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Stuck in a dating cycle

(6 Posts)
queenofawkward Sun 12-Mar-17 22:55:29

So I've been internet dating for a few months now and seem to be stuck in a cycle I can't get out of.

First I chat to the man. He seems nice, articulate, similar interests etc.

Second, we agree to meet (like to do this quite quickly as no point in wasting anyone's time)

Finally, I meet them and they are very bland/perfectly nice/I'm just not feeling it/no chemistry

Then they ALWAYS message to say they had a great time and when do I want to meet again.

Can anyone help me get out of this cycle?! What golden rules of internet dating am I missing?

ocelot7 Sun 12-Mar-17 23:01:20

Its just the way it is - no golden rules - you need to keep dating till you meet someone you do want a second date with. This might include reassessing what you are looking for/ who to bother meeting.
Personally, I feel chemistry on first meeting is overrated & not indicative of a likely relationship. It takes time to get to know someone - its possible you could have had a second date with someone you dismissed.

Kikikaakaa Sun 12-Mar-17 23:04:23

You just need to keep meeting people until there is a mutual spark.
Unfortunately this is no exact science, you are doing all the right things.
Also agree about chemistry - unless they make me want to vomit or run away I might give them another date to be sure. You could be ruling them out quite fast? I wasn't sure about my Bf after our first date, so I gave him a second to make my mind up

ComtesseDeSpair Sun 12-Mar-17 23:26:54

I'd say you're doing everything right - that they invariably want a second date means you're clearly picking decent men, men who you have stuff in common with, representing yourself well on your profile and in messages and are good fun and coming across well on dates.

Chemistry is a weird animal and isn't at all connected to how many interests you share or enjoying a conversation or having the same sense of humour. I suppose the only advice I'd offer is to possibly be more selective in who you choose to message further / go on dates with. Are you choosing to meet up with any man who seems nice / funny / interesting rather than only those who you think are really attractive or have something that gets you going? Could explain why you don't feel a spark if so. Otherwise, as others have said, it's just a numbers game and sometimes it takes a second date for the chemistry to evolve, so don't write off a second date just because there was no instant lightening strike.

Bant Mon 13-Mar-17 10:17:26

Also, never trust the best photos, trust the worst ones. Google stalk them a bit and see if you can find other pictures online to get a better feel for how they look.

Photos are not the real thing, of course, but they may cause less cognitive dissonance when meeting them

QuarterMileAtATime Mon 13-Mar-17 10:56:16

I am no expert (I was on OKCupid for about 2 weeks, met someone I liked and didn't feel I wanted to try again when that ended), but I agree that you should try going on some second dates with men that are nice and tick most of your boxes to see if chemistry develops.

The only thing missing from my first date with the aforementioned man was that elusive spark, but when he kissed me at the end of the second date, the chemistry revealed itself!

I have been spending some time working out what it is I want so that nobody gets messed about; I think I am ready.

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