Quite a few months ago I had a moment. It struck me entirely unexpectedly, as such moments no doubt tend to. There was just the flavour of panic about it too. Certainly not a crushing sensation, but a hint of unpleasantness nonetheless.
I think I was at home somewhere and it suddenly occurred to me that I was not only 34 I was fast approaching 35 (October) but also childless.
It isn’t that I feared not having children at all - although I do find it a little presumptuous how some people say "When I have children..."? What flashed before me in capital letters was the prospect of being an older, or even and old dad. If I have a child in two years time, I’d be 50 when my son or daughter reaches their fourteenth birthday. This is what seems to be bothering me the most!
I could see on the net that Men leaving it late to have babies isn't a topic that is often spoken about. A woman’s ticking clock on the other hand is almost cemented into the lexicon. In the last 10 years I've been in 3 different relationships. All long term. First one ended when I was 27, she walked out on me, second ended when I was 30 and looking forward to getting married and having kids, but she cheated on me, my third I'm still in but I haven't been happy for some time.
Now I'm in my mid-thirties (turned 34 in October 2016) and although I don’t have ovaries, I do have aspirations to be an active and energetic father. My dad was 31 when he had me, my mum was 32 and while it probably didn’t register with me at the time, it was brilliant to have a dad who could still play football with me, come, swimming, enjoy theme park rides and beat me in a arm wrestle. These were all things that helped forge bonds in our family. I even got to bowl at him in fathers and sons cricket matches.
However now, I find myself in a unhappy relationship, fighting a decision on whether or not to leave my partner which the decision balanced on a knife edge which is covered in anxiety about wanting children...
Now I love my other half, I care for her a lot. But I'm not in love with her and looking back in think it changed around two years ago. But I just wrote it off as coming out of the honeymoon stage and that it was a "normal thing".
So a bit of back ground: My other half is an only child and is very materialistic. She is never happy with what she's got, for example recently she want something like a new sound bar and new rugs, she'll tell me she'll then be happy. She gets what she wants (which I pay for) and is happy for a week to 2 weeks but it dosent last and then she wants something else. However if I say no, I get the mother of all paddies and a chance to feel like I'm waking on eggshells.
She often compares our relationship and what we have to everyone else's and tells me! Unfortunately over time this has left me questioning does she appreciate me and our relationship.
It all seemed to change when we moved in to our house. The day we moved in we got engaged. Before moving we agreed a 5 year plan. Marriage kids etc. However 3-6 months later that changed. She wanted to get married within a year and have children soon after. We had debt on credit cards nearing £8,000, so I suggested that we should consolidate our debt, pay that off first whilst also saving to get married. Obviously she didn't agree. She pushed and pushed, emotionally black mailing me, gaving me an ultimatums such as "if you won't marry me before I'm 30 or I'll go find someone who will". I had given her so much yet she was so ungrateful. Eventually the pressure placed on me cause a nervous break down.
I'm conscious I don't want to make this post too long so I'm cutting it short as best I can and will answer questions asked by people.
So what do I do? What would you do? Is there anyone out there that understand where I'm coming from?
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What would you do?
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WhatAdifferenceAdaveMakes · 14/03/2017 10:48
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