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Should I be worried

(15 Posts)
feelinglikeablueturtle Sun 12-Mar-17 17:36:06

My DH and I have been married 2 and a half years and have 3 DC. The youngest is 8 months old. Getting pregnant was hard and the pregnancy was even harder. Needles to say sex had become a quick thing once a week. Not for lack of wanting but more because of life/kids/work. That's the background done.

DH works as a doorman at a pub in another town. It's about and hours drive but if he's taking others with him it can be up to two hours before he gets home. He is the kind that will drop people at their front door. He used to get home around 3am most weekends but the past few weeks it's been closer to 5am.

He has also started talking about a regular at the pub. She's about 10 years younger the. DH but she has apparently take a shine to him. She's there every Friday and Saturday night now. She has openly admitted she finds him attractive and is now deliberately walking past to talk to him on her way home from work before returning with her friend for drinks. She's taken to sitting near the door and talking to him most of the night when it's quiet.

DH has started talking about her a lot more recently and I'm worried. I know our sex life is suffering at the moment but it's not for lack of wanting. Do I really have a reason to be worried or am I just overthinking things?

Chops2016 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:40:15

Possibly overthinking.. If there was something going on surely he would not mention her?

Does she know he is not single?

StrayHairOnMyScreen Sun 12-Mar-17 17:43:55


The time to really start worrying is when he stops talking about her altogether.

MommaGee Sun 12-Mar-17 17:43:56

I think only you know your DH. Has he any history of infidelity? Does he seem interested or bemused? Does he wear a ring to work? Does he mention you and the kids?

If you feel you're losing a connection can you work on having more one 2 one time? Could someone babysit whilst you go to dinner etc?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 12-Mar-17 17:45:20

Perhaps, I'd probably have a discussion with him to air your concerns & take it from there. She may be interested in him but it's not a foregone conclusion that he's going to shag her.
I would definitely be requesting that he stopped giving lifts as his arrival home at 5am is fucking ridiculous.

LanaorAna1 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:47:37

Time to talk to him to put your mind at rest and gently remind him of boundaries.

Wellitwouldbenice Sun 12-Mar-17 17:54:16

Have you discussed with him e a fly what you have out I your post? What did he say?

feelinglikeablueturtle Sun 12-Mar-17 17:55:09

It's just strange that he's started talking about her and how flirty she is. She knows he's married and everyone at the pub know about us. It's a very "locals" pub and they have met us all. We went up to show off the baby so he's not hiding us away if that makes sense. I just don't understand why this girl has all of a sudden become noteworthy to him.

BubblingUp Sun 12-Mar-17 18:00:47

Seems like in his line of work there will be constant temptation and constant opportunity, so the question is, will he succumb to it? It's all on him. Even if he says no to this one, there will be the next one and the next one and the next one. It's not these women and it's not you and what you are or aren't doing in the marriage. It's ALL on him and what kind of person he is.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 12-Mar-17 18:03:34

It's a threat to get you wanting sex more. There is absolutely no need to mention this girl (several times).

loveyoutothemoon Sun 12-Mar-17 18:05:51

And getting home at 5 am, very suspicious. Have you asked him why he does this?

feelinglikeablueturtle Sun 12-Mar-17 18:18:54

He's been doing the job for 5 years and I know he's had woman flirt as we have laughed about it before. It's the way he talks about her. There's more pride then pity, like he's happy to have a 21 year old want him. She asked him to go clubbing last night. The only reason he said no was because he had to bring others home. Getting in at 5 am sucks but I always check his mileage (he's rubbish with maths and doesn't want to miss out) and given how far he's had to travel the timing fits.

Holly3434 Sun 12-Mar-17 18:26:12

I doubt he'll do anything, he's probably more proud of himself that he's getting attention. I'd let him talk about her just incase he us up to something he might drop clues to whats happening.

TheNaze73 Sun 12-Mar-17 19:00:34

He wants more sex, he's trying to play you off, to step up. Oldest trick in the book

Puddington Sun 12-Mar-17 19:01:17

The only reason he said no was because he had to bring others home

This has really jumped out at me! Does he really mean that or was it just bravado?

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