Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Has anyone come on here for advice about their DP & left the relationship??

(88 Posts)
Toobloodytired Sun 12-Mar-17 01:57:43

Bit of a random one but am really intrigued to know if anyone has come on here asking for advice whether to leave their DP & actually gone through with it??

If so, how long ago & how has life been since??

Also, if anyone decided to stay how's it been??

MrsRhettButler Sun 12-Mar-17 02:02:46

Place marking, I'd love to know if Mumsnet has ever succeeded in getting someone to actually LTB.

Toobloodytired Sun 12-Mar-17 02:08:42

I am so very intrigued! It's something I've been reading on here to see if anyone has mentioned on other threads.

SchnitzelVonCrumb Sun 12-Mar-17 02:18:09

Going by previous relationship threads - yes people have.

Going by real life - my mother left my father she is the only woman I know to leave an abusive rationship.

My cousin is currently in a violent relationship with young children

my other cousin was in a very violent relationship it only ended when her partner commuted suicide

pincha Sun 12-Mar-17 02:19:17

I have seen thank you threads from people who posted originally then come back months/years later to say how much better life is and how much help MN was.

I don't think MN 'gets' anyone to leave though, i think they support people who already know they have to leave but need help/confidence/advice to be able to do so.

lucyjordon Sun 12-Mar-17 02:28:03

I LTB and it's the best thing I ever did where he was concerned! grin

MrsRhettButler Sun 12-Mar-17 03:17:20

As I pressed post I realised 'getting' was the wrong word to use blush

MrsRhettButler Sun 12-Mar-17 03:18:18

I did too lucy grin

ImaFrayedKnot Sun 12-Mar-17 03:23:36

I did. Life is much better. Ex is still emotionally abusive, but it's much easier to cope with from a distance, and inside my own safe space!

Shnorbitz Sun 12-Mar-17 03:58:55

I did although I hadn't posted about I. I read pretty much every thread on the relationships board over some years and eventually had my lightbulb moment. My only wish was that Mumsnet had been around 20 years ago when I knew I wasn't in the right relationship but didn't have a soundboard to ask questions. I've posted under a different user name for advice post breakup and not once have I regretted my decision.

FrenchLavender Sun 12-Mar-17 04:07:44

I see LOADS of people saying they have decided to LTB as a result of the advice they've been given on the thread.

I imagine some of them do.

I imagine some of them genuinely intend to but get talked around, calm down a bit and decide it's not that bad after all and they'll work through it, or they do leave temporarily but end up going back.

I imagine the majority of them never leave and never will. For many women being alone is so unthinkable and terrifying that they confuse that feeling with loving Mr Abusive so much that they'll cling on for grim death even though everything about the relationship is wrong.

I think many posters talk the talk on the thread because after having ten pages of MN telling you that your partner is an abusive arsehole, you don't want to look like the spineless doormat who only has yourself to blame if you don't deal with it. But starting threads about whatever heinous thing Mr Abusive has done this week is just a form of venting and they couldn't kick the bastard out if their life depended on it. (and it sometimes does.)

But they know that will go down like a lead balloon on here so they lie and pretend the thread has made the see the light. They talk the talk but they don't walk the walk, sadly.

Okfine Sun 12-Mar-17 06:32:51

I did but I already wanted to end it.

It really helped having people confirm the situation was awful and also holding my hand along the way and ensuring I didn't waver. He took it badly which they predicted too. I couldn't believe how it followed the script which they said would happen!

Secretlife0fbees Sun 12-Mar-17 06:36:14

I did. I can't say I wouldn't have anyway, but I can say that people on here definitely gave me the additional strength I needed to ring women's aid. WA gave me the strength to go to the next level and follow through. I am only just through this, he left a month ago and no I don't regret it for a second I'm just sorry it took me so long.

BoringUsername17 Sun 12-Mar-17 06:40:06

I did. It's taken me years though. I think I first posted in 2012 after he reduced me to tears for daring to challenge him for blowing £100+ on a meal with a friend when we were so skint we had to use tesco vouchers for our anniversary meal out.

I wish wish wish MN had been around 20 years ago. Looking back there were red flags from the start. Ridiculing my clothes, hitting things when he got angry.

fuckoffdailysnail Sun 12-Mar-17 06:49:51

I did, interestingly I didn't post about ex or realise anything was wrong with his controlling ways. I read a thread on here by another poster and could have written it myself! The responses literally shocked me rigid.
I got my ducks in a row and LTB

Imi22sleeping Sun 12-Mar-17 06:49:57

I came on here for advice about my husband who was suffering from a eating disorder and i was told ltb i actually couldnt beleive that i was being adviced to leave someone who was so ill. Someone said if he wont get help hes a nasty bastard etc. A day after i posted he was in tears about food again and the post gave me the strengh to lay down the law so we have now been to a eating disorder clinic and he has agrred to get the help he needs.
its no way the life i thought i woud lead at the moment. But we are both less angry and shouty and are supporting each other much better.

SillySongsWithLarry Sun 12-Mar-17 07:34:03

I LTB after the 'Right, so listen up everybody' thread. I'm more of a lurker but MN has been a huge source of strength through the last few years and no way would I do it all alone.

MalcolmFucker Sun 12-Mar-17 09:47:03

I did, (under another name) I was very unhappy but couldn't really articulate why. I knew I wanted to go but didn't feel like I had the right to.

I read a few threads on here and had a bit of a lightbulb moment.

I posted my own (short) thread, and left him 4 weeks later. I had already decided I wanted to go, but I needed to hear that I deserved to be happy and I wasn't crazy, it helped give me the confidence to stick to my guns and not be manipulated by his sudden remorse/crying.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Sun 12-Mar-17 09:48:00

Yes I can think of two in recent memory on here and they're both doing great now!

annandale Sun 12-Mar-17 09:51:40

I do remember a poster who started a thread saying 'I've LTB, what now' that left me a bit terrified for her, like she was literally living her life according to internet advice. I have to hope that it was just one moment in a whole process and that she didn't really operate like that. Or it was a troll.

burninglikefire Sun 12-Mar-17 10:10:51

Like fuckoffdailysnail I didn't post about my situation. It was reading about women in similar situations and the advice they received that made me realise things were not going to improve. This, in turn gave me the push to leave. A sad but good decision. smile

JK1773 Sun 12-Mar-17 12:38:33

I did! Posted for advice about my ex's behaviour as I wondered if I was being unreasonable. Got great advice which helped me make a decision. Turned out he'd put spyware on my laptop so he got to read everyone's opinion of him too! Never looked back

nonameinspiration Sun 12-Mar-17 12:41:57

Pretty much. Exh wrote a counter thread and was ripped to pieces. If anyone remembers he was banging on about his income in his op. It wasn't immediate but the marriage ended in under 6 months and it was a moment of clarity for me

Smellofpaint Sun 12-Mar-17 13:00:37

I did. And my exh wrote his own thread too which caused uproar and had to be deleted.

Left Sun 12-Mar-17 13:07:48

I started lurking on this board around a year after the end of a LTR and I still had very strong feelings toward my ex. I hadn't realised at the time but threads on here opened my eyes to the fact that my ex was controlling and abusive. It had crept up on me so insidiously that I honestly had no idea, he had been so charming at the start. Looking back it seems so obvious- I had been walking on eggshells, was being isolated from friends, he would criticise my appearance and spending, was trying to get me to cut my son off from his father, was violent twice. I began to research things further and started to recognise red flags in a new relationship i'd just started. This new knowledge helped give me strength to end things with new partner. I'm so grateful that others shared their experiences and received advice without that I wouldn't be where I am today, single - but safe from potentially dangerous man. Sorry - bit of a ramble x

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: