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My six year old is stressed

(8 Posts)
Maisy84 Thu 16-Mar-17 09:38:51

My little boy is in his year 1 of school, he's doing really well academically and is popular with friends that are girls and boys. But at home he is really quick to get angry about little things and we've just had a horrible school run because him and his two year old brother wanted a biscuit on the way to school which I said no to, but then my six year old got really stressed about having to walk to school with his crying brother. To the extent that he started hitting himself in the face and saying he hated himself and doesn't want to live. This really, really shocked me. I feel quite scared that he has all of these emotions and is clearly anxious / stressed. What can I do to help him? I feel scared that this is going to lead to mh issues if we don't sort out now.

Gingerbreadlass Thu 16-Mar-17 09:47:38

I'm sorry for your little boy and how it shocked you. I can completely understand your feelings.

I would make an urgent appointment with his teacher and speak to them. Let them know what happened and ask how he is in school. I know you have a younger child but is there any way you could focus on doing something with just your older boy and spend a lot of one on one time with him to get him to open up. Don't pry, just enjoy an activity together or take him out for a cake and tea and let him do the talking. If you ask him anything, just ask an open question and let it flow.

I would also be making an appointment with GP and speak to them before taking your son in.

Have there been recent significant changes in your eldest boy's life? Are you a SAHM? Who's his main carer?

pallasathena Thu 16-Mar-17 12:09:29

The stress appears to be school related unless there are issues at home that are upsetting him but I remember when my kids were that age, if one was crying or upset about something (usually very trivial, like your biscuit!) the others would get hugely upset too and I can remember walking along the street with the two year old howling loudly about something or other and the older two joining in because he was upset!
Maybe your child is very empathic and maybe, the fact that he's doing so well at school has raised expectations that he's finding difficulty in constantly meeting.
School can be very demanding for little ones to cope with.
He needs a bit of love bombing I think. A day out, just the two of you, to the zoo or an adventure park, a cinema treat or a trip on a bus or a train. You can then gently broach how he's feeling after a lovely day out together.
He sounds lovely OP, as do you.

mummyto2monkeys Thu 16-Mar-17 13:32:04

My little boy said similarly at that age, for us it was a sign of his now diagnosed autism. He was stressed because of sensory overload, he couldn't handle noise, brightness, smells, too many people, it was all too much for him. He also struggled with transitions, so leaving the house to walk to school, school finishing to coming home and transitions between subjects, break and lunch at school. My little boy was a rule keeper, he desperately wanted to keep to all rules so he wasn't a child who regularly got into trouble. He is also very clever. He held it together at school but would then meltdown at home as it was all too much. He too used to hit himself on the head, the proprioceptive feedback really calmed him. Learning to understand what he found difficult/ overwhelming really helped. The first step I suggest is the National Autistic Society, they have lots of information and a list of symptoms/ behaviours that would indicate Autism. When I called their helpline they suggested I write down all of the quirks/ behaviour that he hasd. There were so many, but separately we had thought that's just how he was, but together a bigger picture began to form. We then went to our g.p who referred us to Children and Families Mental Health Team. He later received his diagnosis of autism alongside anxiety.

I'm sure the website is www.autism.org.uk

Does he talk to you about school? Us there a chance that he's being bullied? That can really play on his self-esteem. I know you said he's got lots of friends, but some of them might be bad friends. That's our boy's current problem, which we're hopefully on the verge of cracking.

scoobydoo1971 Thu 16-Mar-17 14:51:53

My kids are 5 and 9. Academically bright and often resilient. However, they both suffer from periods of 'sky falling in' type thinking. In busy family lives, it can be difficult to make time to talk and then kids stop airing their problems and bottle it all up. A few times a week I take both kids out separately for long walks after school with the dogs. This gives them a window of opportunity to get whatever is bothering them off their chests, and we problem-solve the usual childhood angst - homework, friendship fallouts, teacher issues together. They also talk to me at bedtime every night for 30 minutes as it gives their minds time to offload their thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Lots of kids say things like 'they wish they were dead' etc but they don't mean it. Start by making some space in your schedule for you and your boy, away from siblings and other chlidren and the house. Switch off the phone and go out with him. If he feels he has a channel of communication, you can slowly get to the crux of why he is acting this way. You can then start to contact the appropriate agencies like headteacher or GP if there is a serious issue to resolve.

Princesspinkgirl Thu 16-Mar-17 14:57:55

My now 7 year old got stressed alot with silly little thing's and her siblings shes n9w been diagnosed with behaviour problems displaying signs of anxity Etc she gets suport from specialty teacher's at her school and works with people called clear it sound's to me like your child has similar i would advise you talk with your gp

Maisy84 Thu 16-Mar-17 22:55:22

Thanks so much everyone for your replies, I picked him up from school and he'd had a nice day and was happy playing in the park on the way home. He's in wrap around childcare Monday to Wednesday as I work part time and my partner works full time and I think this along with school is too much for him. He's really good socially and does seem unusually emphatic with others around him or even sad things on children's programmes or in a book. He also puts really high expectations on himself and seems to take any form of criticism really, really badly, I'm talking about a PE teacher telling him not to forget his kit and him bring up to midnight being upset about it. But he's also often right at the centre of things socially and loves acting and school plays and doesn't seem to get very nervous. But he does get anxious about 'own clothes' days in case we have the wrong date despite numerous reassurance. I mentioned his anxiety to a teacher during another bad period and she didn't really take it on board, because he is so confident in class I think she thinks I'm just making it up...

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