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Partner isn't helping me out financially as he promised?

(18 Posts)
busterhall Wed 15-Mar-17 17:43:14

Before moving in with my partner I was living alone and on ESA. When I moved in with him in January I lost all benefit because of his income and savings. he knew this before I moved in and we agreed that he would put some money in my account each month as well as cover the cost of food and bills. I know lots of people wouldn't do this but he did know that I am unable to work and that I would lose all benefit.

Since I have moved in he has not put any money in my account. He leaves some change on the bedside table for me and once gave me £20 which I used to buy some household goods we needed.

I feel really bad about asking for the money and am dissapointed he hasn't offered to put anything in my account yet.

Should I just ask him for some money?

Snowflake65 Wed 15-Mar-17 17:45:14

Yes you should ask but you shouldn't have to. He knew the situation when you got together so should be doing it automatically.

Tearsoffrustration Wed 15-Mar-17 17:45:20

You need to have a conversation with him about why this hasn't happened.

hoddtastic Wed 15-Mar-17 17:45:34

LTB if he asks why, tell him. you can't keep going cap in hand every time you need to buy tampons ffs.

ImperialBlether Wed 15-Mar-17 17:50:45

Does he pay for food and bills, as he agreed?

Tbh, the older I get the less likely I'd be to put up with crap like that. I'd rather have my own house and income than to be messed about by someone, particularly someone in my own home.

busterhall Wed 15-Mar-17 17:53:41

yes he does pay for the food and the bills. I think it might just have slipped his mind or he thinks we aren't really organised normally now. I have asked him for some money and he as I said leaves a few pounds for me on the bedside table but it isn't enough.

Razz1eDazz1e Wed 15-Mar-17 17:56:47

So all you have on any given day is a few quid change?
Go you go out most days or tend to stay in?

RedastheRose Wed 15-Mar-17 18:02:10

Don't accept this it is the slippery slope to financial abuse and being in an extremely vulnerable position. Tell him he needs to put the money in as promised and set up a Standing payment into your account as you are not going to have to ask him every time you need to buy something for the house or yourself. If he won't then you know that the relationship has no future as you can't be dependent on him in this way forever.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Wed 15-Mar-17 18:04:16

Write a spread sheet of all income and outgoings and sit and go through it with him. He maybe is clueless. .
Or maybe just a twat grin?

MiscellaneousAssortment Wed 15-Mar-17 18:05:45

Ask him. You'll be able to tell a lot by his response.

ImperialBlether Wed 15-Mar-17 18:07:30

So you've given up your home to move in with him?

busterhall Wed 15-Mar-17 18:14:38

Yes I gave up my home to move in here.

I don't go out every day as I am often not well enough to but I try to see my friends once every month or so and I need money for some personal things and vitamins that help with my condition.

NotTheFordType Wed 15-Mar-17 19:00:24

he as I said leaves a few pounds for me on the bedside table

Remind him that you're not a sex worker.

Sixoclocknews Wed 15-Mar-17 19:30:18

Did you discuss how much money he would give you?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 15-Mar-17 21:21:36

If it was a definite agreement then just ask if it would be OK to set up that standing order tonight so you won't have to keep on having to ask each time and have you both feeling awkward.

If you can't have that basic conversation then the relationship is doomed anyway.

SandyY2K Wed 15-Mar-17 21:27:46

Ask him to arrange a standing order to cover the amount you discussed before moving in with him.

That saves asking and saves him forgetting.

expatinscotland Wed 15-Mar-17 21:30:32

What Run said. 'Some' money. Did you not make it clear you were losing hundreds of pounds every month? It is never a good idea to give up your financial independence and freedom for a partner, especially an unmarried one and especially when you are unable to work.

I'm afraid you're going to have step up, be adult about this, make it clear how much you've lost, he needs to make it up by standing order, or you need to move out. As it stands, since the house is his, he can throw you out on a whim. You're incredibly vulnerable financially.

HelenaDove Thu 16-Mar-17 01:50:20

Slipped his mind my arse.

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