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Pressures and expectations of OLD - advice please!!!!!!

(9 Posts)
SunshineHQ Tue 14-Mar-17 20:50:07

Does anyone have any reassuring stories of dating post divorce (I'm 45) without needing to brave the
rollercoaster of online dating, in particular the likes of Tinder, etc...

I've taken a look at one online dating site, but just was overwhelmed by the expectations of everything. I've never been someone in my 20s/early 30s to end up sleeping with someone on a first date, or having a series of carefree flings or one night stands. Yet now, if you want to go dating in your mid 40s, it seems to be expected.

I've only slept with 7 people in my entire life. And with the exception of one, they were all relationships that meant something and lasted a while. Most were originally friends-of-friends, or friends-of-colleagues. Three were boyfriends I met skiing. For some reason, if I was single, I always managed to find a new boyfriend on a ski holiday. Perhaps the combination of spending a whole week getting to know someone, while skiing in the daytime and partying in the evenings.

I've been separated for 2 1/2 years, and divorce should be finalised in May.

I know I may need to get a bit less risk-adverse, but I don't think I can manage the complete change that seems to be required. Is this really what everyone out there now expects?

And how on earth do you juggle all of this around having two kids who are with you 6+ nights per week? And now living in the "Suburbs" with a peer group who are all mainly friends you know through your children, and mostly couples? How do you get the freedom to just see how things go in a new relationship?

Sorry for what may seems really naive OP. I feel like my "former 25 year old self" here, but I just can't get my head around all of this.

Practical advice please smile. I don't know where to start on this .....

SpringtimeSun Tue 14-Mar-17 20:54:08

Have you joined the OLD thread on here? Good advice and support on there.

RedastheRose Tue 14-Mar-17 21:14:41

No idea, interested to see what advice you get though, similar circumstances here.

sparkle00 Tue 14-Mar-17 21:37:59

Start my thinking...there are no pressures or expectations.
Date when you can. The slower the better in my opinion smile

ohforfoxsake Tue 14-Mar-17 21:48:21

Everyone will have different stories to tell. Go in to it with an open mind and a thick skin. Don't have great expectations.

I know a fair few people who met partners on Guardian Soulmates.

Take your time, don't rush to involve someone in your life. Enjoy the dating. Go for a pre-date coffee before an actual date. There are some horror stories, and their are Some great ones. I joined OLD and went on one date. Got lucky I guess but it does happen! smile

SunshineHQ Wed 15-Mar-17 21:01:50

Thanks for the Guardian Soulmates suggestion..... that looks interesting, and maybe more 'me' (or at least not so terrifying).

MadeForThis Wed 15-Mar-17 21:17:09

Book a ski holiday??

SunshineHQ Wed 15-Mar-17 21:37:40

Ski holiday would be great, smilewinegrin. But the single mum with two kids in tow, just doesn't seem to have the same success rate.....

Hellothereitsme Wed 15-Mar-17 21:52:36

I was late 40s when I ended up on the dating scene as a result of separation from my H. I had only slept with 2 people my H and an ex.

I joined tinder and POF. I have been on some lovely dates, lunches, coffees and walks. I have now been with boyfriend for 18 mths who I met on POF.

Unsurprisingly all the men I met were far more experienced than I was. Seems most of the blokes I met have done a lot of dating and ONS. The ones I slept with all wanted Anal and were obsessed with no hair. Seems to be the norm. I just stuck with my beliefs and did what I wanted. The bloke I am now with is lovely. He has kids the same age as mine. We are just taking it slowly. There will be no blended families until mine go to university.

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