I was emotionally and at times physically abused as a child and as a result of this I have never really been able to develop my own identity or personality, and even now, at age 40, I don't feel like I really know what type of person I am, or much about myself.
As a child my dad in particular was very controlling and angry. I was told off if I was or looked miserable, I was told off if I was too happy, I was told off if I enjoyed myself or was too friendly with someone, or not friendly enough with them. I wasn't allowed friends, so don't have a group of life long friends whom I've grown up with. I was told constantly that I was awful, evil, nasty, miserable, and various other things.
As a result I have grown up as a people pleaser, and with poor boundaries. My boundaries are a bit better now and I think I am less of a people pleaser, but it plays on my mind more and more that I just don't have a sense of 'self' or a strong sense of who I am. I feel as though my mind is a huge crowded jumble of different thoughts and personalities, I guess because I grew up having to second guess what moods my parents would be in all the time and fitting in accordingly?
I am so envious of people who have a strong sense of who they are. I was wondering if anyone else can identify with how I feel and if anyone has any advice about developing my 'self' and about improving boundaries,
I have been N/C with my parents now for about 5 years, and this has helped but I still feel the classic FOG a lot, especially the guilt part if I do anything my parents wouldn't approve of (which really, is a lot of things as they never approved of anything I did!). I have also had counselling which again helped a bit but I still feel very damaged from my childhood.
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If you were emotionally abused in childhood have you found it hard to develop your own personality?
28 replies
Clapwhenyourehappy · 13/03/2017 11:29
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