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Really struggling to be happy for my friend

(2 Posts)
nonewnamesagain Sun 12-Mar-17 12:06:09

Aware this is going to sound really selfish so please don't judge too harshly

Cut a long story short, my friend has just met the love of her life. A few weeks have gone by and she's absolutely smitten. They met in a really 'romantic' way on the street and it's basically perfect.

I really want to be happy for her and I've put a brave face on and made all the right noises etc. However in private hearing about it is really sending me into a spiral. I've been struggling for about a year with leaving an EA relationship and an array of bad encounters including a one night stand who basically threw me out of his house next morning and didn't ask for my number.

I'm just feeling like it will never happen for me, and that I can't stand to hear more about this relationship. I already had to deal with my sisters wedding last autumn and it nearly sent me into a breakdown. I love them both dearly but I'm really struggling.

How can I stop feeling like this sad I don't wish either of them anything bad.

rogueantimatter Sun 12-Mar-17 12:55:56

You could practice doing a Buddhist meditation called the Metta Bhavna. Its aim is to train your mind to have as its default setting a feeling of goodwill to all.

There are four steps;

think about a good friend - perhaps don't pick your loved up friend for the moment - notice how it makes you feel. Assuming it makes you feel pleasant, enjoy the feeling. Try to cultivate a feeling of well-wishing towards your friend

think about yourself - notice how that makes you feel - consciously try to cultivate a feeling of wishing yourself well and happy.

Repeat for someone you don't know well enough to either like or dislike.

Then pick someone you have difficulty with - not a lifelong enemy preferably to start with - maybe someone who has an irritating habit or something like that.

To finish, imagine all four of you together - I imagine us standing holding hands in a circle all smiling and working together at wishing the world well. As hand-holding is not my style and the combination of people in my 'circle' is usually a very unlikely one this makes me laugh.

At least you acknowledge that you're jealous. That's a good start. Try not to be hard on yourself. We feel what we feel. Take a step back from putting yourself at the centre of your feelings towards your friend and try to make the observation that it's nice when two people are happy.

You could also try to dwell on the positive things in your life and enjoy those.

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