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Could this actually NOT be red flags?

(34 Posts)
drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 17:08:23

Hello everyone!
Haven't been on here for ages!
I've been online dating unsuccessfully for 8 months. Have met a couple of guys who I immediately knew weren't right.
Anyways, was going to knock it all on the head when me & this guy started chatting. Met up without many texts (find by me) drank A LOT & had a great night (FUN) - felt a connection & he said he wanted to take me for dinner the following week.
He took me to the most expensive restaurant I've ever been to & proceeded to tell me he doesn't want to date anyone else & that he really really likes me. Then I saw him on Friday & he bought me a massive bunch of flowers, bottle of wine & told me he wants to see where 'this goes' and told me I'm beautiful, strong & awesome.
I should say at this stage I have been in many an EA relationship, have been cheated on and have always been the one to do the chasing.
I have never been spoken to this way so early on & am torn between enjoying the attention & being a bit hmm
Is it weird to have someone be so vocal & complimentary so early in (3 dates!?)
What would you think?
I've learned lots from my awful previous relationships & am very much not rushing into anything & taking a back seat here...
But it's kinda intriguing behaviour...

OrangeStar Sun 12-Mar-17 17:14:01

What do you know about his past relationships esp why they finished?

Patriciathestripper1 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:16:13

Run, run for the hills, something's not right not that I'm cynical

Scrubba Sun 12-Mar-17 17:20:38

Take him at his word until he gives concern? Be wary of him but enjoy? If you don't want to get serious, don't let it get too heavy.

drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 17:23:36

Orangestar
He has a daughter & broke up with his ex many years ago. He seems his daughter lots (good sign!)

drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 17:24:41

Haven't really asked about exes yet - might do that next time & see what he says....

drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 17:26:23

He keeps saying he's O.L.D is because he wants a relationship & what do I want? I said depends who I meet... Wd have to take things very very slow with anyone. I have a child.

category12 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:34:21

"2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship."

Take from that what you will.

drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 17:37:25

Thanks catagory12
Hmmmmmmmmm is all I'm saying.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:38:34

Maybe a player. .
Or maybe Mr Fantastic.
I have had both...

Mysteriouscurle Sun 12-Mar-17 17:41:23

If you want to continue seeing him why dont you insist on taking it at a slow pace while looking at whether he respects that or tries to rush you.

lougle Sun 12-Mar-17 17:42:58

I think it depends. If you say 'it's great that you're keen, but I need to take things really slowly, so I'll understand if you want to walk away now...' and he says 'oh my goodness, what an idiot, of course, let's take things slowly, there's really no rush', all good. If he says 'how on earth could you turn down such an amazing offer from such a wonderful man, look out before you lose your one and only opportunity for love....', run!

drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 17:47:06

Lougle
If he says 'how on earth could you turn down such an amazing offer from such a wonderful man, look out before you lose your one and only opportunity for love....', run!
No, I'd bloody SPRINT!

feelinglikeablueturtle Sun 12-Mar-17 17:49:41

He sounds like my ex. He was like that and we were engaged within a year. As we were saving money for the wedding he was withdrawing it as spending it on his latest "true love". Be careful he is not just someone who enjoys

Toobloodytired Sun 12-Mar-17 17:49:54

Things will go as fast or as slow as you choose it to.

I rushed things with my ex (so did he), I have decided the next guy I "get to know" I won't be making any type of long term commitments for a minimum of a year to ensure I know if I want to be tied to this guy.

The only person who can rush a relationship is you, if he tried to run before he started to walk, then you just pull it back. No need to feel pressured.

However the thing a pp put about "the loser" sounds bang on about my ex!

feelinglikeablueturtle Sun 12-Mar-17 17:51:08

Sorry baby grabbed phone blush as I was saying. Make sure he's not someone who just enjoys the "The romantic nature" of starting a relationship and not the relationship itself.

BubblingUp Sun 12-Mar-17 17:54:02

He doesn't even know you.

LivelyLima Sun 12-Mar-17 17:59:23

Play it (very) slowly OP. Don't be blinded or destabilised by flattery or spending. Be wary of "future faking". Remember actions speak louder than words. Be patient and play the long game smile!

Comeonmommy Sun 12-Mar-17 18:00:16

I met my fiancé online and we both knew from the first date that we loved each other and this was 'it'. We've been together 7 years, each have 9 yr old daughters who are now best friends. I understand it's scary - we had both just got divorced so always had to keep our daughters in mind as neither of us wanted to get involved, it not work and our daughters get hurt in the process. I will always say go for it but (as my Nan used to say) keep your sensible shoes on!!! Good luck x

LivelyLima Sun 12-Mar-17 18:01:16

To clarify, the long game being your physical, spiritual and mental health!

Alpies Sun 12-Mar-17 18:07:38

You know, it could just be a case of him wanting or be ready to settle down again and he sees u as someone he could do that with.

However it's hard to tell. What does he do for a job? Is he good looking? Do u know any of his history? What he wants in life?

What do u know about him? What do u like abt him?

I would say enjoy yourself. Be honest with each other. And look and listen. Take care x

Kikikaakaa Sun 12-Mar-17 18:12:41

I'm not sure from your post whether he is generally really OTT over keen or just really sure he likes you and wants you to know: only time will tell.

My BF who I met online was 'all in' pretty soon, I am the more cautious one because I have been hurt a lot more than him. He felt it was amazing and I felt it was scary. I was honest with him about that though, that I needed to go slow, and he was totally understanding. I didn't divulge all the why's and wherefores of why I felt that way, he just respected it. I did find it very overwhelming at first but a year later he's still exactly as lovely, complimentary and into me it seems. I'm just not used to it. It doesn't have to be a red flag, if you can slow it down to a pace you feel comfortable with and the other person takes it well and doesn't push you.

I will say about men like my BF, it's clear from day 1 he never wanted to just date, he wanted a girlfriend. He didn't want multiple dates with other women and i didn't want to date multiple men. I explained that you had to date to see if it was going to work out and we laughed it off, I think at some point in your life you do think oh god I do want to just settle down but not SETTLE.
Fun is good too, keep it fun and light. Go at the pace you feel happy with.

JoJoSM2 Sun 12-Mar-17 18:25:55

It does come across pretty keen but I'd wait and see how things develop. Telling someone that you want to see how things go and they they are beautiful and awesome could just be sign on someone being pretty open and direct and massively into you, not necessarily a psycho. I'd be worried if he starts saying 'I love you' very soon or spams you all day long.

drowningindaffodils Sun 12-Mar-17 18:52:32

Thanks everyone
Alpies, he is self-employed & seems to have good friends & be quite happy with his life. He says he has a good Relationship with his ex (they have a child) & has shown me photos of friends & his daughter.
He is a few years younger than me & we have a similar dry & slightly deranged sense of humour.
I am at a comfortable place in my life & won't take any crap. I'm also good at over-analysing which I don't think is a bad thing when I've been hurt as much as I have.

iremembericod Sun 12-Mar-17 22:02:31

I don't see any red flags in what you've said

Is he demanding of your time? Texting constantly?

There are genuine men who will know when they like someone, he could be one, it's hard to say right now.

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