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Is this classed as cheating and am I stupid to forgive?

(57 Posts)
Missforgivable55 Wed 15-Mar-17 12:43:16

I'm not sure why these things keep occurring. I have been with someone for 2 years now. In a nut shell We met on Facebook and talked for 2 weeks everyday, then it slowed down I would talk to him on what's app he would go online and then see my messages and come off. I would comment on that and that was my first mistake brining insecurities. I've learnt from that and kinder stood that and I take it as my bad.

We finally met up and he went through my phone after 3 weeks of talking to each other. Now I had 2 guys in my phone. 1 guy who has been trying to get with me but I felt sorry for him so spoke to him but he new we wouldn't be togther and another guy I found attractive but me and him never flirted as I no he liked someone else so it was nothing. I also slept with him that same night. From then we were still talking and then after 1 month I made a fake Facebook to see if he was still talking to other girls like he spoke to me as yes your getting the drift that maybe I might be too insecure. But my insecurities turnt into be intuition. I would always see new friends being added to his Facebook. Girls I can't possibly make a clear understanding of how they could be friends. Back to the Facebook. I added his friends and made mutual friends and after 2 hours I got a message from him sayin the same lines he picked me up with. I spoke to him and said that was my cousin you added and but guess what I forgave him as I was already infactuated by him. After 2 months I saw one particular girl he added and he called this girs number one day from my phone but forgot to delete the call. I look her up on what's app and it's the same girl he added on FB. Also he was acting weird with me. When I would call him he would say he is sleeping and I no he don't sleep till late. So I phone her ask her what's up. I find out they had been talking met up a few times. Also I told her who I was and she seemed to be on my side. I still was getting a weird vibe. By this time me and this guy is practically seeing each other everyday and living with each other. I would cook for him daily. Provide his sexual needs and generally be company for him. Help him with money etc all because I loved him. Then I was still getting a feeling something was up or this could have been insecurities as I no what he was capable of. So I put up a picture of me and him on my what's app and blocked him because he always said don't put a picture of him on my what's app cos it's "bait" so yea I used it as "bait" the same girl messages me saying I don't get it are you and so and so togther?

I'm like B&£)(& didn't I speak to u a month ago and tell u I'm with him and u seemed to be on my side. And now your telling me you don't get it. Ovi I never said that. I'm not the front. But u tell her the deal and I said I'm with him everyday and I'm with him then she gets me back by sending me picture of her and him in bed. Omg. So I message him and he cusses me out saying it's my fault I never should have called her she's cussing me out saying I couldn't keep a man and I'm in the middle like fuck what did I do wrong here. So as time goes on he cries and said he is sorry. But this face book activities still go on. Which leads me to think he was crying over her because he new she was out. So one point I got fed up crying everyday not being me. So I started to tak to someone else just to get him back. Now if I had a buzzer I would press it. Worst thing I could have done. I had no emotional feelings to this guy but I wanted to let this guy no how it's feels for it to happen and then at this point I wanted someone to fall back on I case he done this to me again because when he done it everytime I felt so depressed to the point that I hated myself. But he used this against me when he found out saying I'm no angle so everytime I find out about a girl he would say I'm not angle. Time after a portfolio of the same activities would be building. He would talk to someone I would find out and then I'll forgive him. Store it in my me worry and everytime I would argue with him but forgive him. But after that one he slept with he only seemed to be talking to other girls or meeting up with them. This happened around 15 times in 2 years. So of the girls would be Facebook pages I made and I couldn't ovi tell him it's me I made the Facebook he would have another thing over me like psycho so I sed I feel like your cheating on me and he would use that against me everytime we argue saying your so insecure even when I'm not cheating you remember you sat down and said you think I was cheating. Little did he no I was the one he was cheating with on me.

Another one where he started to fall in love with the girl going out and saying his with family. Phoning her in my presence. Taking her places I took him. I got a way in his phone and found out who not was and phones her. She told me everything plus I saw the messages he sent to her. Saying she's his angle and that he told his dad about her. I confront him and he said yea she is my angle. He was so angry at me and I didn't do anything. I question myself why so much anger when I'm
Always there for him. Then he appologised saying that he only said that to hurt me. At this point me and him were just friends still sleeping with each other but he didn't want to be with me so he kind of was legitly speaking to her. But when she finally ended with and said she didn't like it that way he put a sad face on what's app and then asked me back out and he printed it was for me y he was upset. And so I phone her. She's ended it with him. And she's told me everything. This girl was about for 3 weeks. Then it was me and him. (Little details I missed out was this guy wanted to change his life for her, talking about marriage and kids, telling me to abort my baby as I was newly pregnant at the time, crying tears that his not ready)

So anyways me and him continue because I've forgiven him. But this time I said straight no sex. I got to find me. I took him back this time because he tried to commit suicide and now thinking back about it I think it's cos he lost her but he told me its cos I won't forgive him. So I forgave him. But then things were going a move new baby. (Little things I didn't mention, he really looked after me, at this point he had money, took me on sprees, told me he loved me, showed me he loved me, he was just there for me and down for me, we argued a lot but that's dos a lot of things were on me where I couldn't trust him, but he was so good to me) he then gave me another reason to forgive him saying he won't do it agiain and put my photo on his Facebook but prior doing that I saw that his friends list went down a lot and most of the people deleted was girls.

Due to him trying to commit suicide era he ended up back in hospital a few times more and I ran straight there all the time to be with him. Helping through the whole thing because I loved him and he was now unwell. But then when he was at home I saw a new activity on FB. Yes I should not have been thinking about FB at a time when my partner was unwell but I did. I saw a hot new girl added. But I left it. After 3 months I then couldn't take it as the arguments was getting more. He said we should name our daughter this girls name when we was talking about names and he said her full name. Not knowing I've stalked her Facebook many times. And after a while he deleted her of his Facebook. Cos I was curious as to why she was no longer on his Facebook. So I add that girl to my fake account and talk to her asking does she no this guy. She says yes, shows me pics, he would tell her he loves her accent, her bum, that he really likes her. He would message her morning every morning and she said she didn't like him like that and thought he was gay so she told him she don't like him. So they stopped talking . And then she sent me pics of them goofing around having fun. I send them to him and cried and cried saying you said you would never do this. He says his sorry and that why am I bringing it up now when it happened in the past and let's not live in the past his sorry but he has learnt from that. Then after that the same things happens a with another girl and he says those same lines because I don't find out about it until months later so I said u can't keep doing this, it's not fair why do I keep finding out about girls. Now the latest one is I went through his phone and he has no messages to any girls oh yea by the way he deleted Facebook for me. No messages on his phone no what's app he don't have Facebook so I was suprised. But u no I still keep digging. Looking at photos and then guess what I find. Phone log. I look at that and I've found out in March that a phone call has been made to a number that is not saved. So I take that number look at her on what's app and it's a picture of girl I new he once had on Facebook but deleted. But he told me they were just friends and known each other since college. I call her and she tells me yea he likes her but really they just friends, because she told him she dosent like him that way and no they met on Facebook. She said he says things like he wanted to kiss her, does she think his good looking, if he put it on her she wouldn't be able to resist. They meet up twice nothing happened but she said he put his hands on her hips and held it there for seconds and that's when he told her afterwards that he wanted to kiss her. Did he stop himself because of me or because of her telling him she dosent like him that way?

So in December last year he invited her to the cinemas which we don't even do as we have no money. But recently he has been saying me and him don't talk. (I have uni, I work and have three kids) I'm trying but I get tiered but he blames me.

She tells me that he told her that they vybz and no one gets him like she does and they had a little argument because she said although she didn't like him like that all the time he was trying to get with her when did he have a chance to have a baby and he said the person her had the baby with wasn't a serious thing and that he is just there for the child. And that the child comes and visits him and that she should come see the child. And that he wants her to be God mother.

This time I have left him. But he said this isn't a good reason for me to leave him and his crying but I think it's fake to be honest with you. He says so what if he has called her this year. She is just a friend but she says yes they are friends but he likes her. This time he sees nothing wrong with calling her? He said it was just a phone call. But I feel it is wrong and he is disrespecting me again because he is calling someone who he fancies.
Why would someone do this? Have I done something wrong am I missing something here. Please someone advice me.

KingLooieCatz Wed 15-Mar-17 12:55:17

You did the right thing leaving him. He doesn't have to agree!

Doesn't matter why, you got away from this unhealthy relationship before it got any worse. Suggest you wait a while before getting involved with anyone else, give yourself some time for your self esteem to recover from this mess.

SparklingRaspberry Wed 15-Mar-17 13:09:11

I'm gunna be totally honest. I didn't read all of it. I couldn't.

Without sounding rude can I ask how old you both are?

It just sounds so childish. Going through your phone after 3 weeks? Creating fake Facebook profiles?
I don't know how you both had the energy to do all that

You did the right thing leaving him.

xStefx Wed 15-Mar-17 13:11:36

To be honest OP I couldn't read it all later. It sound's like a really immature relationship. Don't waste any more time worrying about it, you don't seem right for each other.

Secretariat Wed 15-Mar-17 13:20:02

I couldn't read it all, all I kept seeing was FACEBOOK. FB has a lot to answer for, lets all go back to dating like the good old days where there was no FB profiles, snooping on each others accounts, getting jealous because he / she has liked another persons post, or ranting because OH didn't like your post....the list goes on.

Good job he has gone.

ProseccoBitch Wed 15-Mar-17 13:22:58

Oh my goodness, you all sound like you're about 12 years old.

lorelairoryemily Wed 15-Mar-17 13:25:36

I couldn't read it all either, you both sound very immature

CrochetBelle Wed 15-Mar-17 13:32:44

And you have three children caught up in this nonsense??

Annabel11 Wed 15-Mar-17 13:38:35

The best thing you can do is learn from this and become more mature about relationships.

namechange20050 Wed 15-Mar-17 13:45:24

I couldn't read it all, sorry op. But why on earth did you put up with his going through your phone? Don't carry on with this nonsense. Its not worth it.

JumpingJellybeanz Wed 15-Mar-17 13:45:55

Stay well away. This man doesn't love or care for you. You're a convenient and willing shag when he's got nothing better to do. Sorry that's harsh but it's true, that's all you are to him. He's showing you repeatedly that he's still actively seeking something better (although denying that's what he's doing to keep you in line). He'll be off like a shot the minute he finds someone stupid enough to have him.

Underthemoonlight Wed 15-Mar-17 13:54:14

i couldn't read it all either what a mess and in the throws of it are three children, for the sake of your dc do not get back with this man!

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 15-Mar-17 13:54:14

You are not stupid to forgive (or at least try to (IME)) - nevertheless this doesn't sound a very healthy dynamic.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 15-Mar-17 13:58:33

Grow up, and when you have, have a proper relationship without playing games with fake profiles etc

Adarajames Wed 15-Mar-17 14:23:02

I gave up reading after first paragraph, but as pp says, it all sounds very immature. Get rid and stay rid and find a grown adult to get involved with

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 15-Mar-17 14:34:34

Not a proper relationship at all. Nerver will be. Your kids don't need you to be involved with this bullshit. And would you encourage them to be with someone like that? I guess not.

Kikikaakaa Wed 15-Mar-17 14:52:52

You have 3/4 children, please please stop wasting all of your lives on this man. It sounds depressing and just such a waste. He doesn't love you he is waiting to find someone better! Get rid of him

NewPuppyMum Wed 15-Mar-17 15:12:45

I read about four lines. Enough to know this man is a twat, you need work on yourself and you definitely should block him.

Missforgivable55 Thu 16-Mar-17 06:42:10

Thanks guys. I felt stupid writing it. I just feel so low. I'm 25

CaoNiMartacus Thu 16-Mar-17 07:04:17

This is what I imagine Zoella's book is like.

AnyFucker Thu 16-Mar-17 07:09:56

Dear God

Kids bringing up kids. It's all there ^^

BeingATwatItsABingThing Thu 16-Mar-17 07:16:25

AnyFucker I hope you aren't commenting on the fact that she's 25 with kids.

I'm 22, have a DD and a very much committed relationship with my DP (DD's DF).

Hoppinggreen Thu 16-Mar-17 07:18:53

I'm sorry but I couldn't read it all either, it was like listening to my teenager.
Anyway, if children are involved and you don't trust him then get rid

Oblomov17 Thu 16-Mar-17 07:28:02

I couldn't read all of it either. You sound about 12, insecure and unhinged. Ringing the girl? He sounds like a player and a knob.

LouisevilleLlama Thu 16-Mar-17 07:30:45

I for once a tiLly read it all as a challenge to myself but it was hard! Really with kids you can't be doing this shit constant fake profiles cheatimg on yourself with him, harassing other women, surely it would be exhausting

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