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Going our separate ways, advice needed

(12 Posts)
Nottalotta Sun 12-Mar-17 08:24:38

It seems that the deed is finally done, we are splitting up. Married, joint mortgage, two children. Youngest a month old.

Cant afford house on my own. I don't know where to start really, some legal advice I suppose.

And any words of wisdom.on 2 under 2 as a single parent. Success stories too.

Secretlife0fbees Sun 12-Mar-17 08:43:52

Hi OP, hope you're ok. What are the circumstance surrounding your separation? I only ask because if there was domestic abuse (not necessarily physical) then it might change the responses... I would initially get some legal advice... do you work?

Nottalotta Sun 12-Mar-17 09:15:35

Thanks, I think.most people would say he's abusive, though not physically. Together 15 yrs, married 4. Final straw for me was him punching and kicking the wall when I was a foot or two away holding a then three day old baby. He'd criticised how I'd been trying to put older (19months) child to bed. With a three day old baby to see to.

I work but on.maternity leave. He works self employed, not high earning. I'd get tax credits I think.if he weren't here.

Not sure he wouldleave though. And although he doesn't do much he is helping with babiesnow.

Mathena Sun 12-Mar-17 09:43:02

U poor thing. He is abusive. Frightening you like that 3 days after you have given birth.
what sbully

Hutch2017 Sun 12-Mar-17 17:12:42

Are you planning on living together and selling the house or is he in a position btouy you out? Definitely get some free legal advise. Unfortunately if you are forced to move out you will still have to pay half the mortgage.

This is the problem I'm currently facing. Getting my house valued tomorrow and looks like it will be going on the market but I can't afford rent and half the mortgage and no way will my dp move out!

Nottalotta Sun 12-Mar-17 19:39:39

Neither of us could buy the other out. Theres a slim.chance I could afford to stay on my own but it's unlikely I think and I couldn't pay him anything so again not likely. I won't move out though until it's sorted. I guess I'll have to rent somewhere.

He's a bit of a hoarder too so it's going to be tough to show the house off to its full potential. It's a lovely old house, but cluttered with his crap.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 12-Mar-17 19:44:11

How long maternity leave do you have left?

I left my ex in the family home and I rent with my two children. I work part time and claim benefits and manage well.

Let me know if you have any questions.

PolkadotPony Sun 12-Mar-17 19:45:44

My husband left when my dc were 38weeks in utero, 17 months, 4 and 6.

I had a well stocked freezer, meal planned, and made sure we got out for walks as much as possible. Always have calpol in the house, and you can freeze milk so you'll never run out on a Sunday night, home alone.

I asked a friend to pop in, and in exchange for their cup of tea I'd nip in the shower.

Home delivery food shopping.

More baby gros than mothercare so we didn't run out of clothes if I hadn't done washing that day. In some ways it was easier because the two little ones were so little, the shit hard time didn't take all that long.

Feel free to message if I can offer any more insight for you.

Nottalotta Sun 12-Mar-17 19:58:42

loveyou do you manage rent on your wages/income or do you claim.housing benefit? I do work in housing (so won't be approaching the council.......) so know that I'm.unlikey to be able to claim hb if I own a property.

I will have to return to work full time but planned to put in a reduced hours request, and change jobs if refused. It's likely to be refused.

Ds is only 4 weeks old so most of my maternity leave left. If I have a year, I go back Jan 2018, with a 36days annual leave to take before April 2018.

polka bedtimes are worrying me. Ds2 has reflux and when he's comfy he's a placid boy, but when he's in discomfort I can't put him down. I have to sit in with ds1 for 10-25 minutes for him to go to sleep quietly.

How did you manage the younger two at bedtime? Or indeed all of them?!

PolkadotPony Sun 12-Mar-17 20:05:45

I put the older ones to bed at the same time, they settled well.

Dc3 went to bed after that, she was ever such an easy baby, I didn't need to sit with her.

The baby just went to bed when she had finished feeding, in with me, I went to bed when she did.

Sometimes I'd be breastfeeding and tucking dc3 in at the same time, you learn to do many things at one time and with one hand.

Bath time. I bathed the boys together and then the girls together. Sometimes me and the baby would bath together, or she'd come in the bathroom in her bouncy chair whilst I had a quick shower.

Thinking back over it I'm not sure how I did it 😄

loveyoutothemoon Sun 12-Mar-17 20:08:26

Yes I claim housing benefit but still have to pay quite a bit. You don't get more housing benefit the more your rent is and it depends on the amount of bedrooms. And I claim working tax credit too. I used to get single person's council tax too until my wage started going over the limit.

Everyone's circumstances are different. Maybe make an appointment at the benefits office, they'll tell you your entitlements.

I'm not sure what you'd get whilst being on maternity leave, you obviously wouldn't get working tax credit yet but maybe something else? Sorry.

Sassypants82 Sun 12-Mar-17 20:47:55

A sling for your baby may help with bedtime? Good for the reflux too. Best of luck OP.

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