee Fri 17-Mar-17 14:04:50

Dump and block

xStefx, he told her already that he doesn't love his wife and is only with her to be close to his child.

xStefx Fri 17-Mar-17 14:04:54

Yep sounds like you have had "the script" already

walkinganhouraday Fri 17-Mar-17 14:05:28

Tell him to come back in two years' time when his divorce comes through. Other than that you are setting yourself up for years of angst, upset and deceit.
When in the future you tell him you won't wait any longer, he will tell you that you always knew he was married!
I wouldn't even bother having a conversation with him about it. Just block him.
I'm not saying this from the moral high ground either. No-one is judging you on what's gone before but you will be judged on your future actions.

RegretIsMyMiddleName Fri 17-Mar-17 14:05:29

I do think he wants to leave her, and again, had he been divorced and had a child I wouldn't have minded - life happens. But having found all of this out is really affecting me badly. I have fallen very hard for him.

TheNaze73 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:05:47

He's a wanker. Block and move on

shesnotme Fri 17-Mar-17 14:05:56

Hes actively sort to have an affair. Having said that who knows whats going on at home?

Wolfiefan Fri 17-Mar-17 14:06:04

He's a lying cheating fucker.
Walk away.

smashedinductionhob Fri 17-Mar-17 14:07:23

There is a useful thread that sets out "the script" IIRR....
can anyone link?

RegretIsMyMiddleName Fri 17-Mar-17 14:07:24

I hadn't even considered an STI check. I genuinely thought we were exclusively seeing each other. I feel like the world's biggest twat.

Yes - he did say that they haven't slept together for months and they are growing apart.

FedglingFTB Fri 17-Mar-17 14:07:59

Sounds like you have a conscience and morals, he has purposefully lied and mislead you to make you compromise them. Do not trust him.

He can leave his wife, he can be a single father. There are no excuses for his actions other than self indulgence.

HarryPottersMagicWand Fri 17-Mar-17 14:08:27

You don't seem to be saying you will dump him, just how you have fallen for him, and clearly his lies about being with his wife to see his child. Yeah right. A man who is married and lives at home with his wife and child has no business being on a dating site. If you don't dump him now, that makes you no better. I have a suspicion you may stay with him.

whatisgoingon1 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:08:58

Tell him to contact you when his divorced been finalised and if your still single by the time, you two can start afresh.
Meantime block his number and run for the hills.

elastamum Fri 17-Mar-17 14:09:04

He is not the man you thought he was. He has already lied to you by omission and he is in all probability lying to you know so he can have his cake and eat it. He is in reality a liar and a cheat.

Hold your head up and walk away

smashedinductionhob Fri 17-Mar-17 14:09:35

Give her a chance to absorb the info.......

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