Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
I need to get over my fear(9 Posts)
of being naked around DP.
He has gone out, but hinted that he wants us to have a shower together when he gets home. I don't know how I can bring myself to be standing in front of him, lights on and nothing to cover or flatter my horrible body.
We've been together for around a year and of course he has seen me naked in that time- we sleep naked and our sex life is healthy despite how self conscious I am.
I'm 5ft2 and about 4 stone overweight, a size 16. I could probably live with that if it wasnt for the fact I have a really flabby tummy, massive "mothers apron" that hangs down and I'm covered in stretchmarks. I'm really self conscious about that part of me- when I get dressed I sit on the edge of the bed and keep the bed covers over me and shove pyjama bottoms on to cover the bottom part of my stomach before I stand up or wait till DP is in the loo before I get out of bed. I'm ok if lying down as it's not obvious but the thought of being in the shower, lights on and just standing there is horrible yet I don't want to turn him down. I can't go through my relationship covering myself up but even when I'm slim the stretchmarks and overhang will still be present.
I love DP, I want to be able to lose all my inhibitions with him and be confident- he has never given me reason not to be. How do I teach myself to believe that he loves me the way I am and just to go with it?
I don't want my issues to get in the way of us having fun together, it's not healthy.
I want to enjoy things like this and just let go, not endure it with gritted teeth because I kook disgusting.
Presumably he's seen you before? I understand a little how you feel, my body confidence with DP was much higher pre-dcs than after with the stretch marks etc.
I once read something by a guy that said men really don't notice all your cellulite etc until you keep on pointing it out to them.
Honestly, when my DP is really turned on, I find he could care less about the bits I get frantic about. He doesn't really care full stop.
I'm sure your DP finds you attractive and is not concentrating on your stretch marks or your size. He is obviously turned on by you. I think you ought to stop worrying about it and just accept he's not looking at you in that critical way we tend to look at ourselves. I think men find lack of confidence more of a turn off actually.
Sorry want to say more but tired and should be writing an essay. HTH a little? Hopefully someone wiser will be along soon.
I'm really sorry you feel that way, OP. No useful advice but placemarking to see if anyone wiser does. I hate my body too. Think it's disgusting. It's one of the things that's kept me single for a long time. Lots of empathy from me
I felt just like you but showers together actually improved my confidence with my DH (then BF), you're both too preoccupied with touching each other and focussing on the good bits. I also agree with Sew, he obviously loves your body anyway!
Try it a couple of times, kiss and touch each other and try to enjoy it. It's really important to build your confidence for a healthy sex life with your DP.
Even in my skinny days I hated showering with my bf's, the loo and the shower were me spaces not our spaces. However, in response to your question about accepting yourself, fix the things you can and learn to live with the bits you can't. Given your behaviour around your bf I'm not buying you'd be ok with your body if he wasn't around, it sounds like when he's not around, you can avoid thinking about it.
I'm not really happy with the way I look but relationships have helped me accept that not everybody sees what I see. You are more than your mum tum and stretch marks and your bf wouldn't request to see more of your naked body if he didn't want to. By always covering up, you're not protecting him from your body but preventing him from enjoying it.
Can't be easy if you feel that way however, from DP's perspective it sounds like he loves you, warts & all if he's the one suggesting it. It can be hard trusting people, when you're complemented about something, you see as a flaw.
Have lots & lots of fun
My beautiful wife is similar, she's been all sizes from a 10 to a 16 and back again. We've had 4 kids so has the stretch marks and the belly. She absolutely hates her baby belly but it doesn't bother me in the slightest, she's beautiful whatever size or shape she is as I'm sure you are to him.
Enjoy the moments for what they are and don't let your self consciousness get in the way, trust me, it doesn't matter
Showering together may really help OP.
I don't think the people who love us look and see the bits we hate about ourselves. They all have their own body hangups they're ignoring.
He knows every curve OP and he doesn't care the way you do.
Thanks all... We ended up falling asleep on the couch last night and I can't say I'm not relieved.
He has a particular body hang-up himself but it's on show all the time and it's dawned on me how self conscious he seems of it yet I barely notice. Slightly different as he is used to it being on show to everyone all the time, it's not something he can cover up or something that can ever change like I can with my body by wearing clothes and losing weight but I don't find him any less attractive because of it, I love that part of him just as much as I love the rest.
I'm still hoping he doesn't suggest a shower again any time soon, but I'll try and be less hasty to cover up all the time when we're alone. I supoose the more you do it the easier it gets?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.