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I'm devestated

(80 Posts)
Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 07:50:03

Dp of 2 years walked out on me and my (not his) dd yesterday. I'm heartbroken. Absolutely. Been bad for a good few months now. He got a new job which took priory over everything. He even said to me his job was his priority but I thought things would get better but they got worse. He told me he doesn't want a family and he doesn't want anymore children (he had 2 from previous relationship). He knew I wanted another child eventually but never told me how he felt, he always said he would when the time Was right. He said u couldn't handle his new position. I could and I supported him the best I could, would listen to him hours on end talking about work. He would work 12 hours 5 days a week but even when he was home he would be either talking about work, doing work, sending emails or on the phone ect. He just doesn't want a family life he wants to be a single man and his life now revolves around his career. He told me he's sorry that his career got in the way of our relationship but it's something he has to pursue. He drinks from the moment he leaves work to the minute he goes to bed early everyday and turns into a arrogant arsehole when he's been drinking. I don't know if I was selfish or I pushed him sent but all I wanted was his time, not all of it. I tried my best to support him but we both want different things. Everything feels so raw and I just want him back even though I know it wouldn't be right

KateDaniels2 Thu 16-Mar-17 07:53:31

Its not your fault.

Its better he leaves now than years down the line, if he knows it isnt what he wants. Or worse leaves after you have a baby.

Do you really want to be with someone who drinks to much, never priortises you and admits his career comes first?

I know it hurts. Its painful. But it will get better and in the long run you are better away from him.

I am sorry you are hurting.

Shakey15000 Thu 16-Mar-17 07:58:12


Sounds like, for you, you are better off out of it anyway. At least he was honest about putting his career first/not wanting any more kids and not led you up the garden path. Doesn't stop the hurt I know, but best you know where you stand and can heal quicker.

TheNaze73 Thu 16-Mar-17 08:00:36

I can see why he's ended it, if he's dedicated to work. Probably best in the long run for both of you, as its addressed the baby, elephant in the room.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 16-Mar-17 08:00:52

Sounds like me past situation with exh. . I cried for 3weeks constantly. .
Then the cloud lifted and I realised how happy I was that he had gone!!
I met dh and we are very happy.
There is a better life out there for you - really!!

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 08:10:20

Everything feels so raw. How could he love us but leave us for a job. Why couldn't we find a happy medium? I'm so upset I feel like my whole life has come crashing down and I can't do anything about it. He took most of his stuff and coming back later while I'm out to collect the rest. He never used to be like this before this job, he completely changed. I have to sort all my finances out and bills because he paid most of them. Maybe I should of been thankful he paid for everything but it's not the money I wanted it was him, I told him I'd of loved him exactly the same if he has no money. After all money isn't everything, or is it? I don't even know anymore. We did have a nice lifestyle because of his pay I must admit but we was happier with less money and more time together

Rainbowqueeen Thu 16-Mar-17 08:10:20

flowers of course you are sad. The end of a relationship is always sad

Do you have friends you can cry with and who can distract you?
Every day it will get easier. Focus on your DD during the day and keeping busy always helps

Thinking of you

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 08:30:34

I just want him home, I feel so lost. Of course I begged him like a idiot whilst he was packing all his things but haven't done since. Yeah I have friends and family to help me but it just doesn't fill the void. Even when I was crying and begging him he was still answering phone calls from work.. suppose that says it all really.

highinthesky Thu 16-Mar-17 08:32:28

It will get better OP. Just as soon as you wake up yo the fact he is a selfish article.

To be fair, did he ever pretend otherwise?

BeesAreStinging Thu 16-Mar-17 08:33:42

It's early days. I'm not surprised you feel the way you do now. Give it time and you'll find a new normal flowers

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 08:38:55

He was never like this. He always loved family time but now he barley has a relationship with his own kids. I thought this is what he wanted. It wasn't until yesterday that he told me how he truly felt. He looked after my dd when I worked, but that was something be suggested and I never asked him to do so. Like I never asked him to pay the bills he wanted to. But if we argued be would throw it all back in my face and I felt trapped. I know he didn't have to look after my dd but when someone suggests it I presumed this is what he wanted. We are going back to a year ago before he got this job though. He was great with my dd and did housework while I was still work. I only work part time. I did everything for him while he was at work but still hot accused of not being supportive. I would sit and listen to him for hours talking about work, although I do have a job I can leave at work I understood that he couldn't always but surely there should of been some sort of line drawn? I would of sacrificed not having anymore kids for him, but it's too late now

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 08:40:28

He's 7 years older than me, I'm 25

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 08:42:07

I'm sorry I feel like I'm rambling on a bit but it's making me feel better

KateDaniels2 Thu 16-Mar-17 08:42:45

Why would you sacrifice having another baby, if thats what you want, for someone who doesnt want to sacrifice anything at all for you?

Tbh its almost a 100% gaurentee that had you have done that and he carried on as he was, you would end up hating him for taking that away. You would be in a shit relationship and feel the chance to have another baby has been taken away.

Bluntness100 Thu 16-Mar-17 08:53:13

It sounds like from what you say only Two years in and him paying for everything and providing you with child care has caused some insurmountable resentment on his part. A relationship ending is never easy, but both parties need to be happy for it to work. I'm sorry op, you now need to start to take some positive action for you and your child's future. .💐

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 09:02:37

That's fair enough but why couldn't he just say that. I'd of rearranged hours at work so he didn't have to if that's what he wanted

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 16-Mar-17 09:18:52

The increased drinking is a big negative so much as you are hurting, what kind of life would it have been.

It's good to have family support.
I am sorry you have to explain to your DD that he's not living with you any more.
His children must take second or third place behind the job too so all round he's failing on his personal life.

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 09:33:26

Yes I feel they do. We all have taken a hit from this job. All I want to do is message him. Or for him to message me to tell me everything will be OK and he's made a mistake and he's coming back

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 09:33:40

Oh God. I sound so pathetic

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Mar-17 09:44:21

No you don't.
It's how you feel.
It's how we all feel when something ends.
But in the long run it's far better for you and DC to be without a selfish arrogant alcoholic! And deep down you know this.
Cry, rage, do what ever you need to do.
Get family and friends around to support you.
Keep busy and most importantly, look after yourself.
Keep yourself hydrated and your sugar levels up.
Right now adrenaline is keeping you going but there will be a crash.
Be ready for it.
Sorry this is happening to you but at 27 you have a whole new adventure just waiting for you.

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 09:51:11

I genuinely thought he was the one. I'm truly devastated

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Mar-17 09:55:10

I know - we all think that.
Then something happens and you know that they aren't the one.
There will be more who are are 'the one' before you really do find the right man.
It's a crap crap time. It really is.
And nothing any of us say will make it better right now.
But you will get through this. Honestly you will and you'll be stronger for going through it!

Itsnotmyday Thu 16-Mar-17 09:57:52

Thank you so much for the kind words. He had put on Facebook last night "onwards and upwards" and at that point I decided I had to delete him. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound

Fontella Thu 16-Mar-17 10:03:41

* He drinks from the moment he leaves work to the minute he goes to bed early everyday and turns into a arrogant arsehole when he's been drinking*

Why the hell would you want a child with someone like this? And why would you want a pissed up workaholic arsehole around your existing child?

He's done you a favour love. You might not see it now, but trust me - a life with someone like this would be hell in the long run.

And well done for deleting him on Facebook. The less you see and hear about him the easier it will be.

PickAChew Thu 16-Mar-17 10:08:56

It's painful, but I think he's done you a favour. There is never a happy future with a man who can't put his relationship with you at the centre of his life.

And if he's alcohol dependent and a nasty drunk, then you're well rid.

You deserve much, much better than he was willing to give you flowers

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