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I'm in a pickle. Advice needed

(10 Posts)
Owl81 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:40:34

Hello,

So I've been in a relationship with my husband for 18 years. Been married for 5 this year.
I no longer liven my husband the way a wife should. I want children but not with him and it's tearing me apart.
He provides for me financially and on the outside looking in, our relationship is ok. It's never had the chemistry that I crave, but it's been ok. I'm just not in love with him and if I'm being truthful with myself, I've never been totally either.
I told him that I didn't think that having children with him was a good idea as I don't think he'd be the parent I would want for my children. I feel neglected and I've gone past the stage of craving his attention. I don't mind I feel he works late or goes on weeks away with friends for sports events. I just don't care anymore.
I don't earn a lot, but I know that I would be able to cope. What's stopping me leaving is the guilt that he won't be able to cope without me. I know that he'd never bother about being in another relationship and I hate the thought of him being alone for the rest of his life.

Help, please.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 14-Mar-17 16:45:31

"What's stopping me leaving is the guilt that he won't be able to cope without me. I know that he'd never bother about being in another relationship and I hate the thought of him being alone for the rest of his life."
Really? He wouldn't cope? And he'd stay single forever? What do you base these expectations on?

Pallisers Tue 14-Mar-17 16:48:29

I don't earn a lot, but I know that I would be able to cope. What's stopping me leaving is the guilt that he won't be able to cope without me. I know that he'd never bother about being in another relationship and I hate the thought of him being alone for the rest of his life.

You are being fairly patronising and condescending to this man. He might get a new lease on life if he finds himself first of all not living with someone who doesn't like him or respect him very much and second free to meet someone nice who does.

Please leave and let him have a chance at meeting someone else or just living a good life without you martyring yourself unnecessarily - nothing worse than living with a martyr.

Owl81 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:52:15

Hmmmm. I had a feeling this may have come out wrong. He has said on many occasions he doesn't particularly like women and that if we wasn't married that I wouldn't be a friend of his. We have just drifted apart.
This isn't me being condescending or patronising, he would agree.

highinthesky Tue 14-Mar-17 16:54:47

Try him, I think you might be surprised at how well your DH survives without you OP.

Adora10 Tue 14-Mar-17 16:56:05

Start putting your needs first then you will find your answer; you're too worried about him, would he be giving you the same courtesy, sounds like you live separate lives anyway.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 14-Mar-17 16:58:04

"He has said on many occasions he doesn't particularly like women and that if we wasn't married that I wouldn't be a friend of his. We have just drifted apart."
Well there's your answer. Split. What age are you both BTW? How much of your lives have you already wasted clinging to a relationship through habit?

Pallisers Tue 14-Mar-17 16:58:47

He has said on many occasions he doesn't particularly like women and that if we wasn't married that I wouldn't be a friend of his.

Don't think either of you are particularly bothered about this relationship. Life is too short, why not move on.

Latenightreader Tue 14-Mar-17 17:03:59

"He has said on many occasions he doesn't particularly like women and that if we wasn't married that I wouldn't be a friend of his."

I cannot imagine any circumstance in which I would want to be married to, or even live with someone who felt like that.

Stormtreader Tue 14-Mar-17 17:07:22

He copes without you when hes away for his "sports weeks", im sure he'll be fine.

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