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Is he cheating?

(30 Posts)
Cmajmp Thu 16-Mar-17 09:14:38

I don't know if it's just me being stupid or if I should trust my gut feeling. I have no evidence that it's happening. I just have a feeling. I also don't think he's physically cheated j just think he's texting another girl. He's very secretive with his phone and I know he deleted texts. He says it's to make room on his phone. He was deleting texts next to me yesterday and I'm sure there was a number saved with just a smiley face emoji but again I'm not sure. This morning when he got up for work he opened his phone on a text conversation and he deleted it ! I want to ask him because it's really playing on my mind but I don't know if it's just Me!

SparklyMagpie Thu 16-Mar-17 09:25:49

Well just ask him then

Dontsayyouloveme Thu 16-Mar-17 09:27:35

Sorry but being secretive with his phone is not a good sign in my experience. Can you make up a reason to borrow his phone, say 'o I just need to look for such and such on the internet' or something? If he won't give it to you or delays and deletes stuff then something is not right. I speak from experience. Am so sorry if he is cheating, physically or otherwise. ☹️

Dontsayyouloveme Thu 16-Mar-17 09:29:21

If you just come out and ask him, and he is cheating, he will obviously lie and say no! And possibly turn it round to you being the one at fault. If he isn't, he will happily hand his phone over immediately!

Bones17 Thu 16-Mar-17 09:30:22

Don't ask him. Because then he'll know you're on to him and start to be more careful if he is. You need to start snooping. I got my proof through seeing his mobile phone bills. Once I got her number, I entered it into the Facebook search bar and boom! Suspected woman.
If you know his passwords you could log in online. And view them there.
Ring and ask for joint bank statements to be sent to you. Look for suspicious activity there too.
Don't tell him you suspect until you know for sure. But your gut instinct is the key here. Trust it. X

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 16-Mar-17 09:31:44

From bitter experience, I would say trust your instincts. Particularly if you have been with your DP for a long time and this behaviour stands out as unusual.

Paperdoll16 Thu 16-Mar-17 09:32:13

He will definitely lie.

Trust your instincts.

Ask for his phone tonight. Check the phone book. Also WhatsApp as it should show you who he's recently chatted to. If you see the emoji number I would either text it or call it and see what happens...

Cmajmp Thu 16-Mar-17 09:41:04

I do feel like I need more evidence and it could just be all in my head. We have the "perfect" life so why throw it away to text someone else? Also his last ex fucked him over big style (cheated with his sister's boyfriend) so why would he do it to Me?!

Bones17 Thu 16-Mar-17 09:43:35

Don't ask him before you snoop OP. But trust your instincts
Mine had the perfect life too. But they just get bored Hun. Snoop. You're worth more than how you're feeling at the very least. How long have you been together? X

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Mar-17 09:51:50

Are you married?
Do you have DC together?
Always always trust your gut.
I knew with my recent Ex and my ExH.
You just know - you really do. My stomach was in knots and doing somersaults and I didn't even have proof.
I also needed proof and got a lot of it in both cases.
But it's said on here a lot - it's not a court of law - you do NOT need proof.
I know exactly why you feel you do though.
If you do get his phone go into settings. Down to battery. Give it a minute and it will show you the usage so you can see how he is communicating.
So Messenger might show as 10% but Whatsapp shows as 40%. So you'll know it's Whatsapp etc.... Then you can snoop from there.
(something I learnt on here recently) and it's very handy indeed.

Cmajmp Thu 16-Mar-17 09:53:51

I don't know how to snoop. He never leaves his phone and I don't think I know his password. The only timevi could even try to snoop is when he's sleeping! But if he deleted the messages I won't know anyway. If I ask him he will probably kick off won't he ?! Oh i hate thissad

peggyundercrackers Thu 16-Mar-17 09:55:10

just because someone texts a person of the opposite sex doesn't mean they are cheating. deleting a text message on a phone is a perfectly reasonable and normal thing to do.

asking this question on MN though you will just get answers that will make you more paranoid.

Bones17 Thu 16-Mar-17 09:57:16

What about the computer? Browse his internet history. That's where I found his porn. And probably his sick fantasies of being with OW. X

peggyundercrackers Thu 16-Mar-17 10:03:19

That's where I found his porn. And probably his sick fantasies of being with OW

that's some leap of imagination... just because someone watches porn doesn't mean they are cheating.

Paperdoll16 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:03:20

I found out H was texting OW and we were laughing every day, happy, lots of sex etc biggest shock of my life!!! I'll never forgive him for what he's done to me as a person!!

Paperdoll16 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:05:21

What I'm saying is that just because you're happy (and he's behaving happy) it doesn't mean he's not succumbed to a little bit more attention from a colleague or someone he's come in contact with! His behaviour is concerning and I wouldn't be surprised if you find more x

Cmajmp Thu 16-Mar-17 10:05:55

I already went through the computer. Nothing there! Internet history back to forever and nothing special. Also, him watching porn wouldn't upset me .... it's only porn lol

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Mar-17 10:11:15

It's only porn
Famous last words.

Sorry peggy but heavy users of porn and porn addicts need a new high a new kick. So guess what?
Yes they like to act it out in real life.
So what do they do?
Yes, they cheat. Bitter very recent experience talking here.
Not all of them of course but it's becoming more of thing as porn is used more heavily and so easy to access extreme stuff.

OP can you get onto his facebook? If so look at messenger.
Or can you see his mobile phone bills?

Bones17 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:18:50

Peggy the porn I found was only a problem because I could see it was a fantasy. It was an office scene (H works in an office) and a young secretary and her mate walk in (OW is a younger office worker).
Porn itself doesn't bother me. But it was defo him visualising a fantasy x

Adora10 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:53:14

Not looking good, why is he deleting texts like that and he clearly keeps his phone out of your sight; why is that; I'd be suspicious too, esp if you have a gut feeling.

To say you are ok with porn is slightly naïve; nowadays it's not just pics on your phone, it's web cams and interactions which can come from regular porn use; he's hiding something I'd say.

TheNaze73 Thu 16-Mar-17 11:36:56

Ok, those saying "just ask to see his phone", if somebody you were in a relationship with, said that you, would you honestly say, there you go, crack on? I have nothing to hide but, would tell anyone to do one.

Cmajmp Thu 16-Mar-17 11:58:39

The more I think about it the more silly I feel to be honest. If anything I think he's hiding something to do with money rather than a girl. I've always seen who he is texting etc but recently there has been some secrecy. He works and I don't. Money is tight but we manage and live what I would say is comfortably. Our daughter's first birthday is coming up and I've been worrying about what we can afford to get her but he's ordered things for her birthday and things for himself and when I've asked how he's paid for them he just says he works hard! I don't know. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place and he's not cheating but hiding things with money!

mickyblueyes Thu 16-Mar-17 11:59:27

My experience would be to trust your gut. Theres a 'cognitive dissonance' that happens in your brain that's kind of telling you subconsciously that something isn't right, but your brain is also trying to tell yourself "No he can't be, he wouldn't, i'm imagining it etc..."

If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't.

Dontsayyouloveme Thu 16-Mar-17 13:14:23

Just putting this questions out there.. I don't know the answer. If it was money.... would that show up on texts/whatsapp?

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Thu 16-Mar-17 13:24:27

I delete texts on my phone a lot. I delete whatsapps and emails. It's a curse of an IPhone, memory isn't that great on one.

Me personally, don't think you've got a lot to make a decision on. And if I found my husband snooping on my phone and Internet history because he got a "feeling" I would not be happy.

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