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How to be confident on a first date when you are really not confident AT ALL!

(24 Posts)
sparkle00 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:48:25

I was moaning on here a couple of days ago that I can't find a date and all of a sudden I have a few potential. How weird!
Now the thing is I'm really nervous.
I'm always super busy but trying to expand my social life so trying to date. Meet new people. In work/study I am confident but the thought of dating. I am so so scared.
I don't think I even know what to do anymore. It's been so long 🙈

Oysterbabe Thu 16-Mar-17 21:49:45

You just need to be yourself smile
The idea is worse than the reality, you'll relax within the first few minutes.

Dieu Thu 16-Mar-17 21:56:32

Honestly, the nerves will disappear after the first few minutes. And it will be worse with the first date; I never really got nervous with subsequent dates.
Just something completely normal that you have to work through, I'm afraid! A healthy dose of nerves is normal and to be expected.
Enjoy and have fun!

sparkle00 Thu 16-Mar-17 22:01:01

It's like these guys have already painted a picture. Why do they do that?

Minime85 Thu 16-Mar-17 22:02:34

Just go and chat and enjoy an evening/afternoon out

sparkle00 Thu 16-Mar-17 22:07:15

I hate that I am being judged though. Oh god why am I putting myself through this?!

Minime85 Fri 17-Mar-17 07:15:58

But you will be judging too remember. He will probably have the same concerns as you too. I went on three dates after meeting people on line. Two I saw again the other one wasn't for me but it was good to push myself out of my comfort zone and meet new people so just think of it like that. wink

madmother1 Fri 17-Mar-17 07:23:02

I'm 52. I dipped my toe back into dating again last September. It was my 3rd date in 5 years! I was so nervous. I actually told him I was nervous and he said he found it very sweet. I was like this with him for the first few dates. Now, 6 months on, we are still besotted and feel lucky to have found each other. Good luck and enjoy smile

TheNaze73 Fri 17-Mar-17 07:38:48

I can only echo what others have said. Just be yourself.

What makes you think they've painted a picture & are judging you?

FinallyHere Fri 17-Mar-17 07:59:39

Enjoy your dates, focus on the other person to feel less self conscious and more relaxed.

Is dating really the way to expand your social life? What about activities, loads of meet-up groups around now.

BibbidiBobbidi Fri 17-Mar-17 08:03:50

Go and be yourself, I find if I wear heels I feel more confident (I'm very short!)
Remember that he will be nervous too!
Try not to drink too much while you're there, a glass of wine can calm the nerves but a bottle can embarrass you!
Most of all, just have a good time! If it doesn't work out then it's okay, you've had an evening out and you can move on to the next one. Don't fall for the first guy that shows you attention if he isn't right for you.

Good luck! x

sparkle00 Fri 17-Mar-17 11:44:18

Thankyou everyone smile
Happy for you madmother. I'm very very nervous.
I feel this one in particular has painted a picture as he just repeatedly compliments me. My hair. My face. Oh you sound amazing. You're so sweet. I only told him I was off to watch beauty and the beast with my dd's and I am so girly and sweet. I had a message just saying. I thought I'd message the most beautiful girl in Wales whilst on my break. It's a bit off putting. I don't like it.
Another keeps telling me I'm perfect and he thinks we are going to hit it off straight away and if one more guy calls me hun or babe I'm going to cry.
I have started other groups too. I have joined a gym and running club. Oh and weight watchers. Not sure how I'm going to fit it all in mind as my life as a student nurse is bonkers. Just thought I'd try OLD too smile
I'm not used to wearing heels. I think I'd be worried about falling over. Oh gosh yes only one wine. I couldn't possibly drink a bottle before hand. Have you ever seen 'Blind Date' it's an old film. That would be me haha!
Thankyou for all the messages smile

Dieu Fri 17-Mar-17 12:08:26

Aah, I can totally understand what you mean. When a guy compliments excessively pre-meeting, it's like he's built up a supermodel-esque vision in his head! I don't like that either.

Gah81 Fri 17-Mar-17 12:26:01

The most helpful thing that I have ever been told wrt dating is "just treat it as if you're going to make a new friend". It worked hugely for me - I go in and am just as friendly and chatty as I would be if I was with anyone else, instead of piling the pressure on re: "is this the one? Do I fancy him? Does he fancy me? Where is this going? Will there be a kiss?" etc.

Knifegrinder Fri 17-Mar-17 12:39:18

I hate that I am being judged though

You're coming at this from the wrong angle - surely the most important thing is whether you like them! If not, it doesn't matter if they think you are a goddess or a dullard.

I feel this one in particular has painted a picture as he just repeatedly compliments me. My hair. My face. Oh you sound amazing. You're so sweet. I only told him I was off to watch beauty and the beast with my dd's and I am so girly and sweet. I had a message just saying. I thought I'd message the most beautiful girl in Wales whilst on my break. It's a bit off putting. I don't like it. Another keeps telling me I'm perfect and he thinks we are going to hit it off straight away and if one more guy calls me hun or babe I'm going to cry.

Go with this - these people are fallible, and are already showing some frankly poor judgement by pissing you off before you've even met them with ill-judged cheese and assumptions. Maybe they'll redeem themselves in person, maybe not - frankly, I wouldn't give the 'huns/babes' people the time of day, far less an evening off my life, but that's your call. But think about you judging them - that's the important bit. Your opinion of them is what matters to you.

Good luck.

category12 Fri 17-Mar-17 12:43:02

Bruce Willis and Kim Basinger? smile

sparkle00 Fri 17-Mar-17 12:48:30

Dieu - yes it's not good!

Gah81 - that really is a good idea. Thankyou 😊

Knifegrinder - fab, thankyou 😊 I completely didn't even think of it that way.
Well, it's so off putting the name calling and the 'beautiful remarks' I didn't want to sound shallow but it has put me off. Only because it isn't real. OK if he wants to call me beautiful 6 months in then that would be lovely haha but it's all too much. Too much pressure. How do you just stop chatting to someone after a couple of days because of that reason?

sparkle00 Fri 17-Mar-17 12:49:11

Category12 - yes that's it haha!

category12 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:43:12

You can stop chatting to someone anytime for any reason.

Look, if it's too much too fast, it feels wrong, then you know, it's OK to listen to those instincts. In fact it's good. Over the top compliments that feel too quick and feel insincere, feel that way cos they are.

Be unafraid to ditch those who don't pass even an initial sense of sincerity test.

VestalVirgin Fri 17-Mar-17 14:56:37

I wish I had confidence in job interviews. Job interviews matter. No job = no money.

A man, you don't really need. Remind yourself of that.

sparkle00 Fri 17-Mar-17 15:59:38

I would feel like I have disappeared for no reason. Well to him anyway. I definitely think that's why I feel so nervous. It's because they're too much.
That's very true vestal.

category12 Fri 17-Mar-17 16:05:21

So what? Why is his potential surprise more important than your discomfort?

LellyMcKelly Fri 17-Mar-17 16:15:20

Go with no expectations. You are going out to explore, to meet new people, and have a bit of a laugh. I did OLD for a bit, and as long as they weren't too weird or sleazy I always agreed to a date. I once went on 6 in 5 days which was a killer! Just recognise that you are fabulous, and they are lucky men to get to go on a date with you. And yes, I did meet someone amazing, and two years down the line I'm still completely blissed out smile

sparkle00 Fri 17-Mar-17 16:26:07

True!
That's nice Lelly smile Yes, I'm going to start again. I now have a whole new prospective so thankyou 😊

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