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Do you regret rejecting anyone romantically in the past?

(45 Posts)
bestbeforetoday Wed 15-Mar-17 13:52:47

I have just been wondering about this recently. In the past I have both been rejected by men and rejected men myself which I assume is fairly normal.

When I was younger I had a tendency to get hung up on men who had rejected me. I tended to make excuses for these men telling myself that they were just in a bad place at the time or that they were scared of intimacy and so on and admittedly some of these guys were really messed up, I seemed to have a thing for guys who smoked a lot of dope back then even though I didn't myself smoke. The two men who really broke my heart in my twenties are both still single now in their 40s athough they seem to have their lives sorted out now to some degree.

My ego still tells me that these men probably regret passing up on a good thing when they had it but if I am really honest I too rejected some decnet and not so decent men in the past. Some I did not like at all and others I did like but just didn't fancy enough or just wasn't feeling it with so I ended things or rejected their advances. In some cases I feel bad about hurting certain people but I don't regret ending the relationships or just not dating them, not at all.

So through that lens it seems likely that none of these men especially regret rejecting me! In one way its liberating because it allows me to stop wondering what if but its a little hard for my fragile ego to take!

Do any of you regret regecting people in the past or did you reject anyone you really actually liked because of other personal difficulties or do you think men are more likely to make these sorts of mistakes and have these regrets or do they just move on and forget easier than women?

Lostin3dspace Wed 15-Mar-17 14:23:55

Now that I am divorced, from a financially abusive twunt, then yes, I regret rejecting my lovely first boyfriend. I was a fool. Hope he found someone better than me and is happy though.
Of course, this means my children would be entirely different people, if they would exist at all, so I can't regret it entirely.

UpYerGansey Wed 15-Mar-17 14:26:54

I'm only sorry I didn't reject more of them, and sooner!

Gah81 Wed 15-Mar-17 14:35:07

I have been lucky enough to date, for the most part, really lovely men. But I have ended up rejecting them all (except one, who rejected me). Mostly because although they were sweet, reliable, good looking, nice, clever etc. I didn't feel the spark and knew I couldn't be with them for the rest of my life.

My DP is wonderful and I think I may have happened upon the (well, a) one for me but before him I did wonder whether I did the right thing with the others. When thinking about it, I had no fundamental regrets because even though I really liked them, I couldn't go back and manufacture emotions that just weren't there.

I don't think men forget more easily than women - lots of male friends of mine look back at "the one that got away" and sigh. I think regret maybe depends on whether there was anything you could have changed/done differently to make the relationship last or what you needed it to be.

LoveDeathPrizes Wed 15-Mar-17 14:37:23

Yup. All of them.

FellOutOfBed2wice Wed 15-Mar-17 15:20:00

I wish I had been nicer to my first boyfriend but I was young and silly and thought the grass was greener. I rejected a boyfriend in my mid twenties who I only wish I had rejected earlier grin both are fine now though and married and seem like my rejection didn't scar them for life.

As for the ones who rejected me or broke my heart, one I know regrets it because he told me he was sorry for treating me poorly when we met years later. I couldn't say it was okay because it still isn't- he was an arsehole and doesn't deserve me telling him it doesn't matter, even if I am okay now.

Thinkingofausername1 Wed 15-Mar-17 15:47:55

Oh yep.

HarmlessChap Wed 15-Mar-17 16:11:30

I do wonder what happened to a girl I dated briefly when I was 20. She came from my home town but was at Uni, I met her in the summer holidays and we dated briefly before she went back to Uni. It was always agreed that it was going to be short lived as we both had bad experiences of a LDR and didn't want to do the same again.

It was fun while it lasted but knowing that it had an end date might have been part of the fun.

category12 Wed 15-Mar-17 16:23:09

I regret not going out with Ben in the first year secondary. I thought he was taking the piss but in retrospect, he wasn't. I would have been cooler at school. grin

nonameinspiration Wed 15-Mar-17 16:26:38

Yes a travel agent in about 2007. He was lovely but I was a bit lost at the time. Plus I wouldn't have the dc I have so vest la vie

TheLongRains Wed 15-Mar-17 16:27:36

Going through a pretty shit time in my marriage right now, questioning whether my husband actually respects me, let alone loves me, and yup, I sometimes think of two previous guys that I ended things with because they liked me "too much" and I thought it was a bit clingy...

Maybe they were too clingy, and maybe it would have turned into something controlling and bad, but thinking back on how they used to ask about my day, consider me in their plan making and think that my future was as worth thinking about as theirs, I do miss that...

HebeBadb Wed 15-Mar-17 16:29:51

No. I can't think of a single person I regret rejecting. I regret ''accepting'' a good few though.

Weirdly though I know I would have rejected the man I'm seeing now if I'd met him at the beginning of the internet dating process that I'm on now. Not because I was consciously shallow but I was learning about what I wanted.

HebeBadb Wed 15-Mar-17 16:31:42

It's an interesting question you ask though!! It makes me think though. A man rejected me back in December 16. I was his first internet date. I thought we got on great and I foolishly imagine he'll come to regret that! More likely not I guess.

Expect some great posts in answer to this question!

NotAPuffin Wed 15-Mar-17 16:34:13

Yes.

HebeBadb Wed 15-Mar-17 16:35:59

Gah81 - I like that line about not being able to manufacture emotions that just weren't there. That just sums it up.

Stripyclouds Wed 15-Mar-17 16:52:26

Not really. All my decisions in life have been based on what I knew and felt at that time, and it was right then so there's no point in second guessing it.

However that being said, there are a couple I wish I had met at a different place at a different time and under different circumstancessmile

PineappleExpress Wed 15-Mar-17 16:57:21

Yep. A few very decent, very lovely men, who I am still very close friends with, who now and have wonderful relationships and are fabulous husbands and boyfriends. I'm only a teeny bit jealous grin

I needed to though because I wasn't even remotely ready for a nice guy until recently. As much as I wish I had left some shitty relationships a hell of a lot earlier than I did, I feel like I needed to go through the bad relationships to appreciate a good man if when he comes along.

My best male friend has been in love with me for about 13 years. It took me a lot longer to figure out how I felt, but he was already engaged at that point. We recently talked about whether it would have worked if we'd gotten together back then, and we both agreed that I was too sluttyblush much of a dick for it to have worked out and I would have hurt him and probably lost him forever.

PineappleExpress Wed 15-Mar-17 16:58:37

Ooh. I like stripy clouds second paragraph. That's more how I feel about it. I don't regret things because I try to learn from things, but yes, different time/different place describes it perfectly

Imi22sleeping Wed 15-Mar-17 17:00:30

I have had two boyfriends one was proper teenage first love and it ended when uni began.
The second is my husband i didnt really reject anyone i was never into boys. I kind of regret not being into boys and having more fun the state my marriage is in at the.moment

tigerrun Wed 15-Mar-17 17:01:01

Oh fuck yes. I was stupid and spoilt for choice but made the wrong one several times. Plus ended the relationship with the love of my life for what I now realise are incredibly immature reasons. The benefit of hindsight is an incredible thing, plus youth really is wasted on the young!

WellyT Wed 15-Mar-17 17:01:16

I rejected a really nice guy about nine years ago, we were young and he blew a bit hot and cold with me, I ended up ghosting him and we lost touch.

We reconnected last year and now live together. He is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me but I do regret walking away all those years ago and 'losing' the best part of a decade. We're making up for it now though grin

Any of my other exes, I don't regret a thing, they all turned out to be either abusive or cheats.

Christmasnoooooooooooo Wed 15-Mar-17 20:06:26

I never believe any one who ask me put and when they did I did not believe them and got confused. So said no.

ohmygodyouguys Wed 15-Mar-17 20:11:05

Don't know about regret but definitely wonder what might have been.

fedupandnogin Wed 15-Mar-17 20:20:37

I am with someone who is totally lovely but, for me, there is a spark lacking. But when I've had a spark before it's always with bad men so I'm wondering whether there's just something wrong with me :-/

verywellspoken Wed 15-Mar-17 20:21:16

It's not regret so much, if the feelings weren't there then they weren't there. But I do look back on a couple of people who's qualities I've come to value more as I've got older, and wonder if I had met them later in life what would have happened. I was friends with a very decent guy at college, and he wanted more than friendship. He lived in a caravan in a lay by at age 16, as he parents were alcoholics and he couldn't live with them and get an education as well. I wish I had chosen him over the spoilt brat I wasted my college years on! I think nice guys get overlooked a lot.

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