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My fiancé walked out and now won't talk!

(28 Posts)
Colly1616 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:58:38

I've been with my fiancé for two and a half years. Our relationship was amazing or so I thought. A couple of months ago they said to me that they wanted to spend more time together because things didn't feel great for them. So we tried and went away and stuff. I thought we were getting there, I broke my wrist and had to have surgery so wasn't at my best lately. Anyway three weeks ago they said they didn't want to get married and I was so shocked!! Then they said they wanted to try again! It messed with my head. we had a row last week and then walked out saying I didn't really love them. Or accept them for who they are. They had been secretive with their phone lately and staying late at work. I want closure and to find out if they like someone else but they keep cancelling coming around (4 times now) today just half an hour before they were meant to be here. I just hate and don't know what to do? Please help. All advice will be appreciated. #heartbroken

TheNaze73 Thu 16-Mar-17 20:02:27

They are royally taking the piss. Don't dance to their tune any longer & take control. You're the prize. Are you really sure you want them anyway? You've not been together that long, now's the time when cracks will appear.

Colly1616 Thu 16-Mar-17 20:51:12

Up until this point it has been a dream. We love each other's familys, do such loving things for each other. It's just so out of the blue. I really thought I had my life on track finally. But no you are right I don't want them like this, I just want some closure.

HecateAntaia Thu 16-Mar-17 21:17:40

unfotunately 'closure' is a luxury not a right and you have to accept you may never get answers that make sense to you.

i think you should take control now. really that's the closest thing to 'closure' that you are in control of.

if it's ended then let it be ended.

all this go away come back go away come back, well, it's confusing and it's cruel. and it gives you no space to figure out what you want in life.

tbh it sounds possible they have someone else but are hedging their bets right now.

take charge of the only thing you can take charge of and say you're done now.

or carry on like this. in the end it's up to you. both are painful. but letting them play with you like this is probably the more painful of the two.

VimFuego101 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:21:36

Sorry to say it but it sounds like there is someone else on the scene, I would prepare yourself for that possibility. Don't keep hanging on hoping that he'll change his mind, just walk away with your head held high.

NotTheFordType Thu 16-Mar-17 21:27:19

Is your fiance genderqueer? Otherwise I'm not really seeing the reason for the carefully gender neutral pronouns apart from because fuck you English.

I think you have to accept that your relationship has ended. Maybe your fiance panicked at the thought of that level of committment?

Colly1616 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:30:14

I do agree I know I need to take control and want to do so. I'm just so tired and sad and this is not like her at all. It's like I never knew her. Thanks for the advice.

Colly1616 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:31:49

We are lesbians and I couldn't be bothered to explain in the story.

Colly1616 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:33:28

This is actually helping, I'm better than this and I know it deep down. Time to show them who's boss. Cheers x

InvisibleKittenAttack Thu 16-Mar-17 21:42:53

does it matter why? Really she doesn't want to be married or even in a relationship with you.

While I understand you didn't want to end the relationship, so are looking for a reason for their decision, in order to make it easier for you to move onto feeling the end of the relationship is right for you as well as right for them - the truth is that the fact they don't want to marry you is all the closure you need.

It's over. Stop pushing for an "acceptable" reason.

Starlight2345 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:44:02

When I read they it usually is same sex couple ..So might as well write it...

Reality is though sounds like she has someone else, but yes showing her who is boss. Take control it will make you feel empowered.

Bluntness100 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:47:54

>>We are lesbians and I couldn't be bothered to explain in the story.<<

It really doesn't take a lot of explaining, no one gives a shit. It sounds like the relationship is over. So I'd stop now, take time for you and then try to move on. Sorry op....💐

Colly1616 Thu 16-Mar-17 21:48:30

I don't know why I didn't put we are lesbians i just didn't think it was important. Which is not like me actually as I'm super gay lol . She's just changed so much in such a short space of time. I know what I have to do I just needed some external opinions because all day today I've been blaming myself!

mamakena Thu 16-Mar-17 22:12:55

Thank goodness this came out now. No closure necessary. You dodged a bullet.

Toobloodytired Thu 16-Mar-17 22:16:58

Don't need to explain yourself to be honest....no one starts a thread saying me & my bf, we are a straight couplehmm
So I don't see why lesbians have to do it.

I personally just put the genders as it is, if people can't work it out then well, not my problem.

Agree with PP's, sounds like the relationship is over....can't go back from not wanting to get married.

Bluntness100 Thu 16-Mar-17 22:21:33

>>So I don't see why lesbians have to do it.<<

You're missing the point. No one gives a shit about the ops sexuality, as such she did not need to go to such lengths to hide her partners gender. No one said she had to say she was gay simoly she did not have to hide the gender of her partner. You know, like straight people don't. 🙄

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 17-Mar-17 07:07:37

What Naze and Hecate said.
You decide now...however, deciding to continue with this person would be on a siding to nothing because they have already checked out of the relationship. The going hot/cold is because you are now Plan B when their new Plan A isn't ready/available. Don't put up with that! That has moved from a position of care for you to one of using you. Ouch.

They won't talk to you, so don't talk to them right back; they do not deserve your consideration or attention after this treatment.

Toobloodytired Fri 17-Mar-17 18:43:59

Agreed however to be fair it didn't matter if we know the gender or not.

velourvoyageur Fri 17-Mar-17 22:03:55

Lol at people with straight privilege telling gay people off for insulting them in being wary of potential homophobia.

velourvoyageur Fri 17-Mar-17 22:05:03

OP I'm really sorry but I think it's time to distance yourself from the relationship. Doesn't sound good.

Colly1616 Sat 18-Mar-17 19:17:21

She finally came around. It's definitely over on her part, and despite how she has been I still love her so much. I know it's dumb! I would just do anything to prove to her how much I care! Then I saw on facebook she wrote "I'm too full of life to be half loved" it feels so unfair that's she's playing the victim! Yet despite it all I miss her and I'm beating my self up. Maybe I should have tried harder. Arghhhhh

HecateAntaia Sat 18-Mar-17 19:31:07

that was a twatty thing for her to do.

justdontevenfuckingstart Sat 18-Mar-17 19:40:00

Colly you can't make someone want you if they've made their mind up. Like others have said, better you know now. And as for the facebook thing, ignore it. People always have to be super dramatic for attention on there. Delete her lovely cos it won't help looking at that stuff.

Starlight2345 Sat 18-Mar-17 20:00:23

You learn a lot of people after you separate..

Sorry but putting that on FB is heartless..She obviously wants everyone to feel sorry for her.

I agree with PP block her.. You won't get closure any other way.

honeyroar Sat 18-Mar-17 20:39:39

What a rotten thing to write on Facebook, it would be tempting to reply, but better to just block and not read it. It doesn't matter whether you're straight or gay, you deserve someone who is honest to you and easy to be with, you don't need all the hot and cold games. Easy to say, I know, but Starlight is right about learning a lot from people when you split up, the rose tinted glasses come off, and sometimes you wonder why the heck you never saw it before.

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