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Please help me save my relationship

(2 Posts)
SoLost123 Wed 15-Mar-17 22:45:30

Hi guys NC because this is very outing..

My DP and I have been going through a "rough patch" for a while now... we've been together over 2 years and have 1 year old DS together, we've been through a lot - me losing my job while pregnant, family death, bad debt, homelessness, a lot of upheaval and distressing times - but we overcame these things together.

It's so hard for me to explain what is even wrong. I feel like I'm the problem. I've had bad depression for a while now (anti depressants didn't really help so not been on anything for about a year now but it's getting worse) and I can have really low moods where I'm grumpy and horrible in the mornings, lack get-up-and-go and generally drip around. I look after our baby all day while DP works 10/11 hour days. I don't have much family support and no friends so it's pretty isolating and boring having to go through a whole day stuck in the house with just my son and (what feels like) nothing to look forward to.

When DP has come home lately he's not interested in me. He'll play with our son for the hour or so before DS goes to bed but it feels like he barely looks my way. He doesn't chat with me or cuddle up or even look at me these nights! He says he's fed up with "having no life" it's so hard to explain..... I've tried asking him what's wrong but he's so vague.....I know he's depressed (his dad died last September and they were SO close) but I feel like he's pushing me away? How can I get closer to him? I feel like an annoyance or the "depressed girlfriend who's never happy with anything".....

I feel like he's with me because he has no where else to go and no money to leave. Our new house is still in a bad way because we are skint and sorting out debts. If it wasn't for that I wonder if he'd just leave...I'm so scared. I wake up every day in tears knowing I have to face the day alone looking after our son, while being so confused and lost, wanting to understand DP more. I'm scared to approach this subject with him as he always shuts down and doesn't want to talk, I end up crying which annoys him more and we just get nowhere.

Please help me save my relationship! This man is my whole world and I don't want to lose him sadsadsad

PatriciaHolm Wed 15-Mar-17 22:53:55

Been together over 2 years and have a 1 year old - sounds like you fell pregnant very quickly? And now you are a SAHM who doesn't get out, and he's working long hours.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster, unfortunately. And a downward spiral. He's unhappy and stressed, you are lonely and stressed, both are expecting too much from the other that you can't give.

Have you been back to the GP recently? If you had PND, that needs addressing. Why are you staying in the house all day - can you muster up the courage to go to baby group or something? It's not good for you to be sitting around by yourself all day, regardless of relationship issues.

His comment about having no life - suggests he feels trapped by the situation. If baby came along quickly and unplanned, your lives have changed immeasurably and he sounds like he's not coping with that. Which is kind of understandable but only in a "well, you've got to get on with it" way - if he's grown up enough to understand that. Sadly many fathers in this situation don't. It's not your fault he's (possibly) too immature to cope with the situation.

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