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OH GOD! Contacted OW!

(126 Posts)
BitterHarvest Tue 14-Mar-17 08:21:23

OH God! It seemed like a good idea after a lonely glass of wine last night. Now I'm regretting this.

My OH had a sex texting thing from some woman on the internet 4 years ago. I found out we worked through it. But I am not ashamed to say I have made him work for forgiveness and I'm not entirely sure I trust him now.

He recently changed his phone to a new network etc and gave me his old one. I just kept it as was and kept his number.

Got a text yesterday at Lunchtime.

"Hey sexty! Haven't heard from you an a looooooooong while. What you at 2day?"

I have had this phone since Christmas and this is the first message I have got. At the time I found out about her I found out she has. Boyfriend where he works and who her family are (open Facebook profile)

So last night in reply I sent a message saying Who I was and that I'd forwarded her message screen shot to her Boyfriend and her family..........I didn't, but I wanted to make her shake the way I did when inreceived her message.

Now I feel shit. I always felt I maintained a high ground when I wasn't even acknowledging her and in truth I'd forgotten about her. Do I need to tell OH what I did? I do don't I? 😒

Feel a bit crap today for doing that.

123MothergotafleA Tue 14-Mar-17 08:25:04

Alls fair in love and war!!
Just forget about it, it's no biggie!

Boredbeforeievenbegan Tue 14-Mar-17 08:27:42

I don't blame you, she deserves to be on the receiving end of that gut wrenching feeling, but yeah, better tell your oh.

WellErrr Tue 14-Mar-17 08:29:16

I wouldn't believe she's waited 4 years to text him.

PollytheDolly Tue 14-Mar-17 08:29:21

No, don't tell him.

She shouldn't have texted, should she.

RockyBird Tue 14-Mar-17 08:31:29

It's done now, don't panic. You maybe regret sending it but you're not the one in the wrong.

All the best to you.

Imaginesthat Tue 14-Mar-17 08:35:04

Hmm I don't think that's the first message in four years maybe a few months

Meowstro Tue 14-Mar-17 08:35:16

So she's text him after 4 years without contact? hmm

Don't worry about your text, she's in the wrong. Why do you need to tell your OH?

HecateAntaia Tue 14-Mar-17 08:35:29

i wouldnt say anything to him.

id wait and watch and see whether he came into the information. whether they were still in contact.

a message after 4 years is strange.

thats not just a long while. nor even a loooooong while.

that suggests contact has been made more recently than 4 years to me.

i realise many will disagree but i would wait on this one and see whether his behaviour changes.

it may be that he cut off contact 4 yrs ago and has had and will have nothing more to do with her but i wouldnt give him a heads up or time and space to lie.

Oscha Tue 14-Mar-17 08:35:44

Do you believe she hasn't texted him in the four years between you finding out and you getting the phone?

Littleballerina Tue 14-Mar-17 08:38:19

It's not been 4 years op.
I'd tell him that he had a text.

KarmaNoMore Tue 14-Mar-17 08:39:02

I think the fact that he handed the phone to his wife to use as her phone is a clear indication that there was no more contact.

MadMags Tue 14-Mar-17 08:39:53

Well there's no way it's been four years is there?

I think that should be your priority, tbh.

DisgruntledGoat Tue 14-Mar-17 08:53:52

She probably deserves some bad karma. Don't be too hard on yourself though, we all do silly things once in a while. It might give her a bit of a wake up call about her behaviour. Why would she suddenly start texting though after four years? Seems odd tbh

CookieLady Tue 14-Mar-17 08:56:57

No way has she contacted him after four years. Don't say anything to him. Just watch and wait.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Tue 14-Mar-17 08:57:09

Let's be real here, he never cut contact with her. The chances of her texting after 4 years of nothing, just a couple of months after you have his phone are slim to absolutely none.

gamerchick Tue 14-Mar-17 09:01:01

Meh she text first you didn't seek her out from what you've said.

I wouldn't say anything to anyone. Let her stew.

Thinkingblonde Tue 14-Mar-17 09:03:10

Why is her number still on his phone? Why didn't he delete it four years ago? These are the questions I'd be asking him.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Tue 14-Mar-17 09:03:16

She's done what I often do which is save his new number without deleting the old one. Sheer laziness. But it does mean I sometimes text the wrong one.

I highly doubt that's the first contact in FOUR YEARS.

roundandround4x4 Tue 14-Mar-17 09:03:17

Don't be hard on yourself. It' just a normal reaction, hopefully she is experiencing that gut wrenching feeling for getting in touch. I would also disagree with the posters who say it hasn't been four years. He wouldn't have given you his phone and not tell her if they were still in touch.

shovetheholly Tue 14-Mar-17 09:03:34

I don't think it sounds like they haven't had contact for 4 years either. sad So sorry you're going through this, it's awful living with suspicion.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Tue 14-Mar-17 09:03:54

Was it definitely the same woman? Did you keep her number on your phone?

pho3be Tue 14-Mar-17 09:04:08

No don't tell him, wait & see if he finds out. 💪

Finola1step Tue 14-Mar-17 09:07:05

I think your panic about replying has muddied the waters here. The key question really is "Do you believe that it is 4 years since their last contact?" If yes, forget all about it. Block her number and carry on as you were.

If no, then you have a much bigger issue on your hands.

hmcAsWas Tue 14-Mar-17 09:07:38

I sometimes get messages via messenger (can by 18 months apart or more) from an ex-fiancée from 22 years ago and I either reply politely and neutrally or not at all (sheesh, what can I say - he clearly never got over me wink ) ......my point being that whilst it is unlikely that she has sent a text to your dh out of the blue after four years of no contact, it isn't impossible

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