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same rules?

(13 Posts)
cooliebrown Wed 15-Mar-17 09:15:55

If you had done something that caused your OH to become very upset and angry (without any intention of causing such upset and anger) how would you respond if your OH then did the exact same thing just a few weeks later?

BrieAndChilli Wed 15-Mar-17 09:19:36

I don't react, I just act like I think the situation should be handled and then I calmly point out the hypocrisy

E.g.
A few weeks ago there was a chip in on of DHs mugs, not a particularly special one just one he likes to use. He went all grumpy about how it was chipped and it must of been me as I'm so heavy handed when I'm putting dishes away etc etc
Last week he dropped and chipped one of these little square dishes I had recently bought. I just said oh dear never mind and then I posted out the difference in our reactions and that there's no point getting worked up over something that's not worth much in monetary or sentimental value.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 15-Mar-17 11:44:16

I think it would depend on what had be done.
And if he then deliberately did it to me as revenge.
I'd not be pleased at all.
You can't have one rule for one and then one for another.

Sylvannas Wed 15-Mar-17 11:57:20

My DH did this once. He's pretty logical so I calmly explain why I'm upset and give examples.

He usually apologises and then acts like an abandoned puppy lol

cooliebrown Wed 15-Mar-17 21:20:23

So, I was booking our holiday flights. OH was in the room, and we discussed dates/times/prices. I booked the flights and paid out of our joint account, telling OH that I could transfer money from our savings but that I thought the joint account could stretch to the flights. A few days later OH blew up at me telling me I was very much in the wrong for paying for the flights without agreeing it with them first, that any money in the joint account belonged to both of us and shouldn't be spent other than by joint agreement. OH was very angry, and spoke with contempt as if I was trying to get away with something. I was upset also, because I couldn't see that I had done anything very much wrong at all - our holiday will be paid for by both of us and there was plenty in the joint account to cover the costs.

Come this Friday OH comes home from work and tells me that they had booked some concert tickets (not for me, for OH, DSD & AN Other), paying for them from the joint account because their account was going to be tight later in the month. OH will pay the joint account back at month end when paid.

I calmly expressed my unhappiness, as when I had done something similar I had been treated to aggressive raised voices and was spoken to like a thief. Surely if it was wrong for me to spend money from joint account is was wrong for OH to do so.

OH has given a grudging apology for not discussing with me first, but will not apologise for being vile to me when I did the same.

cooliebrown Wed 15-Mar-17 21:21:48

FYI cost of flights c£200 cost of concert tickets c£170

SandyY2K Wed 15-Mar-17 21:25:48

I guess if your OH will be paying the money back to the joint account, I wouldn't be too fussed.

It's more the blowing up and agressive behaviour that would worry me though. There's no need for that.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Wed 15-Mar-17 21:32:26

What did he say when you reminded him that you spoke about it when he was in the room at the time of booking OP?

Sounds to me like double standards.

Sylvannas Wed 15-Mar-17 21:32:56

Sounds like a bit of a double standard to be honest. I'd leave it though..as long as he puts the money back in where's the harm.

Pick your battles I'd say.

keeponmoving Wed 15-Mar-17 21:40:03

He sounds like a bully who doesn't take responsibility for behaving abusively. Does it happen often and what would he do if you spoke to him like that?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 15-Mar-17 21:41:11

I can't get my head around your logic. You only want him to apologise for being vile to you because he committed the same offence. So that means you think it is OK for him to treat you like shit if he thinks it is "justified". No.

He doesn't get to decide under which circumstances you will tolerate abuse. That's your choice. What he thinks or believes is irrelevant.

Where do you draw your line? Who owns your line?

QuirstThenching Wed 15-Mar-17 21:54:22

Op the man, OH a woman?

Ineedmorelemonpledge Wed 15-Mar-17 22:22:36

Could well be Quirst.

Either way double standards. And the flights were discussed and booked for joint people.

Op offered to move money if it was a stretch.

The concert tickets were booked without discussion from the joint account, and even more brass neck...for a third party too!

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