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Ive just ruined DPs birthday

(295 Posts)
Calmdownboris1 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:34:51

I don't know if Ive messed this up or not.

DP had an affair, I found out in Jun. we split, got back together in Oct. We have DS aged 3. He was seeing OW for 10 months. We have been together 15 years.

Its DPs birthday today. DS had a birthday party this morning so I booked a massage and facial for DP as a treat whilst we were out. DP has woken up with a virus and couldnt go. He also said he was too ill to open the gifts I had chosen for him.

I don't know why but Ive flipped. I just wanted one happy memory. The last 18 months have been so hard for me. He has messed up my birthday for the last 3 years not getting me presents, not being there on Mothers Day. Every special occasion he has ruined. Say for example, we had a meal at the ritz bought for us. He stayed out all night the night before and rolled in at 11am. I then either have to let it go or have to cancel something Ive looked forward to for months.

I know its not his fault he is ill but I blame him because he doesnt look after himself. He drinks too much etc.

Last year, I took him out to a Gordon ramsey restaurant for his bday. When we got hime he went to the OW overnight (obviously I didnt know where he was). He then drove him at 8am so we could take DS to legoland. Obviously I went with it so as not to disapoint DS.

2015 he stood me up on his bday (I had a restaurant booked and had delivered a cake) and went out for a curry with his mates instead of out for dinner with me and DS. He stayed out all night.

I took this week off work to spend together. He ended up having to work in Spain from
mon - thur completely unexpected. He was supposed to be back wed morning, then it changed to thur morning then thur at midnight.

MIL has taken DS overnight as we were supposed to be going out for dinner. He wouldnt talk to me, just kept on ignoring me telling me to F off. I NEEDED to talk to him, I needed to let him know how much I'm hurting.

I get all these flashbacks of "this time last year" and when he was with OW and the lies he told.

I completely exploded, screaming at him. He recorded me going crazy. I was shouting in his face.

I accused him of still being with OW, of having an affair with a woman he works with and made him call her.

He stays out all night at least once a week, I feel like my world is upside down and I don't know who to trust. My closest friends knew about OW and didnt tell me.

I'm just sat here sobbing and he is downstairs. I feel like I'm crazy.

PixieMiss Sat 11-Mar-17 17:36:53

Are you sure this is a relationship you want to be in? flowers

MadeForThis Sat 11-Mar-17 17:38:32

You're not crazy. His behaviour however is shocking.
He treats you appallingly.
Even without the OW he seems to have no respect for you.

I'm not surprised that you eventually cracked.

Bluntness100 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:39:55

Why did you get back with him please?

LemonBreeland Sat 11-Mar-17 17:40:56

He stays out at least once a week. Those don't seem to be the actions of a man who is sorry for his behaviour. What positives are there in this relationship? sadflowers

tribpot Sat 11-Mar-17 17:40:58

He stays out all night at least once a week,

And you honestly find this acceptable behaviour for someone who had a 10 month affair less than a year ago?

rumred Sat 11-Mar-17 17:41:12

I'm not clear what you get from this relationship apart from misery.
You lost it because you've been treated so badly and the hurt has to come out somewhere.
What do your friends think?

LuluJakey1 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:41:15

WHy are you surprised? You must know he is not committed to you and your relationship.He is not going to change now.This is his default behaviour. You are far too good for him.
Stop giving him opportunities to disappoint you.Chuck him out and end the relationship. You deserve much better than this.
Take away any power he has by just getting rid of him completely. Pity whoever he ends up with. Look after you and DC. flowers

glenthebattleostrich Sat 11-Mar-17 17:41:51

Sweetheart, he's a bastard. Get rid.

AnyFucker Sat 11-Mar-17 17:41:56

Why are you even bothering?

He quits obviously despises you

AnyFucker Sat 11-Mar-17 17:42:11


LuluJakey1 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:42:14

And I would think he is still having an affair or at least shaggng around.He sounds awful in every way.

merrymouse Sat 11-Mar-17 17:42:31

You aren't crazy. He is treating you appallingly.

AnyFucker Sat 11-Mar-17 17:43:04

He is still fucking about. I would stake my house on it.

BeaveredBadgered Sat 11-Mar-17 17:43:23

Do you think he's still seeing the OW (or having a new affair)?

MsGameandWatch Sat 11-Mar-17 17:43:26

This relationship is over, take control and stop letting it drag on. He doesn't give a shit about you or anything you do for him does he? Be honest with yourself. I'm sorry, it's an awful feeling but being the one to call time will give you some control back.

Calmdownboris1 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:43:46

I don't find it acceptable, it tears me up but Ive got to the point where it is the norm and I just don't have the strength to fight it anymore.

He knows that I find it unacceptable but he also knows I will take it because of DS and because I don't want to lose my home.

AnyFucker Sat 11-Mar-17 17:45:26

I would rather squeeze into a family house share than tolerate such blatant fuck-you behaviour from a prick like this

Astro55 Sat 11-Mar-17 17:45:42

Agree - you are way more invested than him - kick him to the kerb!

DrScholl Sat 11-Mar-17 17:46:21

are you SURE he was working in spain?

AnyFucker Sat 11-Mar-17 17:46:55

When you were separated, who lived where?

Squeegle Sat 11-Mar-17 17:47:00

You poor thing, you are being driven to the point of insanity by his behaviour. It's time to stop this. You are worth much more. How DARE he treat you like this? Much better for your son that his mum is not treated like this flowers

FinallyHere Sat 11-Mar-17 17:47:29

So he thinks he has got it made, the little wife and DS, plus the carefree life of a bachelor.

Go on, surprise him, kick him into touch. The advantages will easily outweigh the disadvantages.

MsGameandWatch Sat 11-Mar-17 17:47:31

You may lose your home but better that than your sanity and your child having a decent and happy childhood.

ExplodedCloud Sat 11-Mar-17 17:47:51

He doesn't sound worth the effort you're going to. Agree he's probably still having an affair and he doesn't have any interest in making your relationship work.

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