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AIBU to ask for a contribution?

(213 Posts)
badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 14:39:51

My partner and I don't live togtehr. We both work full time, own our own houses and both have two Dc's. He has 50% care of his and spends the other 50% at mine. He has recently left his job to set up a new firm and is therefore working from (my) home when he is at mine. He currently earns around £17k more than me. The thing is he hasn't contributed or bought any shopping, whether it be groceries, toiletries, anything since he started this new setup 6 weeks ago. I've just text him asking shall I pick up a Chinese on my home for us and the boys but I'm not sure he'll contribute towards it... my shopping bill has gone up a lot in the last 6 weeks as he is basically at mine 50% of the time having three meals a day. Plus shower gel, toothpaste, loo rolls etc. I want to say something but not in a demanding way....

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 10-Mar-17 14:42:25

Write him a shopping list and send him on his way. . Don't offer cash and say oh I assumed we were taking turns with the shop now that you are here half the time....

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 10-Mar-17 14:44:17

Oh definitely tell him you want a contribution.

Why is he working from your home and not his own? Is he usually mean in other ways?

badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 14:46:53

He's working from mine as I can pop home for lunch and it means he's there when I get back etc. He lives around 50 minutes drive from me. Just means we get to see each other a little more if he works from mine. Come to think of it. I never suggested it. It just kind of happened! Good idea 're the shopping list. Although he turned up yesterday and I had a delivery last night. My timing is crap. Need to sort that...

user1479305498 Fri 10-Mar-17 14:47:33

pput your foot down now, someone I know realised that her ex partner contributed next to nothing but after a year felt awkward and it went on for 3 years.

badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 14:47:59

He's a bit tight but not generally mean. Although I do now regret telling I've got a bonus coming at the end of the month.. .

PushingThru Fri 10-Mar-17 14:49:34

I don't understand why he is at your house working when you aren't there & at work yourself? He should be working from his own house, surely?

PushingThru Fri 10-Mar-17 14:49:59

Sorry, cross post.

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 10-Mar-17 14:51:38

Don't just give him a shopping list, there will be extra electricity/heating/food/broadband contribution. Think about what you think is fair and ask him for xx amount weekly/monthly. At the moment you have yourself a cocklodger, knock it on the head now, nobody is that clueless they are just mean, don't accept it. A shopping list isn't the way to do it, he is running a business from your home ffs, he needs to contribute properly

FinallyHere Fri 10-Mar-17 14:52:08

a bit tight but not generally mean

Okaaaay, and not contributing anything while saving on food and fuel costs which he would otherwise incur at home. Not even offering to contribute. I'd say a serious conversation was in order, along th lines of 'how do you want this to work?' and then see where he takes it from there.

If he jumps in with why don't i treat us to a meal out ones a week as a thank you, or what can I do to contribute, you will know that I am mistaken. I'd be happy to apologise in person in that case.

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 10-Mar-17 14:52:31

What's this about your bonus? Is he making plans for it?

Ellisandra Fri 10-Mar-17 14:52:48

Just be upfront with it.

"I like having you here 50%, it's working for me - shall we carry on like this? Cos if so I'll need to work out the shopping contribution, OK?"

Oh and if his house is somewhere popular, suggest he looks into AirBnB!

ImperialBlether Fri 10-Mar-17 14:52:58

Hang on, you're paying all of the heating etc while he works in yours? I hope the lunchtime sex is worth it, because you are literally paying for that!

badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 14:55:47

Lunch time sex?! No thanks...! Reading it all written down it looks crap. I'm going to send a text now. We've been together 4.5 years and even before he started this set up he agreed to pay me £100 a month. That happened once. Now he's there all day it should be at least £150.....

ThreeFish Fri 10-Mar-17 14:56:09

I'm sorry, but he is more than a bit tight
He's freeloading.
Its more than food too - its heat and water.

PushingThru Fri 10-Mar-17 14:58:01

He made a promise to pay £100 and broke it after one payment? Come on. You need to start putting your foot down.

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 10-Mar-17 14:58:37

£200 at least if he agreed £100 before and now he is running a business from there

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 10-Mar-17 15:00:40

Hang on a second, he paid you once? When was that? So he has been free loading this whole time? He owes you thousands so. What about your bonus?

badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 15:03:23

I mentioned by bonus a couple of days ago and now I think he thinks I'm minted or something stupid like that....

badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 15:04:22

Oh God I can't remember. AGES ago. God I'm being a twat.

I too am curious about the bonus.. .

>pulls up comfy sofa<

user1479305498 Fri 10-Mar-17 15:07:50

please dont be hard on yourelf, you are not a twat!! you have let something slide longer than you should, probably because most nice women you like to have a nice atmosphere at home! Its what so many of us do.

badgerread Fri 10-Mar-17 15:07:51

I've sent the text....

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 10-Mar-17 15:14:00

Your not a twat badgerread, but I guess your about to find out if your dp is. What did you say in the text?

QueenofallIsee Fri 10-Mar-17 15:14:43

Errm, badger, it reads a great deal like you are being taken for a ride!

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