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Sometimes the RAGE is too much

(19 Posts)
WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Wed 15-Mar-17 08:18:42

I am married to an ignorant, incompetent, passive, sluggish, haughty, self-important, unresisting, selfish, unasssertive, opinionated, egoistic, meek, weak, useless, malleable, suggestible, gullible, susceptible, arrogant, pompous, conceited, entitled FUCKER.


How do you all deal with the anger? [anger]

Another morning, another argument shock I feel so horrid for my DS. I am trying so hard not to argue in front of him, but the STBXH is stalling, and seems to be deliberately choosing houses which will fall through. I WANT TO MOVE ON QUICKLY. I only have the Easter holidays, really, as work FT. He wants care of the DC half the time yet I have been lumbered with the one month holiday at Easter. Perfect time to move, no?

Oh no.

Why can't he just limit his frigging house search to EMPTY properties? It is not hard. I DID IT. Why can't he?

Oh no. He needs 'a large enough home' and 'it might be my last house' and 'I need to consider my needs'.

Just about sums up our marriage. All about HIM and HIS needs. What about the DCs? Why can't he put them first? I am downsizing MASSIVELY and chose a house with the children first. I even chose a place for him, with a view to the DCs loving it - which the did (I took them ALL to see it, including him).

All along, I have been reasonable, amicable, even helpful to him.

What do I get in return?

Sometimes it seems it's not worth being amicable with a fucking idiot.

Please help me. How do I deal with this RAGE? I have chucked a few things around this morning but I am so angry that it feels suicidal. I really feel like I could top myself right now and it would fucking SERVE HIM RIGHT.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Wed 15-Mar-17 08:20:15

Ok. I am crying and I am managing to bring myself down.
It will pass. It will pass. It will pass.
I can't think thoughts like this. It is not healthy and it is not true. I can't act on it and should not feel like this.

I must let the anger waft.

Sorry for multiple posts.

Make me laugh, someone! Maybe I need to laugh my way out of the anger.

Kittencatkins123 Wed 15-Mar-17 08:29:40

It sounds like you are being reasonable and he is being incredibly selfish and infuriating.

BUT this will be over in time and you will be happy with your DC!

Maybe you need to find some ways to manage your stress when you feel like this? E.g. Deep breathing, writing things down, going for a run if that's possible...

Stay strong!

Isadora2007 Wed 15-Mar-17 08:37:49

Do you need him to move to release capital for your new house?

Oh and why were the numbers afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9

That's my sons favourite joke. grin

Isadora2007 Wed 15-Mar-17 08:39:53

Also. Just a suggestion, but could you cease communication with him altogether? Set out your expectations or requirements one last time and explain that as he is stalling and refusing to cooperate you are no longer interested in talking to him. Then only communicate vie email so it is all
Written down. And he may stop the attention seeking stalling and move on too. Or not as he sounds a complete wanker.

Secretlife0fbees Wed 15-Mar-17 09:03:13

OP I feel your pain (mine has finally left) - this period is truly the worst bit - remember that. He'll obviously be trying to wind you up as much as he can like mine did. I found writing it all down really helped me get it out without punching him in his stupid fucking face. I still have a desire to lodge a spade in his head every time I see him (when collecting the dc) but I manage to control it since it's just a couple of quick interactions.
My life is now 1000000% better, I feel like I've won the lottery! This will be YOU soon! Don't let him bring you down, the worst is nearly over xx

Jacarandatree Wed 15-Mar-17 14:22:23

kansas I sympathise. Let the anger be directed towards the things you need to do. Use it to propel you forward. Don't let the STBxH derail you with his passive aggression. Just posting quickly to support you. Things that make me laugh -I follow "cutest animals ever" on twitter. And the YouTube video of the talking dog. Makes me laugh every time!! You WILL get through this. All things pass.

Jacarandatree Wed 15-Mar-17 14:25:16

And yes, I have found going no contact as Isadora suggested has been a revelation. Life is so much more peaceful now. Even though my STBXH tried to poke the bear via the solicitors, he can't get to me directly. And that's the way it will stay!!

TreeTop7 Wed 15-Mar-17 17:05:46

This uncertainty is horrid. I know how it feels. I would give up experiencing the summer if it meant I could fast forward to decree absolute...I'm not being facetious, I mean it. I want it finalised. I want to be notmarried.

Have a look at some of the funny threads on Mumsnet Classics. I usually end up crying with laughter.

PollytheDolly Wed 15-Mar-17 17:15:53

I am married to an ignorant, incompetent, passive, sluggish, haughty, self-important, unresisting, selfish, unasssertive, opinionated, egoistic, meek, weak, useless, malleable, suggestible, gullible, susceptible, arrogant, pompous, conceited, entitled* FUCKER.


Say it how it is OP. Better out than in.

For you flowerswine

HebeBadb Wed 15-Mar-17 17:18:29

God help you. I used to feel this rage all the time. wine

and you'd better have another glass.


Watch a Kirsten wiig film on Netflix.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Sat 18-Mar-17 05:44:11

Thank you so much, everyone. I found your replies so very helpful.
Isadora that was a great joke grin

You are right, I need to direct the anger into something more productive and I will detach more. I am making the most of his "caring" for the children and arranging my own nights out. Things to take my mind off him. I am going to detach more. If he is intent on dithering and making my life hard, so too, will I be. He can cook his own dinners, do his own shopping, wash his own clothes. Even with the separation, I had been kind to him, out of compassion and in the interests of staying amicable.

However, as I said in another thread, he has the words AMICABLE and ARSEHOLE mixed up. angrysadconfused

Ecclesiastes Sat 18-Mar-17 05:54:44

Whaat?! Stop skivvying for him, stat.

Imagine you are Angela Merkel and he is Donald trump. The whole world knows he's a twat, and understands you are obliged to communicate with him.

Stay strong flowers

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Sat 18-Mar-17 06:08:40

Thank you! I was doing the stuff to keep things amicable and pleasant. Thought it might make things easier for DCs. But yes, this is consistent with the Merkel-Trump model you propose grin Thank you for helping. Need to keep the bubbling rage under control.

Phillipa12 Sat 18-Mar-17 06:20:48

Shit yes, hes never going to move if your still doing his cooking and washing! Detach and do fuck all for him, hes an adult, you can still be perfectly amicable and reasonable, its wonderful not having to sort out another adults shit esp when they dont appreciate it, your life will get so much easier!

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Sat 18-Mar-17 06:26:27

I'm going to put it to him that if he wants to take that long, I will have to get a bridging loan to move when it is convenient, and it will have to come out of the equity of the house before we split it.

I have been so stupid, still doing his stuff. I thought I could be kind. Yes, you're right - I can still be amicable without all that. Need to rise beyond his babyish ways.

It will feel SO good to get rid of this man child. Thanks for reminding me.

Ecclesiastes Sat 18-Mar-17 08:08:25

Well done OP.

He's nothing to you. Yeah, father of your DC, blah-di-blah, but right now you need to detach as much as you can for the sake of your mental health.

Imagine he means as much to you as he does to one of us, ie fuck all. Keep focussed on your beautiful shiny future without him.

Mermaidinthesea Sat 18-Mar-17 08:11:15

Kansas I'm so sorry I'm going through the exact same thing with an ignorant, lazy tosser.
At the moment I have to take sleeping pills at night or I'd start screaming and the police would be involved.
I'm never getting married again.
I feel your pain. It will be over, we will move on. xxxxxxxx

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Sat 18-Mar-17 11:19:45

Thank you. Really appreciate these messages.

I tipped his dirty washing in the middle of his room this morning and he has already done his first load smile Small steps. Yes, I need to detach. Detach. Detach. Think of beautiful house.

Sorry for your annoying tosser husband Mermaidinthesea
Me too. NEVER want to be married again. Why would I lose my beautiful freedom? Idiots.
Hope you are managing some treats. I maxed out his card with lovely things for myself. I know he will never even notice, because he doesn't even bother to check the balance, never mind what it was spent on. He is soooooo passive.
flowers for you. Thank you. Xx

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