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He's been cheating with a teenager.

(38 Posts)
SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:07:28

I've had the shittiest year so far and it's only just begun. Been with dp 3 years this Monday and was really looking forward to celebrating, I'd made him an incredibly thoughtful gift and things had been better than ever lately, we've been through a lot.

Today I found out he's been seeing an 18 year old behind my back and buying weed while my 4 year old daughter has been out with him. I'm beyond disgusted and angry. He's got form for this, a year ago he had an affair with a girl whilst also sleeping with others that were between 17-20. I let it go because we were very on and off back then but also because I only found out about the other girls this last November, I thought it was just the 1 affair for a whole year.

He's 32 and sleeping with teenagers in a park! His step kids from his last relationship are that age!

Worst thing is I got pregnant and had an abortion in January and while I was going through the worst time of my life he was out with her, not using protection.

I know he has to go, I can't be hurt anymore but I'm so frightened how I'll cope. I have no friends and family around here and I'm an agoraphobic that can't work but isn't deemed well enough for ESA. I'm screwed.

I just need some hand holding, my whole life is falling apart and I don't feel like I have any energy left after everything that's happened in the last few years.

Adora10 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:11:59

You know what you need to do OP, he can't give you what you want; he can't even do the basics.

I'd be very concerned about what he's doing, if these girls are under age then effectively it's classed as rape.

Is there somewhere you can go, go home to parents, family?

Bluntness100 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:12:22

Holy crap. What an absolute and utter perv, that's absolutely disgusting. Going after young girls like this.

Yes you need to get rid of him, fast. And if you could tattoo a warning for teenagers everywhere on his forehead do so.

Otherwise you need to get your self in order, you will cope. Do you live together, what's the finances like?

ineedamoreadultieradult Thu 16-Mar-17 16:14:13

You will cope in fact you will probably cope better without this waste of space than with him.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:14:52

Look at it as your life is just beginning - but without that millstone around your neck.
I bet it won't be long before your mh is better than ever without the shit he has even putting you thorough.

troodiedoo Thu 16-Mar-17 16:16:13

Consider your hand held but also giving you a gentle kick up the bum. I really think you'll have more energy when you get shot of this loser. Please don't waste any more time on him. Make plans to start living your life. Make a list and take it one step at a time. Good luck flowers

SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:37:11

Thanks everyone, nice to have someone to speak to even if you are all strangers! We don't live together, he was about to move in. I've been relying on income support and now I'm very worried about what will happen in September once my DD is in school (she's not his).

I might be able to go home but it's pretty far away and would get in the way of preschool and the I just bought a fish and so despite everything that's going on THAT is in the forefront of my mind as a reason I cant go stay with anyone right now! I'm going to be stuck at home with a bloody gold fish...!

Huskylover1 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:47:10

Not the main topic, but surely a goldfish doesn't stop you doing anything? You take it with you, or throw in a feeding block that feeds it for up to 2 weeks!

Shayelle Thu 16-Mar-17 16:48:06

Bet you find youll start coping better once youve flushed this giant man shaped piece of shit out your life and down the loo. The goldfish will bring you a lot more happiness than him.

Hissy Thu 16-Mar-17 16:48:21

My love... YOU may have been looking forward to having spent the last 3 years being with this guy, but he hasn't spent anywhere near that time in a relationship with you!

Please bin him and the handmade gift. You're thinking if you forgive him everything, show him how special you are that maybe one day he'll see..

He won't. It doesn't work like that at all. His contempt for you just grows.

He's not worth you. He's not worth the steam off your piss tbh. Dump him like the sack shit that he is.

Don't let a goldfish stand in the way of you being free and happy. Offer it to the school? See if they'd like it, especially if you tell them why you're needing it regimes?

magoria Thu 16-Mar-17 17:10:57

Ug what a revolting specimen.

You know you can't go back again right?

Please get yourself to an STI clinic asap. If teenage girls are happy shagging him in a park with no protection you don't know if they have shagged others as well.

He has massively risked your sexual health.

SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 17:13:06

I didn't think of those feeding cubes for the goldfish, I'll grab one and go to my parents, really don't want to be alone right now.

I know I'll be better without him, I wouldn't have put up with everything if I was mentally well but he's been a security blanket and the thought of being on my own again and this time with agoraphobia and a rapidly approaching end to my income support terrifies me.

Sorry if I'm coming across completely unhinged, my mind is all over the place. He wrestled me into a corner and tried to take my phone once he realised I had screenshots of his conversations with her.

God I can't believe how much I've isolated myself! Want to kick myself.

Marmalade85 Thu 16-Mar-17 17:25:06

Not to alarm you OP but you mention he likes young girls. There's no way he should be left alone with your DD.

category12 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:03:48

Wrestling you into a corner isn't a good sign. Could easily turn into more serious violence.

On the bright side, it's fantastic that he hasn't moved in yet. Good. Keep it that way.

You might find your mental health improves without him in your life. I'm not sure how good things have really been lately if you've been going through the worst time of your life in January and you have already been through affairs before, after only 3 years together. It can't have done your self-esteem much good to tough it out through him cheating on you.

Reconnect with friends, talk to your gp/support services, talk to us - fgs ditch the twat and

Hissy Thu 16-Mar-17 18:12:05

This agoraphobia, when did you develop it?

How does it manifest? Are you able to go out? How long for? Only known/safe places?

I developed agoraphobia as a result of my time with my ex. I still suffer even tho the ex is gone for over 5 years. Trust me, you need to fix your life asap and try to fix this agoraphobia asap so it doesn't take too much of a hold.

I'm realising that I have a knot of it left, and that it's not going to go away by itself. I'm currently getting up the courage to look into getting rid of it, but it's expensive and I don't have money to throw at it.

If you feel unsafe at all my dear, call the police and tell them what's happening

SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:26:10

He's not seeing either of us again after this.

It's not been a good few months but I felt so close to him, closer than I ever have been. At the same time I wasn't really surprised when I found out and that says a lot doesn't it.

I've had the agoraphobia badly since 3 months or so into our relationship when I was assaulted by an ex. It's better than it was before, I still find it very difficult to leave the house but I can now. I'm so worried all this stress of having to cope on my own will make it worse again but who knows, it might push me to get totally better.

elephantcuddles Thu 16-Mar-17 18:50:43

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Truly, you are too good for him and I believe in time you will feel much better once you leave him. It will hurt at first, but that's because change and freeing ourselves of attachments is a painful process. But I promise you that you will look back on this one day and you feel so glad you got him out of your life.

I understand about the agoraphobia as well. Do you have any support system in your life even just a friend or relative who can help you if you're having a day when you really can't make it out of the house and need something? Maybe we can help you work out a plan here to get everything in order so you can leave him. You will feel better. There are brighter days ahead, just remember that. x

DearMrDilkington Thu 16-Mar-17 18:56:10

Not to alarm you OP but you mention he likes young girls. There's no way he should be left alone with your DD.

There's a HUGE difference between a man being attracted to younger woman(who is a legal age to consent) and a man that's a paedophile!!

Thinkingofausername1 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:58:38

I wouldn't want him around my dd. You need to start planning your own future, because your dd safety is more important

SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 18:59:45

All these kind replies are making me tear up, I was expecting a barrage of "You've been a massive fool!" Which I sort of have been.

I do need a good plan, I don't think I'll be able to get rid completely at this very moment as much as I want him to. If I don't know what's going on I just panic and find myself in a horrible stressed out mess. I want to be calm and collected when I tell him I never want to see him again.

elephantcuddles Thu 16-Mar-17 19:05:19

You're not the fool. He is! But don't let him do this to you ever again.

1) Try to collect yourself first. Cry if you need to.
2) When you tell him, make sure you have somewhere else to go first.
3) I think you need to have someone else there with you when you tell him it's over.
4) Or you pack your bags and leave first and then ring him and tell him it's over and don't tell him where you are.
I'm concerned that he may get violent with you when you tell him. That's why I say you need someone there with you for support or to just leave and not be there when he gets back.

BeesAreStinging Thu 16-Mar-17 19:11:50

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BeesAreStinging Thu 16-Mar-17 19:17:51

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SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:28:36

Bees If I had known any of this I wouldn't have had him out with her! He's been around constantly for 3 years and had become a part of the family. I don't think it's fair to say I should be more careful, I've been very cautious and worried about being fucked over, hence why it's taken 3 years for me to consider him moving in. He would always help me by taking DD to school when I couldn't leave the house because of agoraphobia. I feel bad enough as it is

SoConfused1234 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:32:30

elephantcuddles I'll get my mum to be here when I tell him to go. He has had big angry outbursts in the past, it's never gotten violent but you never know.

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