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How do I help my friend who just saw his step dad push his mum?

(16 Posts)
notsure110 Sun 12-Mar-17 07:40:59

Hi I'll start by saying I'm 17 and just found this site whilst looking for advice online.
About 3am this morning I had a call off a close friend telling me he had just had to step in after his step dad pushed his mum whilst she was holding his 4 day old baby sister, he had heard the baby crying and his mum screaming stop so went to see what was happening. I stayed on the phone a bit and things calmed down (step dad went to sleep in the spare room) so advised him not to hesitate in calling 999 if things escalated again and that I would be along with better advice in the morning. My friend hasn't slept a wink all night so I'm going to go and see him later but what advice should I give him for this situation, he's not sure how/if he can help his mum (he's pretty sure it isn't the first time he's harmed her) but doesn't want to sit back and do nothing either. Thanks

Graphista Sun 12-Mar-17 07:47:09

Tricky.

Let his mum know he's willing to be a witness if she decides to report? That she could report to police, contact women's aid to get help advice and support?

In fact thinking about it I'm sure if he called women's aid himself they'd be happy to advise him.

notsure110 Sun 12-Mar-17 08:05:20

Ok thanks for that, I found the women's aid website when I was googling things and sent him to have a look, will get him to call them later. He is also going to sit down and speak to his mum later on when his step dad is out the house, I think he is finally getting a bit of sleep now so I might be back later on,

DarklyDreamingDexter Sun 12-Mar-17 08:06:25

I think your advice was spot on in not hesitating to call 999 if things escalated. He probably needs to have a quiet word with his mum today when his step dad is out of the way and offer her support. There's an organisation called Women's Aid which can offer specific advice in these circumstances.

Proseccoisthenewlambrini Sun 12-Mar-17 08:06:37

Your poor friend sad
He is lucky to have you looking out for him though.
His mum is in a very abusive relationship, he pushed her whilst she was holding a tiny baby, this will already be having a negative impact on the baby's emotional wellbeing.

Sounds harsh but the best thing your friend could do is tell the police, his mum is obviously worn down by him and can't see a way out. Childrens social care will help her to see the light and protect your friend and the baby.

They need professional help.

DarklyDreamingDexter Sun 12-Mar-17 08:08:04

Crossed post! You've already found Womens Aid and suggested he speak to his mum later. You sound very sensible.

MrsBertBibby Sun 12-Mar-17 08:19:40

He should call the police himself, and straight away. Why wait for it to happen again?

He and his baby sister don't have to live with violence if his mother won't take action.

notsure110 Sun 12-Mar-17 10:12:10

Thanks for the advice, he has spoken to his mum and they are going to stay with family, he's not sure whether she is going to call the police but he is glad she wants to leave as she is financially dependent on his step dad so was worried that would stop her

notsure110 Sun 12-Mar-17 10:13:28

He reckons having the baby in her arms made her realise just how badly she needs to get out as.

highinthesky Sun 12-Mar-17 10:16:28

What a horrible situation.

You did the right thing but ultimately it's their family's business.

tribpot Sun 12-Mar-17 10:18:57

I suspect that in a couple of days, his mum will start to waver and think it wasn't so bad and that she wants to go back. This happens a lot with people who've been abused, they've been taught to believe they couldn't cope on their own.

It's very hard but your friend needs to be prepared to call the police. Whatever his mum decides to do, his baby sister needs to be protected. She isn't safe there.

I hope they get away okay today, will you let us know when they're safe with family?

Graphista Sun 12-Mar-17 10:28:32

Well done for supporting your friend. I hope they stay away but yes it's sadly common for victims to return to abusers. It's because they have basically been brainwashed by the abuser to think they can't cope without them.

You & your parents should be VERY proud of you

MrsBertBibby Sun 12-Mar-17 11:26:48

His next job is to get mum to a solicitor.

If she goes to the police, she should be able to get legal aid.

notsure110 Sun 12-Mar-17 12:14:25

I did mention to him about maybe ringing social services or something if she goes back to him? I wasn't sure if you can do that, or 101/women's aid for advice? I can't get hold of him at the minute but I'm guessing they are busy, I will update later.

notanurse2017 Sun 12-Mar-17 12:18:56

What a great friend you are. I phoned women's aid for advice when my daughter was in an abusive relationship, they were very helpful but it took over 50 attempts to get through to them.

Your friend's mum has to "own" the situation - her son can advise and support and help but she needs to take control.

Good luck to your friend and family.

MrsBertBibby Sun 12-Mar-17 12:19:17

Yes, he absolutely can talk to SS if she takes the baby back. And he should do. That baby is at considerable risk in that household.

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