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(24 Posts)
HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 15:56:56

What do you do when it suddenly hits you that you mean absolutely NOTHING to those around you.
Can't say too much as it's identifying but....

I go out of my way to help others. Exhaust myself, change MY appts and schedule to help. Been a few massive things in last few years where I've been the most busy and yet I've dropped everything to help various people

Yet..... when I need something where is everybody? Also always one set of 'nice' rules for one person and another set for me.

Feeling like utter shit right now. Used abused unwanted and unloved.

WaitingInAzkaban Thu 16-Mar-17 16:03:10

I would say stop doing things for them but I'm like you, I'd do anything for anyone I cared for and they don't always reciprocate but I can't stop myself from helping them when they need it.

highinthesky Thu 16-Mar-17 16:05:52

You shouldn't apologise for being a helpful person, but neither shouldn't you be made a mug of. Remember the quote from the late, great Maya Angelou:

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option". HTH

HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 16:11:22

It's just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don't matter to anyone

All I did I did to help. Not for the returns, but, I didn't 'expect' the same or similar one day but now it's come to my hour of need and i hoped it would be that I would be treated well and helped. No. Just being made to feel like an inconvenience and no help offered.

HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 16:12:21

The quote above really sums it up perfectly. That's all I've been-an option sad

Bluntness100 Thu 16-Mar-17 16:14:13

Cmon op. A little more detail, what help do you need, from who and importantly why are they not providing it? 💐

HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 16:15:42

I have surgery planned soon. 6 week recovery....I've helped others with similar and gone above and beyond.
Today when I tentatively asked for a small amount of help I was completely shot down

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 16-Mar-17 16:19:11

Who taught you how to people please?. Where did this all start with you?.

This may also help as well:-

HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 16:20:10

Close family are those involved

TBH I'll have to just say them. At least I know now where I stand. Well and truly. I'll manage, cleaner plus taxis etc it's doable. Stings a bit though that my helps so valuable yet I clearly mean so little

HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 16:20:53

F* them was what I intended to say rather than say them

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Mar-17 16:24:19

Close family won't help you with a trip to the hospital and and operation?
Wow - your family are seriously shit!!!!
It's horrible when you go out of your way for others but they don't a give shiny shite about you.
Absolutely tell them all to fuck off from now on.
And when they moan about it remind of this time and then hand up.
It must be awful.
I'm so sorry you are going through this!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Mar-17 16:33:16

hang up!

Hissy Thu 16-Mar-17 17:04:37

Sadly, I believe it all op. In my experience the ones who were best at kicking me when I was down were those in related to.

Please don't life a single finger to help another one of them ever again.

Where in the uk are you? Perhaps one of us can suggest something?

Dieu Thu 16-Mar-17 18:31:15

I'm so sorry OP. It's a sad state of affairs indeed, when your own family won't even help in your hour of need.
Where in the country are you situated?

HopeInaTube Thu 16-Mar-17 18:38:04

I'm in London

Going to sort out a cleaner so that will help and getting the numbers for local taxi firms. Online shopping will probably save my sanity too. I can manage it's just that I wish I had people who would help and support me sad
Have a couple weeks to get everything in place

SleepingTiger Thu 16-Mar-17 20:00:41

How old are you and what is your set up?

I am absolutely disgusted by those people who surround you. You matter now.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 16-Mar-17 20:08:49

Do you perhaps see yourself in this description?

DownTownAbbey Thu 16-Mar-17 21:20:56

In my admittedly limited experience it's often the people you least expect who let you down. On a brighter note, sometimes people you'd least expect can surprise you. I hope your recovery is swift and that your relatives realise how mean spirited they are being flowers

zznotxy Thu 16-Mar-17 21:34:00

You do what you do because you are a kind, lovely person. When there is no 'pay back' it hurts like hell, not because it is a zero sum game but because you are expect others to do as you do. When they don't? Who is the better person? I know this doesn't help with the practicalities, but I know who I'd want as a friend.

Fishface77 Fri 17-Mar-17 07:18:08

People are cunts.
flowers have your op, get better, win the lottery and tell em to fuck of.

dilapidated Fri 17-Mar-17 09:54:01

I've always been like this. Overly accommodating to friends.

It's taken for me to become heavily pregnant and so full of stress and realisation that I've been bottom of the list that I've turned it around so I'm making me come first for once.

It's liberating

buggerthebotox Fri 17-Mar-17 13:22:51

Cripes, that's me in rabbit's linkshock.

This is shit, op. And yes, you're doing these things because you are a kind, lovely person. Unfortunately people who are kind and lovely assume that others are too.

Perhaps it's time to step back from your family?

whatisgoingon1 Fri 17-Mar-17 14:04:51

on a practical note,make an announcement on FB or other social media amongst your friends, asking for help and stating roughly what you need .You may be pleasantly surprised at the end.

Twingler Fri 17-Mar-17 14:34:10

I agree with the pp who said make some sort of announcement on Facebook. If the people you thought you could rely on have turned out to be shit, you have nothing to lose by asking people you expect nothing from, other than possibly being pleasantly surprised! People like to help other people, it makes them feel good about themselves. You may not want to ask them for help with personal things or go into detail with them, but practical support shouldn't be an issue.

When I was heavily pregnant and struggling with spd, one of my neighbours took my son to school for me every day if she saw my husband's car wasn't there. It didn't put her out since she was walking past anyway, and I imagine made her feel good for helping. I really appreciated it and bought her some chocolates once the baby was born. Another neighbour offered the same, and I've only really made small talk with her in passing. I'm sure people will help!

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