Girlfriend won't marry me or double-barrel our son's name.

[drmarcus]

Our son is due next month. We are not married. I'd really like my surname to be included too but she won't have that. I would also like to marry her and offered to take her name but she doesn't want to marry? I'm beginning to wonder if she has other motives :( does this behaviour sound odd to you at all?

[AtSea1979]

What did you agree prior to her getting pregnant?

[ImperialBlether]

How well do you get on? Do you live together?

[DearMrDilkington]

How old are you both and how long have you been together?

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Make sure you get your name on the birth certificate. .
Other than that not much you can do.

[theaveragewife]

Nope, sounds good to me!

[AtSea1979]

If you want the same name as you child it sounds like your only option is to change it via deed poll.

[bloodymaria]

What other motives? It all sounds reasonable to me.

[Underbeneathsies]

Maybe she really doesn't want to get married?

Maybe she likes her own name?

None of these desires are unusual or odd.

Whatever the reasons she has, you need to listen to them and respect them.

You sound a bit mystified and rather suspicious of her TBH. I think you need a mediator to help you and her communicate so you can both find a workable solution which suits you both.

Ring a family mediation service as soon as possible.

[SummerHouse]

She is being totally unreasonable. The name is a joint decision. I speak as someone who has two boys with dads surname.

[drmarcus]

I'm 25 and she is 24. I don't know it just didn't seem reasonable. She doesn't want my surname included at all and won't marry? We kind of live together. I'm still at medical school and she has finished uni so I do live with her but a couple of nights I don't because of certain things I have to do for my training.

[sophr2017]

I can see both sides with this so don't think it's that odd. I'm quite surprised she isn't compromising at all with you though as it obviously means a lot to you; but unfortunately nothing you can do unless you change your name as suggested?

[SummerHouse]

She is not unreasonable for not wanting to marry. Just for not seeing the name as a joint decision.

[drmarcus]

@Underbeneathsies yeah I guess she does like her name? But that's fine but that's why I said it would be nice to agree to double-barrel.

[FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers]

If you are willing to take her name then do as pp have suggested and change yours by deed poll. It's quick and easy and cheap to do.

[KickAssAngel]

From the limited info you've given, it just sounds like you want to move the relationship quicker than she does.

What other motives do YOU think she has, as you suspect them? Other people here are clearly missing them, so either a) you just find it hard to accept her decision about marriage and name OR b) there are other factors which you haven't included but which are relevant.

[OhTheRoses]

You haven't got one of those awful names have you? Won't put one because I don't want to offend!

[KickAssAngel]

btw, changing your name when she's said no to marriage etc would be very, very creepy and stalkerish. Please don't.

[drmarcus]

@KickAssAngel no it's not about moving it forward but we are having a child and I would like my surname included. The reason I don't want to change by deed poll is because she isn't willing to compromise at all about our child's name.

[stitchglitched]

Why does she have to have an ulterior motive, beyond just wanting to share her name with her child? It is sensible for mothers to give their children their surnames. In fact it should be automatic, or at least so commonplace that it doesn't arouse suspicion.

[Toobloodytired]

Not sure what her motives are to be fair.

I find it very odd....my ex wanted our sons surname to be his but wouldn't marry me so we all had the same last name & when I said fine il change my last name legally to his, he told me it was very weird to have someone's last name you weren't married to

I still to this day do not know his reasoning behind it!

[drmarcus]

@OhTheRoses no, haha I know she gets final say and I fully respect that of course I do but I just wondered if there was other motives if she doesn't even want to include my surname at all. Like she isn't hoping to stay in the relationship, etc.

[KickAssAngel]

So what are your suspicions? You're not giving enough info for us to have any insight.

On what you've said it just sounds like she's not ready. You can't push someone to do things you want just because you want them. If you're in a happy, settled relationship and you'll be on the birth cert it's her that is becoming more vulnerable right now, so it seems really unlikely that she has some nefarious plot.

[drmarcus]

@stitchglitched why would a double-barrel name that includes hers cause suspicion?

[QueSera]

Could you put your surname as a middle name? Thats what we've done.

[Emboo19]

I don't think it's unreasonable. I don't want to marry, and I didn't like the idea of a double barrelled surname, so my daughter has my name.
I did offer to use my boyfriends surname as a middle name, could this be a option for you?
As someone else said, your name being on the birth certificate is the most important thing.
I think you can change your name by deed poll to anything you want, so you could look into just changing it to the same as your child's if it really bothered you.