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How would you handle this?(11 Posts)
We have both fallen out with our best friends and DH seems to have a fixation with it.
Bit of background info, I had known L since I was 16. When DH and I got married she was in a very toxic relationship. She then had a terrible time on the dating scene so I decided to help her by doing a profile for her on my single friend. She got no response at all. I felt guilty for that so when DH's best pal, C, moved to L's area I set them up. They got together and have been happy ever since.
We live in a holiday resort in the Med. They are in the UK. On her last visit here L upset me and I told her she wasn't welcome here any more.
She landed her dream job and I got pregnant after 5 years of trying.
She hates children and he walked out on his.
With her new job she was going to be away a lot but C was going to spend more time over here instead of being on his own. He left loads of stuff here but hasn't been over or contacted DH in months.
She wrote a letter to my mum saying she doesn't know what my problem is and she's waiting for an apology.
We haven't made very many friends here and DH really misses his mate but I feel we've moved on from this pair.
It's the only thing DH and I argue about and I'm fed up with it. He holds a grudge with me for getting them together, he keeps going on about how happy they are and being nostalgic about the good times he had with C.
I am pleased they are happy but we are too and we've all moved on. I want to get rid of C's stuff and forget about them but DH wont let me.
I wouldn't let this situation get between myself and DH. When he talks about them, I would just listen and nod, but not really say anything. Regarding all C's stuff, I would pack it up and put it in the loft /garage for now and concentrate on making a new life and making new friends.
It sounds like you've moved on and DH not ready to yet.
I am trying not to let it come between us. I will try the listening and nodding thing.
I want to do that with C's stuff. I'm worried DH will go mad. He just keeps insisting its fine where it is.
I think DH has had enough time. I haven't seen L since before I was pg with dd and C since before I had ds. Ds is 1 and Dd 2.5!
We've been replaced by the toxic ex, who ruined our wedding which is another story. I think that might make it worse for DH seeing who C's new pal is. They did stop here on a cruise recently and dh was invited to meet them but didn't go. Possibly because he was there.
Has your DH actually fallen out with C?
Why can't C be contacted to come and get his stuff?
I'm not sure. There seems to be a communication problem there. I keep suggesting DH contacts C but he doesn't.
We live in another country but its one of her routes. They were due to come over for a holiday because he has a timeshare too but he hasn't confirmed anything.
They are popular flights though and often they can't get staff travel on them because they're full.
We are going to the UK for a holiday later in the year and staying near them on the way down to the coast but DH said he wasn't interested in meeting up with C.
Its more about holding on to the past for DH I think and I really hate that.
DH just got a text from C to say that they are over next week for a holiday and have hired a villa with friends. He didn't make any arrangements. DH said he was just letting us know.
When I asked DH if he was going to take C's stuff to him he said no he wants him to still feel welcome here and he wants to punish me for causing the whole mess in the first place.
C has issues with me too. He thinks I should 'have it out' with L. I refused because I hate confrontation and wouldn't try to change anyone and I know she wont and hasn't changed. C acknowledges L's behavior but thinks I should tolerate it.
I don't know if I should bite the bullet and invite them over to please DH or just suggest he goes to see them on his own.
It's difficult to say without knowing (roughly) what you feel out with L about.
Also I'm a bit lost on the toxic ex - is it your ex or DH's? Are they now friends with L and C?
Your dh is being a bit of a child thinking you have to be friends with the Mrs if he is mates with the Mr surely??
Tell him c stuff is going in the garage and he can sort out getting him it back. . Or charge him storage!! But you have grown up an moved on from the Mrs - hopefully he will soon too.
L is a bit of a diva. She drinks a lot and is prone to lecturing me about how to live my life. When I had Dd she didn't congratulate me she just said 'I hope motherhood is what you want it to be' she also says my reluctance to get involved in political debates shows a lack of intellegance. That's just a couple of examples but I just don't enjoy her company. DH agrees but tolerates her too so he can spend time with C.
The toxic ex is L's ex. L reconciled with him because he is rich and successful and has a nice car and is married to someone fatter and uglier than her so she always looks good with her around ( yes she did say that)
L and C are now good friends with them and holiday together. I think this is who they will be with next week.
The ex,M, had violent rows with L at our wedding. I spent most of the day consoling her. At the same time he was complaining that we hadn't catered for him because he only drinks a specific brand of vodka and we hadn't supplied any for him. He then tried to get his huge bar bill charged to our room. But despite all this C thinks M is a good bloke because he got him a good deal on a car!
Hmmm. Yes they sound awful!
The problem is even if C is okay they come as a not very nice package.
Do you have other friends or can you make other friends in the area? Are there clubs etc you could join? New interests to try?
I tried a couple of mum's groups. They were rubbish.
We do have friends in the village we go out with ocassionaly.DH is in a sports team but he hates it and says everyone is too serious. Dd starts nursery soon and I just think the situation may get better then so I'm not so worried about the future I just seem to be bothered by the situation with them now. I find myself giving it far too much headspace and can't seem to snap out of it.
I had said to DH I want to forget about them but he keeps bringing it up. The other day he asked me to find a dvd he made years ago of a party he had with C. It was 15 years ago and not particularly memorable. I just wish I could get DH to move on.
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