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What would you think of this? Is this a reasonable reaction to spouse refusing sex???

5 replies

ImBackOnHereAgain · 12/03/2017 08:19

This is about someone I know, someone I am very close to. A bit of background- this person has been married 40 years. Husband is often emotionally and verbally abusive (I have witnessed this and experienced same myself in life so I know this for a fact) and occasionally physically violent. I agree this is horrendous and so does this person, yet she has told me she is to scared to leave and often says she wouldn't find anyone else, or she will defend him saying it wasn't that bad. I found out that her husband often makes her feel bad that she isn't fulfilling his "needs" often enough. She i spost menopusal and yet husband wants her to make love to him everytime he wants it. If she is feeling unwell or is half asleep and refuses he will put her down, belittle her and goa dher until she gives in or will berate her and accuse her of not lovng him. He hasn't raped her but surely this isn't normal behaviour??? their children have grown up and moved home but they have been affected by woitnessing the abuse and their father used to abuse them too verbally, mentally and physically. I don't know what to think about regarding the sex thing. my gut is telling me it isn't normal???

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ImBackOnHereAgain · 12/03/2017 08:21

Just as a disclaimer, it sounds like I am a weird perv being so invested in their sex life but this is what i have been told and also witnessed once when i was staying with this couple on holiday. the reason i am invested is because my DF used to treat my DM this exact way (and yes he was abusive to us kids as well). So it close to home for me

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Bitofacow · 12/03/2017 08:21

It's rape.

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Chloe84 · 12/03/2017 08:29

It's not rape but it is sexual coersion. He is sexually abusive.

If she won't leave him there's not much you can do except be there for her. Does she know about Women's Aid?

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Jenniferb21 · 12/03/2017 08:32

No it's absue in every sense. But remember if she isn't consenting and he knows she isn't giving consent then it could be rape. It is very sad and life is too short to be with someone who makes you unhappy I feel very sorry for her and hope she seeks help.

A local citizens advice bureau would be an alternative source of free advice for her x

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ImBackOnHereAgain · 12/03/2017 09:30

I have tried to get her to seek help but like my DM she is resistant to it. To afraid, i think. i jut keep on being there for her as best as I can.