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confused about my relationship!

(15 Posts)
arikarix Thu 16-Mar-17 18:56:29

Hi everyone, my boyfriend moved away to university this year so were living in different cities. Ever since he moved we've been arguing more because he's neglecting my needs and it felt like he was leaving me behind as we only saw each other on weekends. It was really difficult for me to accept he had a new life without me as we had been together for a year and a half. Now, he's saying he wants to take a break as he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore and that he doesnt love me. However, 3 days before this came out of the blue he was begging me not to leave him and tellin me how much he loved me, so naturally i am confused. we've been on this break for a week now, we still talk but he's very reserved and platonic but he says he still loves me, its just diminished, and that he doesnt want to break up. This is killing me as i really miss him. I'm just unsure if it is worth hanging on? and really need advice on how to handle this situation. This is especially hard to let go considering how in love and inseperable we used to be, he often used to tell me how he thought we were soulmates and how were going to get married and everything. I just really dont know what to do.

KinkyAfro Thu 16-Mar-17 19:04:07

He's keeping you dangling by the sounds of it, just in case his new relationship doesn't work out. Ditch him before he ditches you

arikarix Thu 16-Mar-17 19:05:14

he doesnt have another relationship, he told me that he just needs time on his own.. i hope he doesnt anyway ahaha

DelphiniumBlue Thu 16-Mar-17 19:08:19

Sorry to hear this, its upsetting for you.
But he's told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship and that he doesn't love you. He's possibly soft- pedalling because he feels bad. But that doesn't change the fact that he's said it, he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it.
The quickest way to get over him is to go cold turkey - don't call him, don't contact him and don't respond to him. Chances are he's met someone else, and if he's officially ended it with you by telling you he doesn't love you, then he feels free to start seeing the other person with no guilt attached. Sorry to have to spell it out.
Hold your head up, don't be asking him for reassurances, just move on to the next stage of your life. Keep busy, plan stuff to do, cry to other friends if you need to , but keep away from him.

arikarix Thu 16-Mar-17 19:09:48

thank you, i dont know whether to give it time though as i do trust him when he says theres no one else and its just about him needing time on his own

DownTownAbbey Thu 16-Mar-17 19:12:44

He's probably feeling guilty about ending your relationship so is doing a gradual withdrawal. He knows you've done nothing wrong and doesn't want to admit he wants to explore student life as a single man. I'm sorry sweetheart but your relationship is over bar the shouting sad

arikarix Thu 16-Mar-17 19:17:56

hes in his last year so its more to do with him focusing on work, not other relationships. He says he feels lost and needs time to find himself again as he doesnt want to hurt me anymore.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:18:40

Life is too short......let him go and if it's meant to be it won't pass you by

jo10000 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:51:58

If you let him go he might realise what he's missing and come back. But for your own self respect you do have to let go now and stop the contact for a few weeks , let him be the first to miss the relationship ... If he doesn't then you'll know.

TheNaze73 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:59:28

DownTown beat me to it. I think it's a gradual withdrawal, in a way to not hurt you. I split with my first love when we went to different universities. If it's meant to be, you'll get back together after your studies are done

Jenniferb21 Thu 16-Mar-17 20:05:20

This is EXACTLY what I did to my ex at the time I felt incredibly guilty I just fell out of love and interest because we had such different paths and priorities and lives really in different cities etc. I gradually broke from him with breaks etc and it broke his heart. I still deeply regret doing it that way but did it because I thought due to my immaturity I think that it was the best way.

I'm now married to someone else I later met at uni and I wouldn't have been on a break or anything with him for the world he was 100% the right man for me. So I'm afraid from what you have described he may just be trying to let you down gently but you will find someone who will Never want to Be without you wherever you live and whatever your circumstances... which is true love isn't it. Can't live without each other love as Carrie says on sex in the city.

Try to move on quickly focus on yourself your own path and future and learn from this relationship an for remember the good. If it's drawn out any longer you won't have good memories and will probably cause yourself more upset.

X

Underthemoonlight Thu 16-Mar-17 20:21:15

I've been in that situation I was the one at uni. I had been with my ex since I was 16 and for 2 years before I moved away to uni. He was extremely smothering constantly ringing me and wanting to come up. I was trying to find my feet at university doing nursing working shifts and lectures whilst making new friends. It was all too much. I ended up wrongly kissing someone else and I immediately told him but decided to break up with him. He pleaded with me not to end it with him and after a month we got back together I wish I didn't and stayed single. I never cheated and we saw each other twice a month. Our relationship lasted another year and I realised I was so young whilst he was immature ( he was a lot older than I) I have matured to the point we were no longer compatible and I ended it for good. It was a big thing to do but I needed to do and have that time to grow as person which involved being on own.

I know it's hard but I would take a step back. All my friends who started out in relationships at uni in 1st year by 3rd year those relationships had ended.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 16-Mar-17 20:30:25

It is over. Let him go. Keep your self respect instead.

SparklyMagpie Thu 16-Mar-17 22:22:28

He's letting you down gently sweet

It's time to move on, easier said than done I know, but it's for the best x

Dontaskmegoogleit Thu 16-Mar-17 23:15:01

Limbo land is the worst place to be.
Take back control and say you need a break from the situation.
You might surprise yourself and realise he is not for you.
I know it's hard and all consuming but it WILL get better. Then as quitelikely said what will be will be.
I do and countless others feel for you.
Take care x

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