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Feeling so low

(14 Posts)
patheticrant Sun 12-Mar-17 11:40:05

I don't know how to get myself out of my low mood, finding it so hard to cope. I am not suicidal but feel really low.

I am 7 months into the separation from my dh, nothing was clear cut about it, circumstances, he had an emotional affair, might even be with her now, I don't know. I still love him and he still cares for me, and if I am honest with myself still have hope, I think of him every day and miss him so very much. I don't even know whether I would want to get back together. I just can't shake him off. I am partly blaming myself for why he left. We have been together 11 years, 6 married. We are separated but not divorced. No plans for this yet.

I feel so desparately lonely. I am ok during the week, I love my job and am good at it and I have lovely colleagues. Weekends are hell. I hate them and really start to dread them. I wake up with a knot in my stomach on Saturday morning and it doesn't leave me till Sunday night. I have no family in this country at all and only a couple of really good friends. They all have family though and disappear during the weekends and holidays. I tried to contact old friends but none are getting back to me, guess they were his friends first. I tried meetup. There isn't much to start with (I live in a city but it's provincial) or stuff gets cancelled or there are only 8 places. Most activity type stuff happenes during the week. So I stay at home, sort the house, watch telly and cry. I cry a lot. I still well up randomly during the week about 3-4 times, mostly at weekends. I would love to just be able to pop over to my parents for lunch.

I am 35, I always wanted a family and now I am further from this than ever. I caught myself thinking 'if only I had children to look after'. It makes me feel bad as I know how horrific a breakup is if children are involved. But at least I would have someone to look after, someone who needs me. I find it hard to get motivated just for myself.

I am not a UK national. I am shit scared about the whole Brexit thing. I don't feel part of anything anymore and it's hard as I don't know anyone in my situation. It's hard for others to understand my fears. At work I am ok, people ask me how I am getting on and I say ok. They probably think 'It's been 7 months, surely she's ok'. BUT I AM NOT OK. I wish someone would recognise that and just put an arm around me. I have booked some counselling but to be honest I am not sure how it can help.

I have never been so lonely in my entire life and I feel pathetic for not being able to drag myself out of it. I feel I've lost who I am. And I am scared that noone will ever want me or sees any value in me.

I just needed to get this off my chest. No need to reply.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Sun 12-Mar-17 11:46:31

Seven months is nothing. Honestly. There is no time line with healing. Don't make yourself feel worse than you already do. Might it be better to go no contact with him for a while? If you're talking regularly, you will still be holding on to feelings of hope and that's not fair on you. And you still have plenty of time to have children.

BlondeBecky1983 Sun 12-Mar-17 11:47:37

After an 11 year relationship, 7 months is very little time to try and move forward. Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and talk to decide what exactly is happening so you are not in limbo anymore.


patheticrant Sun 12-Mar-17 11:54:19

Thank you, Jingle and Blonde. Yes, we will need to sit down and talk. It won't be possible for a while though. The lonliness is crippling.

Hermonie2016 Sun 12-Mar-17 11:54:37

If you continue to feel low consider seeing the GP, it's still early days but maybe ADs could help.

Would you consider returning to family? I have separated and without family I'm not sure how I would get through.Friends are great but you do feel as if you impose at times as they have busy lives.

35 is still young so don't give up, your life could change in just a few years.

Startoftheyear2017 Sun 12-Mar-17 11:56:42

Sending you flowers Patheticrant

patheticrant Sun 12-Mar-17 11:59:32

I have thought about moving back nearer to family but after 11 years it seems like a massive step. I have a very secure and successful career here, and finding work in my field in my home country would be tricky. So, yes, I would have family support but not much else.

whereisthesunshine Sun 12-Mar-17 15:40:06

It's so hard, isn't it? I am in similar situation but with fewer of you extra stress factors. Keep hanging in there sad flowers

Trustyourself2 Sun 12-Mar-17 16:27:52

How you're feeling is so similar to how I was feeling last year. 7 months after your break up is still very early days.

It is hard to adjust to being on your own at the weekends, I still struggle with that myself. You're right to see a counsellor, even if you can't imagine how this will help, it really does, as just being able to talk to someone who is there to listen to you alone, allows you to offload and put things into perspective.

Don't put pressure on yourself to be at a certain stage in your recovery by a certain time. Be kind to yourself and take things slowly.

dontblameme Sun 12-Mar-17 19:26:00

Hope you feel better soon. I'm newly-ish single and loneliness is creeping in. I'm lucky that I have a dog for company. I'm watching so much TV! Have you got something to look forward to - a holiday, night out or treat of some sort? flowers

whereisthesunshine Sun 12-Mar-17 20:43:06

Thank you. Yes, I am trying to have something to look forward to. Have a nice meal planned with some friends in a couple of weeks time, and will go to the cinema with a colleague to see Beauty and the Beast when it's out. I will be seeing my folks over Easter too, so that's nice.

I hear you on the TV watching. Thank god for Netflix grin.

whereisthesunshine Sun 12-Mar-17 20:44:10

Opps wrong thread...mixed it up with my own moany thread grin

patheticrant Sun 12-Mar-17 20:47:05

You are welcome, sunshine! Moan away.

Howlongtilldinner Sun 12-Mar-17 21:45:11

Have you thought about volunteering OP? Normally a nice bunch of people. A walking group too? That lonely feeling is dreadful, I feel for you. Seven months is very early so be kind to yourself.

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